this post was submitted on 29 Oct 2024
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I (21M) live in an Ohio household of hardcore Trumpers who, unfortunately, found out that I voted for Kamala Harris.

My father and brother are fascists. They believe in killing anyone who disagrees with Trumpism. My mother is not violent, but drank basically all the QAnon Kool-Aid and is batshit insane.

I am disabled. My cognitive ability suffers severely if I sit up or stand up for more than a few minutes. I also have another condition that requires me to avoid bending my neck, so I have to keep it straight. I also can't safely lift anything that's heavier than a few pounds, so anything more than that is very risky. I can push and pull fine.

I am also financially-dependent on my mother at the moment.

We moved to a new house recently, and the walls are very thin. That allowed me to overhear a private conversation between my father and brother.

My brother said that he hates Harris supporters so much that he wants a day of retribution where he goes on a violent rampage to kill everyone he knows who supports her, especially gay and transgender people. When my dad asked if that included me, he did not hesitate to say "Sure."

My brother is in peak physical condition. He owns guns and has military training. I had long suspected that he is the biggest potential threat to my life, but gaslighted myself into thinking I was overreacting. Today, he confirmed it.

My brother isn't the type to throw out threats of violence willy-nilly. He has also physically abused me in the past when we were younger and has major anger issues. I believe that I have to take this threat seriously, and that means that I need to evacuate ASAP. I think the most likely day for him to act is on election night or shortly after, which would give me just over a week. But then again, I can't be sure. Maybe he is planning a surprise.

My mother is too unreasonable to take any of this seriously.

I have a few thousand dollars and Democratic relatives from the South who might potentially take me in, though I don't know for sure if they will, since we're not close emotionally. I also don't know if my brother will go out of his way to target them once he notices my absence. He is going to an out-of-state Trump rally this week, so I know that he doesn't have much trouble crossing state lines.

I don't know where my birth certificate and social security card are, other than that my mother has them somewhere. My father is home the entire time and stays in one spot where he can see everything. Even if I knew where they were, there is no way for me to retrieve them without him noticing.

Fuck fascism. I was born to a family of vile abusive sociopaths. It was hell the whole time. I won't miss any of them. Fuck them. They are a disappointment to the rest of my family line. I spent my entire life learning how to become a decent human being in spite of it all and now the fuckers want me dead. FUCK. THEM.

The thing that separates me from the rest of my family is empathy. I refused to hate the people they wanted me to hate. Instead, I listened to their stories and befriended them. I care about everyone, not just straight white Christians. I voted for Harris because I wanted the best for everyone, which means preventing the installation of an authoritarian regime. And for that, I must pay the ultimate price.

I may never get to experience love or deep friendship, but no matter how this all ends, I vow to spend the rest of my days pouring out as much love and joy as I can out to every last ally I meet.

Any advice would be helpful. I don't want to wait, but I also can't do this without some kind of plan. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing, so any input is appreciated.

Thank you.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 hours ago

Do you have any disability income?

[–] [email protected] 96 points 18 hours ago (2 children)

My brother said that he hates Harris supporters so much that he wants a day of retribution where he goes on a violent rampage to kill everyone he knows who supports her, especially gay and transgender people. When my dad asked if that included me, he did not hesitate to say "Sure."

Isn't that already a case for the police or FBI or something?

[–] [email protected] 33 points 17 hours ago

My first thought also. I get people not wanting to get the police involved (i.e. some officers may share the sibling and father's sentiment), but this is definitely a situation where authorities should be contacted. This really feels like we're going to hear in like two months a local TV reporter say the words: "from a FOI request, we've learned that the two suspects were on police radar for months."

[–] [email protected] 24 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (1 children)

Isn't that already a case for the police or FBI or something?

Yes

[–] [email protected] 5 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Where the police are also trumpers? Hell no.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

FBI would be federal officers, no?

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[–] [email protected] 63 points 18 hours ago

You don't have family there. You have relatives.

