I want to return this pez dispenser it only dispensed a dozen treats and now it's not working
this post was submitted on 18 Jan 2025
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badposting
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Ever had a really shitty bit idea? Joke you want to take way past the point of where it was funny? Want to feel like a stand-up comedy guy who's been bombing a set for the past 30 minutes straight and at this point is just saying shit to see if people react to it? Really bad pun? A homemade cringe concoction? A cognitohazard that you have birthed into this world and have an urge to spread like chain mail?
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starts jelqing my hog ooouughh im ambout to crank ougghhhh
Kshh shung
"ATTENTION ALL FUCKING DUMBASSES, WE GOT A MANAGER'S SPECIAL ON T SHIRTS ON AISLE NEGATIVE FOUR INCLUDING ALL FLAVORS! COOL RANCH, CHEESE BLASTED, BARBEQUE, GRASS, SWEET CHIPOTLE, AND DIRT. THANK YOU!"
Dirt shirts are a legit tourist trap purchase on Prince Edward Island. Their is a lot of red clay in the mud which stains like a motherfucker so they sell shirts dyed in it as a thing. They even have PEI Dirt Shirt printed on em. Half of the kids I knew growing up near the island had one.
uuhhh could i get a uhhhh uhhhh could i get a uhhhhhh
Hey hurry the fuck up I'm on lunch break from my job at the stupid ass factory!
Wow, you have a huge selection of Funko Pops here
Hi, my friend said they got a call from you saying you're "all out of me," does that mean that you, uh, sell copies of me here? And how much are they?
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i'm buying out the entire store, i hate this place and i want to take away the pleasure of shopping at the dumbass store from other dumbasses. i am the main dumbass anyway
Kshh shung
"MAINTENENCE, SOME DUMBASS SPILLED HOT DOG WATER ALL OVER AISLE 5, CAN YOU CLEAN THAT SHIT UP? THANKS, BABE!"
I want a lot of lottery tickets but all very specific ones and I'd like to scratch them all at the counter and make people wait behind me plz.
Is the nincompoop machine still broken? I want a frozen dumb ass.
yeah the machine is working fine. you want sprinkles on that?
Yes please
okay so i put sprinkles on the machine and then it caught fire and broke. no more frozen dumbasses, sorry :(
I need five
we got fives over in aisle two
Where do you keep the Skub
uhhhhhh we ran out three months ago and nobody remembered to order any
Uhhhhhhhh yes I'll have the uhhh the ummm uhhh hmmm one sec uhhh incoherent whispering yeah okay the uhhh hmmm mmm yea...no...nuhhhh hmmm uhhhhh one uhhhh can I make it a large uhhhh hmm or maybe another hmm no I had that last time one second I need a second just uhhh hmmm one ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
four candles please
we don't got candles. best i can do is a sparkler stuck in a brick of styrofoam. the fumes WILL kill your brain cells though
no, four candles
cups hand over ear and leans in
Fork handles? those are on aisle kissy face emoji
Huh?
I SAID
WELCOME TO THE FUCKING DUMBASS STORE FOR STUPID FUCKING IDIOTS, IS THERE SOMETHING I CAN HELP YOU FIND TODAY?
Uhhh....... I need help. I'm looking for something but I'm not sure if you have it.
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I will have a number 526627 and a small number 13645433
uhhhh biggest number we got is 7
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I put on my robe and wizard hat
Do you carry mini-trucking magazine?
nah we only have monster trucking magazine
whispers quietly can I have a turkey sandwich... And could you uh... Gets quieter take your shoes off and step on my bread
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i would like one communism please
Eh hem, looking for communism at the idiot store because it doesn't work? I am very intelligent 
i… i… meant that… it would be silly to look for communism in the store, when it’s obviously in the factory 
"Hail be thou, I am looking to purchase one of your toothbrushes, but it needs to be the right size for my teeth. Look!" 
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