Thank you everyone for the kindness. I have a big tray of roast veg in the oven so dinner/lunch is sorted and yummy at least. Will be having an early night and hopefully a sleep
just need to get this out but no obligation to read it
I feel really alone right now. I feel like I am drowning at work and my general exhaustion level is so high I am not catching up there or at home. I am wrought with anxiety and I have kinda lost the will to push through. There are so many big things to be done and I am stuck on details. And every time I make time someone else has a problem and I get dragged sideways.
And it's hard to push through when I feel like the world is a mess anyway. What good can I really do? Am I just burning myself out in a corner for nothing?
For reasons the work situation is not a "can you talk to your manager and ask for XYZ" one...what I am carrying is legit mine but I am struggling.
I am just dead sick of being the grown up and the strong one for others right now. I want to go home....whatever that means.
I've been in a similar place. Can you take some stress leave/sick leave? Ideally at least two weeks so that a) you can unwind properly and b) somebody else has to pick up the slack at work.
Do it now, not once project x is done or when we've met that next deadline. New stuff will keep coming up.
I don't know what the answers are but you've got a friend in me. 💜
Everytime I press the red heart it comes up black. Maybe I've used up my red hearts quota or run out of red ink. 🤷♀️ anyway red heart, red heart, red heart.
It’s purple to me?
(I always use black hearts.)
I can relate to the loneliness and the feeling of drowning at work.
I don't have any real advice, but I hope you can find some peace soon ❤️
Is stress leave a possibility for you?
Edit: Also, is there anyone close to you that can help with even the smallest of things at home?
I am okay, promise. It was a M O M E N T due to the vast amounts of alcohol I had.
But, went back home with my cousin and kept going till 3am with jaegermeister on ice 😱
My head hurts and hates me
Hope you're feeling better. jaegermeister can be a slippery slope at times.
For the DDT fam:
Pearl Jam! 🖤
I’ve almost lost my voice, but I am seriously emotional. Seeing Black live has always been a wish of my mine and tonight it came true.
I am so privileged.
I've only just managed to load my car with a full, penultimate load of stuff (and a fucking busted tyre still in the back lol).
All the little jars of spices, the oils and vinegars, random pantry odds and ends, the unbelievable amount of stuff in the bathroom, other stray items like a random desk lamp and bits in various containers just dumped into a box... couch accoutrements...
Had a shower in the old place, thankfully had the foresight to leave a change of clothes out, finally eating my only real meal for the day. I'm going to go straight to the other place, slap a sheet on the mattress and call it a night.
Chuck a sickie tomorrow, start moving stuff up, get tyre organised, clean old place with friend...
I'm seriously laughing at how much I underestimated this. Next time I'll start packing WAY earlier and take more time off!!
Hahahahahahahahahaha fuck me, of course I had to be careless and hit a kerb so hard I got a flat tyre on top of everything else... perfect timing...
Luckily roadside assist came very quickly but now I need to get a new tyre within 2 days 😭 anyone have tips on how to find a good tyre shop? I have no frigging idea. Need it done pretty quickly...
i think my upbringing is messing me up atm.
Old man was/is a sub specialist looking after acute disease / end of life stuff. Emotion is completely out the window when it comes to care (shit needs to get done with a clear mind). I was on the phone from about 13yo speaking to these patients when he wasn't home (which was a lot) and all I could do was listen to that fear. They just wanted someone to hear them (emotionally). Used to go on rounds with him and he has a very good bed side manner, but once out of the room back into get shit done mode.
Seeing mum in her chair just staring at the ground depressed is heartbreaking. Asking me to read texts from buds is heartbreaking. Her telling me the old man hasn't said a nice word since (he's in doc mode) is rough. I'm sort of caught between being someone she can speak to with emotion, but then I have to switch my own on and off depending on what needs to happen. When you leave the room it's a tidal wave of the realisation of a new reality for her.
All my discussions with the old man are clinical (and it needs to be), but I can see a few cracks in his demeanour which is.. unusual and.. heartbreaking (and telling).
I don't really have hope that her vision will recover beyond where it is now. But flipping emotion on and off like this is something I've never done.
Easier said than done, but you need to allow yourself the space to just be outside this dynamic. This is new territory for everyone and even for those that work in field. We can think or imagine how we’re going to respond or handle something like this, but the truth is we never know until we are in the moment.
I hope that you have people close where you can express this. It might also not be what your father wants to hear right now, but it sounds like your mother needs him as a husband and not a doctor right now. The sooner he hears that, the better. She’s probably scared and she needs to feel like she is more than someone who needs to be treated. You know, patient centered care and being holistic and all that…
Sending you the biggest hugs. Please talk to friends/loved ones/or other if you can.
Heart goes out to you Racer. Navigating this will be a challenge for anyone. We are here for support and venting. There is still a chance that your mum will recover more than present situation too. Sending healing vibes.
You'll need to be there for your dad too - sounds like he might need someone to model how to be human/emotional too. Which is lot to ask but there's not a chance in hell that he'll seek outside professional advice methinks.
So many hugs. Healing is hard, and it takes a lot of time.
Used airtasker for the first time today. Damn this is useful and convenient! Listed The Couch of Doom to be removed for a pretty reasonable price and 4 offers within 45 minutes. Now booked in to be taken tonight by someone who seems really lovely and will actually use it too and not just take it to the tip. Sure the connection fee is pricey but the stress relief is monumental...
