this post was submitted on 18 Jan 2025
40 points (100.0% liked)

menby

8005 readers
119 users here now

A space for masculine folks to talk about living under patriarchy.

Detoxing masculinity since 1990!

You don’t get points for feminism, feminism is expected.

Guidelines:

  1. Questions over blame
  2. Humility over pride
  3. Wisdom over dogma
  4. Actions over image

Rules (expansions on the guidelines):

  1. Mistakes should be learning experiences when possible.
    • Do not attack comrades displaying vulnerability for what they acknowledge are mistakes.
    • If you see good-faith behavior that's toxic, do your best to explain why it's toxic.
    • If you don't have the energy to engage, report and move on.
    • This includes past mistakes. If you've overcome extreme reactionary behavior, we'd love to know how.
    • A widened range of acceptable discussion means a greater need for sensitivity and patience for your comrades.
    • Examples:
      • "This is reactionary. Here's why."
      • "I know that {reality}, but I feel like {toxicity}"
      • "I don't understand why this is reactionary, but it feels like it {spoilered details}"
  2. You are not entitled to the emotional labor of others.
    • Constantly info-dumping and letting us sort through your psyche is not healthy for any of us.
    • If you feel a criticism of you is unfair, do not lash out.
    • If you can't engage self-critically, delete your post.
    • If you don't know how to phrase why it's unfair, say so.
  3. No singular masculine ideal.
    • This includes promoting gender-neutral traits like "courage" or "integrity" as "manly".
    • Suggestions for an individual to replace a toxic ideal is fine.
    • Don't reinforce the idea the fulfillment requires masculinity.
    • This also includes tendency struggle-sessions.
  4. No lifestyle content.
    • Post the picture of your new grill in !food (feminine people like grills too smh my head).
    • Post the picture of the fish you caught in !sports (feminine people like fish too smdh my damn head).
    • At best, stuff like this is off-topic. At worst, it's reinforcing genders norms..
    • If you're not trying to be seen as masculine for your lifestyle content, it's irrelevant to this comm. If you are trying to be seen as masculine, let's have a discussion about why these things are seen as masculine.

Resources:

*The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks

founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS
40
submitted 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 

If you got anything for me to read or watch, feel free to share.

top 18 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Being entirely uneducated in the topic besides being a dude I'm gonna go with being masc is to protect or be in service of the femme.

I refuse to explain myself and am running away now

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 hours ago

Ahh yes the way of the house husband.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 hours ago

do you mean in its current form, or what is a theoretical revolutionary masculinity? can there exist such a thing? i don't have the answers but i find it to be a very interesting question.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago) (1 children)

raiden-source What is masculinity anyway?!

made-it-the-fuck-up We made it the fuck up!

Between the ancients complaining about men (see: The Fremen Mirage, IIIa) to the modern manosphere content complaining about what isn't masculine (see: When Toxicity is Masked as Positivity) to false presentations of manhood (see: Why do conservative shows all look the same?) to blaming women (see: Why We Blame Women for The Masculinity Crisis) I am convinced there is no such thing as an Objective Masculinity outside of its socially constructed forms. We really do make it the fuck up! Worse, Masculine and Feminine often is code for Strong and Weak without saying as much, giving it that oh-so-western misogyny flavor, to say nothing about the Gay Panic.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 hours ago

I found YouTube links in your comment. Here are links to the same videos on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:

Link 1:

Link 2:

Link 3:

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 hours ago

There really is nothing to masculinity besides saying "I am masculine" i suppose in the end. Stereotypical masculinity is easier to figure out, and I think a non-toxic version of that is maybe what you are looking for. To me, being a man is saying "hell yeah dude" to stuff.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 14 hours ago

A miserable little pile of secrets.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 16 hours ago (2 children)

Jojo's Bizarre adventure, start from season 1

[–] [email protected] 11 points 16 hours ago

torture-dance Narancia is peak masculinity. Change my mind.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 14 hours ago

1993 or 2012?

[–] [email protected] 11 points 17 hours ago

See Inkmaster season 12: battle of the sexes

[–] [email protected] 6 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago)

I had distilled it down to "you want it so you go after it" but feminism is about giving women the ability to do that in society. And then I don't like any small gamates kind of explanation either (which means unfortunately the madTV "he looka lika man" bit doesn't make for a good punchline). I don't like any particular set of interests as gendered.

My best bet? I was thinking about that video game where people got all mad about the black samurai. It was based in a true story, right? Some dude saw this historically judged individual and decided to make him a friend. I developed (see: rederived probably) this idea that dudes rock the most when they open their hearts and minds to people they were conditioned to judge. Dudes rocked when they domesticated wolves. Everyone must have thought they were crazy, but they probably Danced with the Frickin Wolves. Dudes rocked in the Green Book. Dudes are rocking on Red Note. The essence of masculinity is therefore "I think you're all wrong*: I've seen this and I think it is/they are awesome"

*Perhaps optional

[–] [email protected] 5 points 18 hours ago (2 children)

I'd highly recommend "Under Saturn's shadow" by Hollis James, and then "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover" by Robert Moore & Douglas Gilette.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 16 hours ago

"King, Warrior, Magician, Lover" by Robert Moore & Douglas Gilette

Lmao the men's mythopoetic movement are what you get when you cross a theater kid and an MRA. They are strictly better than Tate and his ilk, in that they don't start at open misogyny, sure. But their idealist (read: un-materialist) and essentialising aproach to gender verges on outright mysticism and is of the same cloth as christo-fascist patriarchy.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

"Under Saturn's shadow"

50% of what this author says is reasonable but the other 50% is conservative propaganda and acceptance of the status quo based on creepy mystical arguments that assume there is some primordial truth in a social order that was invented within the last 400 years

[–] [email protected] 3 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago) (2 children)

that was invented within the last 400 years

If you have read the book through how did you come up with this number? Asking out of genuine interest.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 hours ago

400 years ago is 1625.

That's very close to the time when the first ever common stock was issued - 1602. It was issued by the Dutch East India company to fund "adventures" in the indies where they "traded", plunderer, kidnapped, and squatted. It was, in essence, the beginning of the current formation wherein colonialism and private business fused into a global network of terror, slavery, mass murder, and grand theft.

That was about 100 years after Europeans began colonizing the Western Hemisphere and at the same time completed the Reconquista against the Muslim kingdoms (driving them from Europe and establishing the continent as Christian) so some would say the ideas of masculinity today really started to form 500 years ago.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 14 hours ago

I made it the fuck up as a ballpark because I forgot the exact figure but the simple answer is that the western masculine and feminine social roles that he constantly gestures towards were invented to serve the interests of the elite land/private-property owning class as western powers moved away from feudalism towards mercantile capitalism and eventually the industrial revolution and imperialist global conquest.

The men go to work and have the surplus value they generate for the boss stolen while women stay at home and perform all the maintenance labor for free (such as taking care of the kids). This was the social model pushed on the masses by the elites because it ensured smooth operation of a system where they benefited the most.

He attributes real social problems like expensive cost of living/nonexistant employee bargaining power/social malaise due to the systems we use to relate to each other being fundamentally antagonistic and anti-human solely to a mystical individualist problem (a crisis of initiation), an interesting theory but a gross oversimplification of reality.