[–] [email protected] 58 points 18 hours ago

Assuming this is real, and that you have a cell phone, I think your best resource is your not crazy relatives. Ask to visit. I find it more likely your brother is just boasting and full of shit, but if you are physically delicate, it could still end badly.

So call them and tell them what you told us, that you are worried. If they invite you, that will be an excuse to get your stuff from your mom. You need allies.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

If you can get relatives to help, do that. If not, contact a local women's shelter or other abuse-related non-profit. They may or may not be able to help directly, but they will most likely know what other resources are available.

I wish you the best.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 11 hours ago (4 children)

I don't think a women's shelter is going to help him much...

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

do you have a driver's license?

you can get a running camper or even a large van in a pinch for less than a few thousand.

it's not the most comfortable thing in the world for everybody, but if you get an RV, you have a tiny independent apartment on wheels free and clear.

you have no more rent after the initial purchase, and obviously it's private so you have as much time as you need to to figure out what you're going to do next.

That's the quickest way to get your own private space and I can walk you through it(browse, visit, buy, register) and look at vehicle listings near you.

I can walk you through exactly how hygiene and all the everydays work in the vehicle you get, likely expenses and all of that per month, it's all doable and not a huge adjustment from living in a regular apartment.

birth certificate in almost every state can be replaced in 1-2 weeks for about 40 bucks or expressed in a couple days for 80 bucks, and with your birth certificate and a couple other documents like tax forms or some other identifier, you'll be able to get your SSN card replaced as well.

If you have any other specific practical questions, please send them over here. I've replaced many documents before, I've lived in an RV, I've been traveling for a decade, and I'm thriving on the other side.

I have life experience I'm happy to share and you can take from it what you find useful.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

I don't have a driver's license, I just have a state ID card. So I'll probably need someone else to help me with any vehicle stuff. Thanks for the reply.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 hours ago (2 children)

If someone got you an uber, would you have a place to go?

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[–] [email protected] 79 points 20 hours ago (2 children)

If you're serious go to the police immediately and remove yourself from physical danger, deal with the rest of it later

[–] [email protected] 71 points 20 hours ago (3 children)

Having been involved in a conversation about this sort of family dynamic with police, I wouldn't recommend it. Unless OP is in a gigantic city, he is not going to receive any help from the police that actually protects him. What will happen is the police will listen to his story, then go talk to the other parties involved to get their story.

If an officer believes him right off the bat, they can/may hold off on talking to the rest of the family and tipping them off that OP is making these claims, but even in that case OP still may be stuck in the house. They might be able to connect him to a shelter. Might. The problem is that he is male. Male domestic violence shelters are almost certainly going to be a shit-show at best, and 95% chance there isn't a shelter for males of domestic violence within any distance that the cops would help him get to.

The best bet for OP that involves cops is to follow Chonk's advice: https://links.hackliberty.org/post/3089471/5115602

Use the cops for what they are actually good at: protecting you in the exact moment they are there. Anything else is going to be a time-consuming investigation, unless the brother/father literally admit to planning to kill OP.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 18 hours ago

Pigs are also more likely to side with the fascists.

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago)

Murder threats are always serious. EDIT: When the victim thinks they are not - the most. It's a protection mechanism or something, if a person receives murder threats and waves those off, it means the situation is really serious. When a threat alarms them, it may or may not be serious. But if it doesn't, then run. Cause it means that the threat has been preceded by something less direct to desensitize them to threats from that person or group.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (5 children)

This is a long reply. I'll do it in spoiler tags for the convenience of people who don't like that.

It sounds like you already have your answers on what to do, which is the question everybody is trying to answer:

  1. You believe you are at real risk, so you need to get out.
  2. You can't safely access your primary ID documents, so don't (or if possible before leaving town, go the APS rout suggested by another commenter). Take any secondary ID you have with you and replace primary ID later.
  3. This is the one you seem least sure about, but you've identified your best safe destination, at least to start. Go to your Democratic relatives, and plan next steps from there. I'll add to this and other "what" questions in a reply

There are two other ways to understand what you're asking for in this post.