I've put together everything that the movers need to take away now - just need to give the fridge and tv console a wipe down. Let's hope to fuck that they can actually carry everything up to the new place with its narrow staircase, I will be fucked if they can't fit it in (I guess airtasker to the rescue again to take stuff off the footpath asap 😂)
God bless chilled out movers. Everything went flawlessly and they were such nice guys yet efficient and professional. The perfect thing for one of life's most stressful times.
One more item gone on FBM, another one pending... LL has finally emailed to say how she wants the keys dropped off - thankfully the agency's only a 15 min drive off peak from work, I could nip over during lunch and come back.
Need to catch my breath a little and eat something... then time for more ferocious packing and loading shit into my car.
Sometimes I eat my dinner standing in the kitchen to avoid this exact scenario lol
ABC news has a story that Alan Jones has been arrested on indecent assault charges spanning 20 years. About time.
I had a dream I failed a uni assignment. First one since I started this degree.
So it has begun...the anxiety, the self doubts, the...troubles.
You sound super organised and motivated. I believe in you!
(Don’t be me. I’ve done enough of that for all of us.)
Yesterday my dad called me a loser because I am underemployed right now. I am looking for another job that fits with the uni break, asking managers for more shifts, trying to better myself by actually having hobbies for once in my life and doing things with friends. Yeah, I still don't wake up super early, and yeah, I'm not happy with my life either, but I feel like I'm getting somewhere, after years of fighting battles in my mind and making shitty decisions.
Then you've got my twin sister who has had a full-time job even when she was studying, has a mortgage and her life is work, and she can get through each day without having to reassure herself that she's going to be fine. Most people my age aren't lucky enough to be in this position, but somehow this is the standard I'm expected to uphold. No one says it, but just by the way people in my life baby me around, I can tell that that's the way they want me to be.
/ end vent with lots of cognitive distortions
I'm sorry you had to go through that.
I know it's difficult to dismiss a parents opinion, but I would highly recommend it in this case.
It sounds like he has no understanding of the way the world works at the moment. I hear this a lot from people. That their parents are completely disconnected from the realities of life these days.
You're not a loser and I hope you know that ❤️
Yesterday my dad called me a loser because I am underemployed right now. what a prick. You didnt need to say or justify anything beyond that. Hes a prick. Nothing more to say and nothing else matters beyond that. You dont speak to your kids like that. EVER. Even if you aint a kid any more.
He did apologise, saying he believes in me and that he was just trying to push me, but that's definitely a mean thing to call someone.
He may be sincere in his apology, but I'm so sorry you experienced that from your father. The things our parents say tend to stick around a while in our heads (my egg donor said "you're just like your father!" And slapped me when I replied "good!" lol, I'll never forget), but know that YOU ARE NOT A LOSER!!!!! no one here would ever say or think that about you, because it's untrue! You are nowhere near to being a loser and your dad should spend the rest of his life making it up to you imo.
We love you!
It's the sort of comment that might have motivated him as a young man, and may be motivational for your twin, but definitely is not effective as a motivator for you. And as your parent he should have seen that a lot earlier.
Jesus Christ, I'm sorry but a parent should not be calling their child that.
That's just not right!
People go through different journeys through life to get to where they want, there's no playbook by any means.
I always wanted a turkey baster and thanks to Aldi I now have one.
Ps. When I typed in baster it automatically typed in bastard.
Yesterday I was in my lounge room and I heard water running so I cocked my head, went into the kitchen and realised FUCK ITS THE LAUNDRY. So I sprint in there and turn the tap off. My washing machine had sprung a leak. First thing i did was take off my socks because ick. Water everywhere. Luckily it didn't reach the hallway carpet. Cleaned it up. There was swearing but atleast I know I run towards danger, didn't panic and my hearing is still good.
Good news is I defrosted my freezer so I get to pack it with frozen goods from Aldi today.
I'm going to try to squeeze one more day of leave from work. Considering I'm not taking a break over Xmas, I feel like 4 days of leave isn't a huge deal.
Let's see what happens lol
I might have missed something - but anyone seen Bull lately? Is he still here under a different name?
He's active at the other joint.
I'm hoping @oztrin is OK.
For sure, she had a lot on her plate. I liked hearing about Sammy and Zooks. People come and go, of course. Hopefully they pop in and say hi occasionally! This is such a lovely space.
I found an easy recipe for Golden Syrup Pudding. Oooo yeah.
So it’s no secret here that I’m on thin ice at work and work is on thin ice with me. I think that ice is going to crack on both sides when I ask for an extra week off after the Christmas break.
Hey
Meowdy 🐱🤠
Well, the assignment is done and submitted. It's not very good. Hopefully it is enough to pass.
I really have no interest/enthusiasm for this subject, but it is compulsory in the diploma. I guess I just see how I go half arsing it and if I fail try to kick myself into trying a bit harder next go around.
I have an assignment due today that I haven't even started, so I'm getting lots of cleaning done 🤣
it's standard cbt to do the easy tasks first so that you build up resilience and momentum 👍
Righty ho. I've done the washing, vacuumed, done a thorough clean of the plate rack, been to the food market, cut up strawberries for the freezer and gone to the post office to deposit some cash. It might just be time to make a start on that assignment now...
Okay, scrambled eggs, coffee and overpriced spring water consumed.
Please, please, please, heavy machinery be done when I get back.
I think I'll be happy if I hear a few songs from Ten tonight to be honest.
Dark with no rain....what is this?
Also, had two people message me this morning (work related) with a 'Happy Monday'
Some people need a'killin
Excited for Pearl Jam tonight!!!!
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