this post was submitted on 11 Feb 2025
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I'll go first: I'm not actually the famed reclusive author Thomas Pynchon.

I was actually Richard Hell from Television and The Voidoids, the whole time.

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 4 weeks ago

I sold the domain name to DOGE for a cybertruck coupon ($50 off)

[–] [email protected] 21 points 4 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I've actually never met George Soros nor worked for him.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 weeks ago

unbelievable

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 weeks ago

It was me Hexbear. John Kerry, Silver Legion, Veganism, Outdoor cats, moving stones, throwing batteries into the ocean, liberalsocialist.

I'm the author of all your pain.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

I'm sorry you all had to find out this way but I'm straight

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago

Now that you're out, the plane's gonna right itself and we're all gonna live

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 weeks ago

My first and only celebrity crush was Elliot Page because I envied him for seemingly being a lesbian when I was still in denial.

But joke’s on me I guess.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 weeks ago

I'm actually Barron Trump

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I was a liberal the whole time

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

How do I get my kids to stop dressing up as you?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 weeks ago

Encourage it

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 weeks ago

See, now that you're out, the plane's gonna right itself and we're all gonna live.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 weeks ago

You know how I’ve been advertising weight loss supplements and exercise equipment on my TikTok? Since the app’s getting banned I may as well share that I’ve actually been thin the whole time and I don’t use any of those products

12 hours later

Hahahaha what a funny joke I made, right guys?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 weeks ago

Kakarot is a true saiyan warrior and sometimes bests me.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

I fucking love hololive and holostars

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 weeks ago

Sometimes girls just wanna have fun

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I used to "ironically" be into vtubers but it has stopped being ironic a while ago

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

We should all become vtubers and open our own vtuber owned co-op agency as a bit but then it can eventually stop being a bit

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 weeks ago

I am BlackMoldFutures ex wife

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I'm not actually a sentient Beaver

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago

I'm also not a sentient beaver.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 weeks ago

Bob Dole is posting from hell. Having to spend eternity on this liberal website is Bob Dole’s eternal punishment.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 weeks ago

I am actually funded by the Norwegian sovereign wealth fund and Norway secular groups, unlike the other Radio Free outlets. That's why I am still working after the USAID defunding.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 weeks ago

I like rewatching old episodes of south park

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago

I've never liked Pokemon. Nothing about it appeals to me.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

my gf encouraged me listen to rap music and now I like it

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

one time I pissed in the megathread

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 weeks ago

All my best posts and comments were made on the can

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I had sex once after taking the volcel pledge

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 weeks ago

I don't actually think beanis is funny I just post it for internet points and validation

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago

I've never listened to cth and never intend to

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago

I'm the one who ghosted you on grindr last week.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 weeks ago

I am not a condiment sauce, not that there were any hints I would be. Figured I'd clear that up.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 weeks ago

I have a crush on the person reading this and want to smooch them

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 weeks ago

I spend more of my life on this website than I would ever confess to another person

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 weeks ago

My name... It's not actually Karen. I also think you're all a bunch of cuties and have a crush on you. stalin-heart

I'm taken tho, sorry folks.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

this account is actually four different people bureaucracy posting since before it was cool

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 weeks ago

Or maybe we just have multiple personalities crush