this post was submitted on 02 Sep 2024
208 points (94.4% liked)

Greentext

4319 readers
1067 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 32 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 84 points 2 months ago (1 children)

If you use language like "beta" unironically, you may already be a beta.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

Beta status exists in a quantum superposition until someone watches Joe Rogan unironically and it collapses into their nuts.

[–] [email protected] 69 points 2 months ago (2 children)

The full Tate Maneuver requires blackmail. Your first mistake was not getting the dirt on her, beta cuck OOP.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 months ago (2 children)

What kind of insult is Object Oriented Programmer??

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Everyone knows functional programming is the only real programming.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

OOP is for betas

But also alphas, and full releases

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Original Poster: person who submitted this to Lemmy

Original Original Poster: person who submitted the story to 4chan

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago

Because of the implication.

[–] [email protected] 43 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

The only solution to get out of this is to pretend to be flamboyant and treat it like you use that phase everywhere.

"This chocolate is so good let's have sex" and "thank you for these extra napkins we should have sex". Say it everywhere. To mailmen. To your boss. To dogs.

Make everything about sex.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

The boss is surprisingly down to fuck. He even has condoms and lube in his office drawer.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 2 months ago (1 children)

she says: what

Chicken butt.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

Chicken thigh!

[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Any idea what show or movie this screenshot is from? Pretty sure that’s Carrie Coon but I don’t recognize the context.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Possibly Fargo, there's a scene where she's clumsily hit on by a colleague.

Edit: Just checked, Fargo season 3 episode 3.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 months ago

Yeah she travels to LA to figure out some stuff that happened in the past, and another cop (played by Rob McElhenny, most famous for playing Mac on It's Always Sunny) is super helpful and showing her around and eventually loses his patience and just asks point blank whether they're going to have sex. Confirming that he was just being nice in the hopes of being able to bang.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

Anon is a professional photographer and this is a sly phone pic.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 months ago

You assert dominance by tearing your shirt off, jumping on a table and hooting while beating your chest.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 months ago (3 children)

It's too bad these incels can't get Groundhog Day'd until they learn to be decent people.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Whoever makes a simulator that converts incels to healthy well-adjusted men successfully is going to be a millionaire.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

DO

NOT

PUT

INCELS

IN

A

TIMELOOP

WITHOUT

CONSEQUENCES

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

On one hand, good point, that's kinda horrifying now that you mention it. 😬

On the other hand, wouldn't "without consequences" mean "without consequences?"

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

That depends on a whole lot more existential philosophy than I care to type about on a phone, but I guess you can just ask yourself if it's a crime against your moral authority of choice if no one remembers it.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

They choose what, please provide

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

"What country are you from?"

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

"Back to the drawing board."

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I SAID your dishwasher makes a lot of noise!
Want me to take a look at it?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Fake: anon asks for sex

Gay: anon gets pegged

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

"Cool. Got a hit friend you can hook me up with?"

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

ive heard of hitmen, what are hit friends? what do they do? where do they live? I NEED ANSWERS!!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

"you heard what I said" lol