The first is validation to build confidence in your decision.You have it.

Nobody is in a better position than you are to judge the seriousness of the situation. Trust your gut and get out.

The other way of reading the question is not what to do, but how. Logistics. This is the thing that hasn't been addressed.

I am disabled. My cognitive ability suffers severely if I sit up or stand up for more than a few minutes. I also have another condition that requires me to avoid bending my neck, so I have to keep it straight.

This suggests you don't drive, and that long walks or waiting at a bus stop aren't good options for you. Since you've presumably lived with your disability for some time, I'm going to assume you have local transport options sorted out - please reply with more details (level of urban, distance and size of nearest cities if rural, details on who drives you places if applicable, social connections) if if that's wrong.

You may or may not not have much long distance travel experience. How have you made longer trips in the past, other than your parents driving?

Driving

  1. Convincing a liberal friend to drive you to a red state within a week of the election is a tough ask - even if they are willing and have the time, they may not feel safe doing so. If they do, they're also more likely to downplay the risk from your brother. Most people who can do this are not working: retired, unemployed, or stay-at-home parents.

Unemployed friend should be your first choice here: probably happy to make the trip if you cover gas and lodging. Stay at home parent is less likely to be able to get away because of the need to handle childcare. Retired people you know are probably also connected to your parents, which make them riskier options.

  1. There are also websites and apps for pairing strangers with and without cars going in the same direction. Usually the person with the car will want gas money from the one without. This is a riskier option for you. It may also take longer and require you to make temporary arrangements to stay somewhere locally, and even then not work out.

First, don't use Facebook for this - too easy for it to get back to your family. Use your favorite search engine or app store to find a "road trip carpooling" tool. Probably as manybas possible, if you choose this option.

With your disability, you're more vulnerable to unsympathetic or even politically hostile drivers. When they ask about your trip, don't tell them why you left. You're going to visit family you haven't seen in a while. Talk about things you've done with them in the past, and what you're looking forward to doing with them now. Don't mention things that convey their (or your) politics.

If you're paired with a MAGAt or someone who holds otherwise objectionable views, do not push back. Express indifference, or even agreement if that's what it takes. You're vulnerable both because of your disability and because they control your transportation - you don't want to be stranded at the next rest or gas stop.

AirYou will need state ID, drivers license, or passport for this. You can buy a ticket online through a site like Travelocity, Kayak, or Orbitz. That will usually be cheaper than through the airlines. Print your ticket if you feel safe doing so, otherwise you can get it at check-in at the airport.

Show up over an hour early - preferably two, I don't know how muvh your disability may slow things down. Check-in is probably at a kiosk. Then ask the first uniformed person you see for mobility assistance. With your standing issues, that will probably mean someone to push you in a wheelchair to TSA. Documentation of your disability may help here, but shouldn't be necessary.

After TSA, they'll probably send a golf cart to rake you to the gate. Once boarding is called, disability should make you eligible to board at any time. If you need to lie down to keep enough cognitive ability to recognize the right boarding call, do so, and explain to any official that tells you to sit up (but they probably won't). Ignore any passengers that say anything about it - you don't have to answer to them.

When you board, make the flight crew aware of the cognitive issues with sitting. Ask them to tell you specifically at each stop if it's time for you to exit the plane.

When you arrive, ask for mobility assistance again. There will be a taxi stand at the airport if you need that. You may not want to call ahead to your family even then, so you can make your request in person not to contact your brother and parents.

BusGreyhound, or Megabus. You will need state ID, drivers license, or passport for this. It will be physically challenging.

Again, you can buy tickets online. I recommend this, as they sell out. If buying and printing the ticket at home is not safe, you can still plan the trip and then buy at the terminal if there is one - but it limits your starting point options to actual terminals (not all Greyhound stops have them). The ride will be long, cramped, and you will almost certainly have to change buses at some point. Bring something to do that won't run down your phone battery, like a book or knitting.

