Summary

Edward Coristine, a 19-year-old DOGE staffer recently promoted to a senior adviser role in the State Department, is reportedly the grandson of former KGB spy Valery Martynov.

Martynov was executed in the Soviet Union after being exposed as an FBI informant. Coristine, an alleged former cybercriminal, previously worked in the General Services Administration and now has potential access to sensitive diplomatic data.

Concerns have been raised over his background and apparent lack of a security check.

The situation fuels fears about foreign influence in U.S. government operations.

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[–] 174 points 2 years ago (8 children)

Big Balls looks like a Connecticut boat shoe that came to life.

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  • [–] 88 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    He looks like a half dressed toddler. Nice of him to give everyone an immediate visual cue for what they’re about to deal with, I guess.

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  • [–] 10 points 2 years ago

    I know it's a long shot, but I so want sanity restored and people like him rounded the fuck up and charged with breaking into government systems.

    I want the legal system to wipe that fucking smug look right off their faces.

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  • [–] 115 points 2 years ago (25 children)

    [slightly off topic]

    I'm a native of the Northeastern United States and I've lived in numerous areas depicted in the media as being under the influence of 'organized crime.' To wit, Harlem, lower Manhattan, Hell's Kitchen, and Staten Island.

    Actual tough guys never have nicknames like 'Big Balls.' Never. The guys you fear have names like 'the Chin,' or 'Bumpy,' or 'Legs.' Al Capone's buddies called him 'Snorky.'

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  • [–] 59 points 2 years ago (19 children)

    Yeah street names are always an endearing insult

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  • [–] 29 points 2 years ago (6 children)

    Pilot's nicknames / unofficial callsigns often are as well, some kind of back handed reference to a fuck-up or troublesome character trait.

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  • [–] 22 points 2 years ago (9 children)

    Maybe that's what this is. Like calling a fat guy slim, or a tall guy tiny. Maybe he's used to many steroids and actually shrunk his balls

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  • [–] 18 points 2 years ago (8 children)

    Look at his photo... there's no steroid use there. He's just got a pair of undescended testes, they're missing.

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  • [–] 14 points 2 years ago (5 children)
  • [–] 7 points 2 years ago (4 children)

    That's horrifying, wtf happened?

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  • [–] 16 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    A 23-year-old dubbed the Russian “Popeye” had three pounds of dead muscle removed after his DIY bodybuilding injections went awry.

    Kirill Tereshin used petroleum jelly to build fake muscle mass in his arms. Before he underwent critical surgery, his arms were approximately 24 inches in diameter.

    https://globalnews.ca/news/6198555/russian-popeye-bodybuilder-injections/

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  • [–] 6 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    Lol, I didn't say he worked out, just that he took the steroids. Probably thinking they'd do all the work for him.

    Though your theory seems to have some merit.

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  • [–] 7 points 2 years ago* (1 child)

    I worked in construction and we used radios to communicate between crews. One kid insisted we call him 'AntDawg.' His name was Anthony.

    It's started with 'Labradoodle.' He put up with that for two days before bitching he didn't wanna be Labradoodle. Everyone agreed it was too annoying over the radio, so we all agreed to shorten it. Doodle still hates his name.

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    [–] 91 points 2 years ago (7 children)

    Surely the fact that he's 19 and a senior advisor in a state department is more damning than his lineage? And that Trump is very obviously friendly with Putin?

    I think this familial connection is just a storm in a teacup which is sitting inside a much larger storm.

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  • [–] 13 points 2 years ago (5 children)

    U know what I was doing at 19 years old? Nothing…nothing that counted as work. I won a bacon eating contest at college and played a ton of Mario Kart 64.

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    [–] 81 points 2 years ago

    You can't even make this shit up...

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  • [–] 46 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    It is so sad how fitting this image is and will be for the foreseeable future.

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    [–] 36 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    Even if this stupid asshole isn't related to a KGB spy...WTAF:

    recently promoted to a senior adviser role in the State Department

    He's a FUCKING TEENAGER. The guy cannot even legally drink. Cannot rent a car.

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  • [–] 28 points 2 years ago* (10 children)

    I don’t get this angle.

    So his grandparent was someone who on being exposed to the American way of life converted to the American side, helped America, and was killed by the Soviets for it. And they’re what, worried this previous generations pro-American views will somehow influence the kid today?

    Go with them being a cybercriminal thing, not some bizzaro sins of the father nonsense.

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    [–] 22 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    "Big Balls" huh. This is 100% the same situation as calling the dude that can bench a school bus "Tiny".

    Looking at a photo, this dude definitely has a pair of undescended testicles. They're missing for sure.

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  • [–] 18 points 2 years ago (27 children)

    What kind of North Korean "sins of the father" shit is this?

    Punish him for his actions of helping Musk take over the government in a coup, not that his grandad did spycraft every nation did in the Cold War.

    I don't care if he was the grandson of Jesus Christ and Buddha if he is a dipshit fascist. Fascists get called out for being fascists, not being related to one they might have never known.

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  • [–] 20 points 2 years ago (23 children)

    National security isn't fair because its more important than being fair and those who are for any reasons suspect are free to do any of the other hundreds of millions of jobs.

    People are absolutely suspect because of their associations.

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  • [–] 10 points 2 years ago

    Exactly this. Top Secret clearance typically extends out to three degrees of separation. They’ll check on you, your friends/family, and their friends/family. Because when national security is concerned, they don’t want to risk a leak due to something like a cousin being a spy and going drinking after work with the employee.

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    [–] 17 points 2 years ago

    America is Putins puppet. Musk is sitting in between getting richer while Trump does Russia’s wants.

    Look at the Russian playbook. Look at the current U.S. playbook.

    Insert image of “the office <they’re the same image>.jpg here.

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  • [–] 17 points 2 years ago

    How the Hell does someone have a background as both a cybercriminal and a GSA employee at 19? I mean, sure, you can be a cybercriminal as an adolescent. But why is the GSA even hiring anybody that young at all?

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  • [–] 15 points 2 years ago (4 children)

    And what is anyone doing about it?

    I am seeing nothing but stories today about how trump, musk, and musk’s incel groupies are all tied to russia. And no one arresting them for being undocumented foreign agents.

    So why bother reporting?

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    [+] 15 points 2 years ago* (last edited 1 year ago)
    [–] 10 points 2 years ago (7 children)

    There's plenty to go off here, but this is a stretch.

    My grandfathers were an RAAF pilot and a South African Navy man. None of that has anything to do with what I am. I'd be unprepared if people started attacking me about such topics as I know almost nothing about them.

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  • [–] 18 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    Counter point: KGB spies trained for the long con, having families, naturalising, bringing their kids into the system.

    In most other things lineage like that doesn't matter, you're right. But this one time..

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  • [–] 9 points 2 years ago

    In this case though the KGB agent was killed by Russia for being an FBI double agent. This is a weird angle of attack. I HATE "DODGE" and this kid almost assuredly shouldn't be in the position they are, but for other reasons.

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    [–] 8 points 2 years ago

    Big balls attacks again

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  • [–] 8 points 2 years ago

    wtf are current events even lmao

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  • [–] 6 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    Wouldn't they have been a double agent, if they were an FBI informant working in the KGB?

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  • [–] 6 points 2 years ago

    Per Silverman’s research, Martynov was an officer in the technical espionage division of the Russian intelligence agency back in 1980, when he was sent to the United States to serve as an undercover agent at the Soviet Embassy in Washington, D.C. About two years into his stay, Martynov got flipped by the FBI and started to feed the US government Soviet secrets.

    so not a planted double agent.

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