This person has never touched a Zelda game in their life
this post was submitted on 09 Oct 2024
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Zelda fans, including the conservative ones, have been asking to play as Zelda for a long time. Because God forbid we explore the character of the titular character.
Zelda fans, including the conservative ones, have been asking to play as Zelda for a long time.
That's somewhat surprising to hear, because I've argued with Zelda fans, including leftist ones, that ran interference for the all-important P R O P H E C Y that was said in a 90s game that wasn't even the start of the series that required the same three people to reprise the same roles in the same story beats in the mainline games apparently forever.
I'm disapointed it's some weird simple pokemon game instead of part of the core franchise. I want to run around doing cool magic and tranforming in to Sheik.
A fucking wizard was one of the main protagonists in Lord of the Rings. Forget Zelda, this person hasn’t touched the entire fantasy genre in their life.
Well, the wizard is actually an angel
Dei woke galadriel is ruing lord of the rings bc... oh wait no that's an actual thing the chuds are doing right now.
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It's a tourist, Paulie, another fuckin' tourist! 
Gamers are just rapidly degenerating into the Christian soccer moms they used to hate 20 years ago, it's kind of incredible
You're welcome, bucko!
Honestly yeah that piece of shit is a big part of it. The whole anti-SJW "skeptic" community was nothing but a fascist brainwashing machine.
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I've noticed this with the wider counter culture.
On reddit the r/dankmemes subreddit agrees that smoking pot is deadly, sexuality is shameful and the only cool way to be edgy is to say slurs and support republican politicians.
We're unitonically at the point of the "counter culture" being Christina conservatism, which fucking sucks more than I have words for.
Well I've got a few words..... president Xi.... 
How to be cool on the internet in 2024
Honest question as a non native speaker: What's a soccer mom, and isn't it a misogynistic term?
In the 80s, 90s and 00s conservative parents' groups were at the forefront of the culture war, protesting against heavy metal, rap, Dungeons and Dragons, video games and whatever else they believed was corrupting their children
Soccer moms are mothers who take their kids to sports events, whether it's practice or games. They usually drive a large van so they can carpool with other families from the same team as their kids. They are generally stay-at-home moms, doing house chores and taking care of the children. This is only possible because they are affluent, well-to-do, and live in suburbs.
It can be misogynistic in stereotyping women because stay-at-home moms are often looked down on, despite what they do being intense, full-time labor. Where soccer moms get a bad rap is when they abuse legal drugs (namely alcohol and prescriptions) during the day. Or they get a bit too hyped over their kids' sports. There's always some shit head at a little league baseball game getting drunk and trying to fight other parents/referees/actual, literal children.
Generally though, "soccer mom" is a neutral term describing people who parent as a job and help other families with transportation, event organizing, and recreational activities.
It's not a joke and you will actually invite bad things into your lives
In particular, you will invite screeching evangelical wackos, who will endlessly explain how every time you press Down-C to activate Nayru's Love, Jesus cries and a demon bites your soul
I keep forgetting there are Americans who unironically think that animated skeletons and dark wizards are something you need to worry about.
My skeleton is animated, they're real folks!
Brain poisoned US evangelical whose parents didn't let them read Harry Potter because it's witchcraft?
critical support?
Me but even as a ten year old I could see how ridiculous and arbitrary it was, making me completely drop even the slightest belief in religion. Genuinely can’t comprehend the brain that sincerely believes “yeah actually witchcraft is a serious existential threat and even mentioning it in fiction is dangerous”
Arguably the oldest story in Angloid culture revolves around a protagonist who wields magical power, and whose perennial closest advisor is the mightiest wizard in the land.
Beowulf had a talking dragon that hoarded treasure and was ruining the land with his greed. WOKE 
Grendel's mum had DEI chin.
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The only thing matching Nintendo's stuffy conservative hangups about Zelda games is the even more regressive and reactionary side of the fandom.
Yes, I know "the same story beats, the same boy rescues same girl from same ethnically coded villain over and over again forever and ever because a 90s game said so" sells. I don't have to like it.
Gamergate was a psyop to make the suburban soccer moms become the standing authority on what constitutes a “good” game. I see no evidence against this.
It’s all part of the WASP obsession with the entire world being a boring, sexless mess.
It’s all part of the WASP obsession with the entire world being a boring, sexless mess.
It's even more contradictory than that: Burgerland is both sex-averse and sex-obsessed, so there's this paradoxical clash of Puritan ideology and coarse hedonism with a hearty helping of misogyny and fetishizing otherfied and "lesser" people.
Sex is supposed to be forbidden, sensuality repressed, and so what percolates out is basically the fucked up shit in the average fundie community.
It's that way with 
gaters: they want constant bland vanilla horny portrayals of Lara Croft but get really mad if Lara Croft is a lesbian with an active partner, for example.
Was thinking about how all these woke dei gamers are probably also masturbation obsessed "porn addict" nofap weirdos. "Girl not hot!" And then "omg how do i stop having erections ever?" In the same hour.