There will be less assistance than with flying. Lying down at the station is more common, but if they're full they're more likely to make you sit up despite your disability. There will be stops where you can buy food. There won't be a taxi stand at the other end, but there will almost certainly be a local bus stop.

> I also can't safely lift anything that's heavier than a few pounds, so anything more than that is very risky. I can push and pull fine.

Do you have a rolling small suitcase you frequently use for taking things with you when you go places nearby? If so, pack what you can in that. Ignore things that can be easily replaced (personal care items, fashion clothing, etc) and plan to replace them when you get where you're going. Thrift stores are your friend. Focus on things of emotional, medical, or financial value. If there's room left, pack underwear since that can't be gotten used.

If leaving with anything would be unusual, don't. Getting you out is the most important thing. Everything else is secondary. If you go the APS route for your ID, they can help you retrieve some belongings at the same time. Otherwise, plan to figure it out later.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

Great breakdown! I'd like to add train to the options. OP might be able to utilize an Amtrak train for a portion of the trip depending on the travel destination. Here's a map of their routes. Tickets can be purchased online, they offer assistance for disabilities, and they have places to lie down or eat food.

If you decide to fly OP, consider getting a pack of gum to chew on to help with pressure/popping in your ears during altitude changes of takeoff and landing.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago)

Thank you, I thought I missed one! Again, this will also require some form of ID. It also provides greater leg room and comfort than airplane or bus. The seats also recline more than either of the others, which may be helpful given OP's cognitive issues with sitting up for extended periods.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 hours ago

I'd add shelters to the list if you can't immediately get direct travel to family. Many provide support services as well which can help you on your next steps.

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[–] [email protected] 409 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (6 children)

If you're as disabled as you say and either you have documentation (such as state benefits) or it's just obvious I would try APS (adult protective services) over the cops. Things will move faster and more effectively if you do some of the legwork (hypothetically speaking) for them ahead of time.

  1. Get in touch with the family that might take you in. Try to find three options who confirm they will take you. Write down or keep in a Google doc or whatever their: full names, phone numbers, email addresses, and physical addresses. The number one thing I see holding up cases like yours is housing, and if you have all those details worked out ahead of time a caseworker can do a lot more for you a lot faster. A lot of the time our psych social workers can get someone a uber / lyft or bus ticket easily enough, the problem is figuring out where they're going. If you have the contact info of someone they can call right there and then who has already agreed to take you, you are a slam dunk open and shut case. Get three so you have backups.

  2. Arrange for a ride locally such as a friend or acquaintance or literally anyone else who has a car and is willing to help you for 24-48 hours. This should not be hard to talk someone into. Many people want to help a person like you but don't have the resources to house someone for weeks or months. For this acquantaince you are an easy way to help and feel good about themselves. Use that. Tell them to wait for you to contact them. Again, try to get three options set up so you have two failsafes.

  3. AFTER you've done that, call your local APS (adult protective services) or file a report online. Do whatever you can to keep your family from knowing you called because it might take a few hours up to maybe even a day or two for them to get to you and you don't want your family tipped off in the meantime. Tell them you're being held by your family and kept from accessing your legal identifying documents like your birth certificate. If you get state benefits your documentation or papers regularly mailed to you may also have a compliance / abuse reporting hotline number somewhere on it. You could also try a crisis hotline through an organization that does community outreach. Tell them they have abused you in the past and you are in fear for your life. Tell them you HAVE A PLACE TO GO you just need help getting your documents. Again, you are easy to help in this situation, they don't need to worry about setting you up with benefits or housing or anything, just transport maybe. This is what the numbers and addresses are for, they may want to confirm you have somewhere to go and even have options. Just play up the danger and that they're keeping you from your documents. If you get an asshole worker wait six hours and try again (change of shift) or try calling a different agency or the next town over. You may also be able to find other places to call or worst case scenario call 911.

