Humanities & Cultures

My experience as a dude growing up in a rural region has been harsher.

There's this subconscious dick-measuring contest between males, especially among teenagers, which means if there's any suspicion of you doing something different in a way that's 'better' health-wise or moral-wise, the more insecure folks will feel personally attacked and become aggressive. Especially so, if they're drunk.

And particularly in rural regions, you're much more limited in the social circle you get to choose. The twats who have a problem with you not drinking, they're inevitably your peers.

This reminds me of a time my friends thought I was weird for going to a brewery with them. They thought I wouldn't have fun if I didn't drink.

The brewery also makes their own root beer, so it ended up being fun anyway.

Lesson 1: Nobody cares.

Initially, I was terrified of judgment. What would my friends think if I didn’t drink? What about a potential partner? Will they think I’m a loser? Wait. Stop. Nobody cares.

This is such a freeing reminder that whether or not you choose to drink, it literally does not matter. Sure, you might encounter 20 seconds of awkward dialogue with a new friend, a coworker, a potential partner, but ultimately, that’s it. Most well-meaning people stop caring very quickly. Which reminds me of one of my favorite facts: nobody is thinking about us as much as we think about ourselves. That’s a good thing.

Lesson 2: If it does matter, that’s not your problem. If someone makes a fuss about your lack of alcohol consumption, that actually has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. I know that sounds like a boring modern platitude — “that’s a them problem” — but it’s true. That’s a them problem. I’ve had a date or two who’ve been offended, “slightly confused” as they said, that I agreed to go out on a drinks date when I don’t drink. But just because I don’t drink doesn’t mean I’m not entitled to my fair share of swanky hotel lobbies and fancy glassware! This leads me to my next lesson…