It's a very real and very absurd ideology, and I've known and even roomed with self-described "NoFappers" that bragged about their porn and their "retention of fluids." The claim was that being horny without getting the catharsis of orgasm "increased their power level." By that it made them aggressive sex pesty assholes. 
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LINK USES MAGIC
ALL THE FUCKING TIME
WHAT DO YOU THINK THOSE GREAT FAIRIES ARE DOING, EXTENDING HIS LINE OF CREDIT?
I don't understand how "Magic is real and even thinking about it summons powerful forces" is an argument AGAINST learning about magic. "Could you cast spells to solve all the problems around you? Of course, but you shouldn't because reasons."
Pet theory: The reason fundies hate/are scared of witchcraft is that it doesn't need to be sanctioned. I put in time, money, went to Sunday School and I even didn't covet anyone's wives, dammit. You can't just do stuff, it has to go through the proper channels.
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I'm not exactly the world's most positive person bit I am genuinely thankful that I'm not so fucking stupid, gullible, or underestimulated that i give a shit about this kind of stuff.
Like imagine having a legitimate intense emotional reaction to what gender the cute little character you're playing as in a child's game is.
What were these people like 100 years ago, having an aneurism because they included the thimble as a playable piece in monopoly?
When I was little, I thought Link was Zelda and therefore a girl. Didn't find out he was Link and the title referred to another character until I was like 12 and actually beat a Zelda game.
Princess Zelda's had magical powers since Ocarina of Time, at least.
And Link could use magic too.
Gamer : i hate anita she wants to ban vidya games just like those christiann moms!!!
2 years later
Gamer : magic in video games is a sin and should be banned
Amazing how gamers literally whine about everything in a video game but god forbid if you think theres a certain sexist element in a vidya game.
Middle-Earth Has Fallen
My favorite fantasy character is Gandalf the normal dude.
He may be talking about Conan, who did actually foreswear magic. Conan stories are also turbo-racist and often (though not always) misogynisyic.
[Pain Threshold: 10] The frontispiece of this old paperback features a muscleman in chains, kneeling before a salacious-looking woman on a regal seat. A bonfire lies between the throne and the man, casting shadows on the wall – and the shadow of the vixen's head-dress looks like a pair of demonic horns...
This book was written in '38 and is part of the Man from Hjelmdall series. Its back cover synopsis reads, "Man from Hjelmdall returns in his most exciting adventure yet! After crashing into a strange jungle, cannibalistic natives abduct his only surviving comrade, noble Tyrbald. Before Man from Hjemdall can mount a rescue, he is ambushed by a tribe of female warriors and taken to the ancient citadel of Cloud City, where a mysterious and wicked queen rules supreme. Will Man from Hjelmdall be able to escape his dire situation and find his missing friend?"
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Do none of these "gamers" play video games?
Link has had control over time, the weather, etc forever.
I think there might even be a game where he's a werewolf or something? Fuck
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There definitely was never magic in zelda games before this
This shit is so boring man. There’s so much more wrong with $60 games. I played through this game hoping for the best. The highest praise i can give is that while the presentation is perfect, the gameplay is half baked at best and frustrating at its worst.
The echoes are a great idea but they’re seriously lacking in depth. Maybe 5 of them can be used for almost every “puzzle”. The stronger combat echoes trivialize the combat. The dungeons are too short and simple save for maybe one or two of them. Thinking i liked gerudo, zora, and faron the best.
I was totally mesmerized by being able to traverse a “2d” zelda map in the manner that some of the more vertically inclined echoes. They even present you with some classic zelda dungeon rooms that can be maneuvered in the classic way or be completely subverted by the player if you remember you’re playing the new game. which is very satisfying the first few times. However, by hour ten and in the last few dungeons that novelty wore off and it became very clear they forgot to make any kind of challenging puzzle involving clever echo use beyond flying tile + platboom or water tile. i don’t think zelda games have ever been or have supposed to be “challenging” but I don’t think i’m off base asserting that some puzzles aren’t immediately solvable in older games.
The menus are dogshit and waste you time. The dialogue boxes waste your time. Resetting mini games waste your time. Making smoothies wastes your time. Sorting through your 127 echoes wastes your time. I’m not sure why this is acceptable but the only answer is that ppl buy it and complaints don’t have to be heard after they have your money so fuck it i guess. The only way to get a solid game out of these stooges is to force system memory limitations on them again.
Oh did you want to play in the old style? don’t worry we put that on a timer and you can go into link mode and feel what it’s like to play a tight lovingly crafted game for a few fleeting moments before your juice bar hits 0.
The dialogue itself is good. the tutorials aren’t annoying. tri is a good companion. i adore the art style. There is a lot of observational skill involved with some hidden items and heart pieces. I had fun, but I feel like they stopped just short of making a 10/10 to intetionslly a 5/10 baby game. Games are for children. just go play Tunic
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Zelda has like...always used magic?
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