  4. The SECOND they show up and if they're able to get you those documents, get the hell out to that person who's helping you locally and block your family and do not tell or hint or give them any other indication of where you're going. Don't even tell the person giving you a ride if you think it will get back to them. If necessary tell them an entirely different final destination and just get them to get you to the airport / bus terminal and get out.

  5. while you're waiting, get all your medications, medical equipment / supplies, any valuables or sentimental items, and 3-5 changes of clothes all in the same area of the house. Make sure to pack sentimental clothing but especially pack accessible clothing that's easy for you to dress yourself with. Get them into a bag if you think you can do so discreetly, but a box or even just a pile in an out of the way corner is fine. If you have any special skin safe shampoo or other non-medicine but important toiletries stash them too or just make sure they're all in the same place in the bathroom. Get everything into 1-3 discreet / hidden piles so you just need to throw them in a trash bag and go. If there's any valuables you think your family will try to dispute ownership of, try to get any receipts or photos of you wearing or using them or texts from someone who bought them for you or whatever else you can find and put them in a Google drive folder or email to yourself. Worst case scenario though, be willing to leave some things behind if you have to.

Good luck and godspeed. :)

[–] [email protected] 4 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)

Actually, none of this advice is actionable for OP because Ohio doesn't have exceptions for disability for APS. You must be 60 years or older.

"Adult" means any person sixty years of age or older within this state who is disabled by the infirmities of aging or who has a physical or mental impairment which prevents the person from providing for the person's own care or protection, and who resides in an independent living arrangement.

https://codes.ohio.gov/ohio-revised-code/section-5101.60

It looks like certain countries may extend those benefits to 18-60 year olds with disabilities, but only if they have funds, and only specific a handful of counties. It's absolutely no guarantee because the law does not require the DOJFS to respond if the person is under 60.

Honestly, if they follow your advice, the DOJFS is likely to just call the cops anyway.

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[–] [email protected] 56 points 22 hours ago (14 children)

I really curious how they found out that you voted for Harris. Was the party dumb enough to send you a thank you letter with blue stickers or something?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

A lot can be inferred. OP probably has talked about his political beliefs before with their family present (or eavesdropped). Either that, or OP had some arguments with his dad and his brother and they're now taking leaps of faith thinking he must be a democrat.

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[–] [email protected] 33 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

You need to come here to Australia mate.

Honestly, I feel like there are going to be a lot of refugees from the US if Trump wins

[–] [email protected] 34 points 19 hours ago (10 children)

Have you seen Australias immigration policy? If hes got a disability, hes probably already denied. And how many of Americas allies do you think are going to start accepting refugees from the US? They wouldn't risk the optics of it.

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Idk about the US but here in europe you can call social services and if you are serious they will send someone out to get you and at least temporarily you can stay at the relatives who dont want to harm you.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 16 hours ago

Not 100% sure, but I think it depends on the area. A lot have gutted services like this to the point that they either barely exist or do not at all. If this is the case then the only people that will respond are the cops, which I'm sure they don't want to take that chance.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

How did they find out who you voted for?

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[–] [email protected] 52 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 22 hours ago) (3 children)

I don't know how things go in the USA but in my country if anyone was to threaten to kill me, like a real threat not some shit talk, I would call the police and they would deal with that. Even more so if I told them I have a disability of some sort and can't defend myself.

Also, you need to contact a social assistance office, or whatever you may have like that in your town/region/state, because you need to get away from them and be able to sustain yourself. A change that will most certainly take a lot of your energy and focus — one more reason to let the police deal with the death threat.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Most police forces in the US were infiltrated by fascist white supremacists long ago. It's why even in very progressive places like Seattle, the police forces are under federal supervision for racism and so many POC are murdered all the time. It's rarely worth calling them. Mostly I only report crime for insurance purposes.

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[–] [email protected] 64 points 22 hours ago (8 children)

Unfortunately, calling police in America may put you in danger. It's one of the many, many reasons I've left. I don't think people quite understand what it does until they've lived in other, safer places.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 17 hours ago

I believe the FBI is who you’d contact my dude

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