this post was submitted on 08 Dec 2024
175 points (100.0% liked)

chapotraphouse

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[–] [email protected] 115 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

No fucking way. This guy rocks

[–] [email protected] 72 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

My friend sent me that while I was out running errands and I spent a good minute cackling over it in the car.

[–] [email protected] 43 points 2 weeks ago

But did you file your Petition for Authorization for Momentary Cackling to the Humor Committee beforehand, and was it approved?

[–] [email protected] 109 points 2 weeks ago

Every couple hours the NYPD is chiming in to remind you this guy is rad as hell.

[–] [email protected] 88 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

There's no way this guy is this incredibly based and incredibly smart. There's just no way.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I say he is that smart and based lathe-of-heaven

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[–] [email protected] 78 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

"We totally know who he is tho guys, trust us!"

[–] [email protected] 59 points 2 weeks ago

The FBI raised the bounty to $50k, to lure him into a false sense of security.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 2 weeks ago

Adams: "I'm not saying if we also found red houses or green houses or a silver top hat that's as big as those houses or the deed to Atlantic Avenue but the net keeps gettin' tighter and he no longer has that stuff so he can't barter it..."

[–] [email protected] 72 points 2 weeks ago

Biden needs to give this guy a full pardon.

[–] [email protected] 69 points 2 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 65 points 2 weeks ago

I like to think someone else put this there and reported it as a bit and everyone is just joining in on fucking with the NYPD

[–] [email protected] 64 points 2 weeks ago

They also apparently found a second Hunter Biden Laptop

[–] [email protected] 56 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

Are we even sure that the backpack they found was put there by the adjuster? Because the entire country knew they were canvassing central park for the bag in real time. And leaving the actual jacket he wore is risky because there could be DNA left on it. Hopefully the backpack and jacket were scrubbed clean.

[–] [email protected] 50 points 2 weeks ago

Not even a little bit sure but i think it's still just as funny if it's someone playing a prank

[–] [email protected] 35 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

DNA is only good to confirm they have the right guy. Ditching the attire you were filmed with is far more important.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

DNA can also be matched using DNA services like 23 and me or whatever. If the shooter or a family member has ever traced their ancestry with that it could be used to catch them

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

Have they ever actually done that though? I don't think they've ever caught someone because they dropped a pube their aunt took a 23 and me.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 weeks ago

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_James_DeAngelo

All the cops have to do is ask the company. It's like ring doorbells.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago

They caught the golden state killer that way.

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[–] [email protected] 50 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

UHC SHOOTER PLEASE COME ONTO HEXBEAR WE NEED YOUR POWER

[–] [email protected] 36 points 2 weeks ago

Shooter go on chapo

[–] [email protected] 46 points 2 weeks ago

Damn the moneybags did thisporky-happy

[–] [email protected] 42 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

would be funny if someone just bought a duplicate after the news dropped and left it in central park to throw the cops off lol

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

My first thought was that this is what happened lol

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

if they pull you in for questioning just be like oh fuck thank you for finding my bag

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago

I was on my way to game night with the pals officer, my friend is missing parts of his game after his kid ate the paper.

[–] [email protected] 39 points 2 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 33 points 2 weeks ago (11 children)

How do we even know the CEO's dead? Or that the killer even exists?

I find it more likely that the story is fake

Imagine being 4 days in and still not being able to find someone's killer using the biggest police dept in the world, larger than most countries' armies, inside of a tiny city with 20 CCTV cameras on every block

And imagine having a $10,000 info reward for someone whose net worth is $50,000,000 .

either the killer doesn't exist, or the NYPD is refusing to find him because he was killed by capital

[–] [email protected] 48 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I have a better theory: Pigs are incompetent

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

they're only incompetent when they want to be

if they want to be incompetent here it's because someone else rich is benefitting them

anyway, good riddance but yea

[–] [email protected] 32 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

They’re competent at one thing, and it isn’t “finding criminals”.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 weeks ago

they're competent at being racist and serving capital

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Yeah. I remember reading the statistics for cases "solved", and there is a huge gap between crimes against "property", and crimes against "people". The police force has much more know-how dealing with theft and other kinds of similar crimes than they do with murder, assault, SA, and so on.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

I found it really surprising when i heard how low the number of solved murder cases in the US is. Apparently it's something around 20%. Over here, it's in the 70-80% ballpark.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

And even then, the % is not such a good metric to look at. Japan has a nearly 100% conviction rate for murder , but it's because they'll just accuse whoever and once you've been charged you're as good as convicted.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago

reminds me of this case where a Japanese hacker hijacked people's computers to make death threats and the police coerced confessions out of four of them

https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-31129817

[–] [email protected] 40 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Conspiracy theory: the CEO's body just did that and the "shooter" was pointing at him in shock.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

The CEO had pre-existing conditions, his body just did that

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago

Considering the first bullet didn't kill him, I would say he had a pre-existing condition by the time the third one did him in

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

What would other capitalists have to gain from killing this guy?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (4 children)

What would other capitalists have to gain from killing this guy?

any number of things. Rich kill rich all the time. Any video can be faked now.

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[–] [email protected] 33 points 2 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 31 points 2 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 30 points 2 weeks ago

I want to think someone with the same expensive backpack put it there as a joke.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago

maybe he got the monopoly as a used version from like a thrift store and put it in so there'd be more dna

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago

OMG what is this star wipe? MSNBC has been infiltrated by commie RuZZian influence!!!

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