this post was submitted on 02 Sep 2024
206 points (94.4% liked)

Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 83 points 1 week ago (1 children)

If you use language like "beta" unironically, you may already be a beta.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago

Beta status exists in a quantum superposition until someone watches Joe Rogan unironically and it collapses into their nuts.

[–] [email protected] 68 points 1 week ago (2 children)

The full Tate Maneuver requires blackmail. Your first mistake was not getting the dirt on her, beta cuck OOP.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 week ago (2 children)

What kind of insult is Object Oriented Programmer??

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Everyone knows functional programming is the only real programming.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago

OOP is for betas

But also alphas, and full releases

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Original Poster: person who submitted this to Lemmy

Original Original Poster: person who submitted the story to 4chan

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago

Because of the implication.

[–] [email protected] 42 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

The only solution to get out of this is to pretend to be flamboyant and treat it like you use that phase everywhere.

"This chocolate is so good let's have sex" and "thank you for these extra napkins we should have sex". Say it everywhere. To mailmen. To your boss. To dogs.

Make everything about sex.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

The boss is surprisingly down to fuck. He even has condoms and lube in his office drawer.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 week ago (1 children)

she says: what

Chicken butt.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago

Chicken thigh!

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Any idea what show or movie this screenshot is from? Pretty sure that’s Carrie Coon but I don’t recognize the context.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Possibly Fargo, there's a scene where she's clumsily hit on by a colleague.

Edit: Just checked, Fargo season 3 episode 3.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 week ago

Yeah she travels to LA to figure out some stuff that happened in the past, and another cop (played by Rob McElhenny, most famous for playing Mac on It's Always Sunny) is super helpful and showing her around and eventually loses his patience and just asks point blank whether they're going to have sex. Confirming that he was just being nice in the hopes of being able to bang.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

Anon is a professional photographer and this is a sly phone pic.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 week ago

You assert dominance by tearing your shirt off, jumping on a table and hooting while beating your chest.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 week ago (3 children)

It's too bad these incels can't get Groundhog Day'd until they learn to be decent people.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Whoever makes a simulator that converts incels to healthy well-adjusted men successfully is going to be a millionaire.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

DO

NOT

PUT

INCELS

IN

A

TIMELOOP

WITHOUT

CONSEQUENCES

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

On one hand, good point, that's kinda horrifying now that you mention it. 😬

On the other hand, wouldn't "without consequences" mean "without consequences?"

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

That depends on a whole lot more existential philosophy than I care to type about on a phone, but I guess you can just ask yourself if it's a crime against your moral authority of choice if no one remembers it.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago

They choose what, please provide

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

"What country are you from?"

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago

"Back to the drawing board."

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I SAID your dishwasher makes a lot of noise!
Want me to take a look at it?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Fake: anon asks for sex

Gay: anon gets pegged

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

"Cool. Got a hit friend you can hook me up with?"

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

ive heard of hitmen, what are hit friends? what do they do? where do they live? I NEED ANSWERS!!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago

"you heard what I said" lol