1232
Be unstoppable. (lemmy.world)
submitted 10 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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[-] [email protected] 235 points 10 months ago

If marriage isn't annoying your spouse with your nonsense on a daily basis then I dont know what marriage is.

[-] [email protected] 86 points 10 months ago

My wife is nearly annoy proof. If I texted that, she would get all warm and fuzzy.

[-] [email protected] 76 points 10 months ago

Sounds like your wife is keeping the Live, Laugh, Love pillow manufacturers in business.

[-] [email protected] 18 points 10 months ago

“Why fit in when you’re born to stand out?”

[-] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago
[-] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

It doesn't matter what comes, fresh goes better in life!

[-] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight!

[-] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

Hot dogs. Armor hot dogs!

[-] [email protected] 33 points 10 months ago

Have you tried removing the toilet seat 1 hour after your wife goes to bed, so that when she gets up to pee at 2am and doesn't turn on the light, she falls in?

Then you burst in, snap a pic, and upload it to your instagram with the caption "I keep the bitches pussy wet!"

Maybe THAT will annoy her?

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[-] [email protected] 16 points 10 months ago

I literally promised an eye-roll per day in my vows. Can't stop, won't stop.

(Holiday inn)

[-] [email protected] 16 points 10 months ago

Texting my spouse in another country with random nonsense, even though with our data plan, it's $0.10 a text.

[-] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago

Can't you use something like Telegram/Signal/WhatsApp and avoid the charges?

[-] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago

Signal. Whatsapp maybe. But Telegram isn't even encrypted e2e. Never Telegram.

[-] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Wait.. whaat ?? There are actual people who knowingly prefer WhatsApp to telegram ? I truly prefer telegram to WhatsApp, and am very surprised about this. To me WhatsApp = Facebook and I cannot fathom to use it if I can avoid it.

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[-] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago

I should have married you instead of my wife. She’s just not that into it…

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[-] [email protected] 159 points 10 months ago

"Go with the flow."

Divorce noises.

[-] [email protected] 125 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Menstruation jokes aren't funny. Period.

[-] [email protected] 87 points 10 months ago

Imagine saying to your period:
"Be unstoppable!"

[-] [email protected] 50 points 10 months ago

I was thinking the same thing. “Unstoppable” is not a trait you’d want to impart to your period.

[-] [email protected] 66 points 10 months ago

For maximum effect, save "walk like a champion!" until she's rushing to the bathroom.

[-] [email protected] 61 points 10 months ago

Is "be unstoppable" really a quote you want on something that stops something?

[-] [email protected] 33 points 10 months ago

Some periods ARE unstoppable. "Anemia" achievement unlocked!

[-] [email protected] 12 points 10 months ago

Omg the days I've had super plus tampons, PLUS pads, and they'd be soaked within hours 😭 thank god for birth control

[-] [email protected] 21 points 10 months ago

I hope doctors don’t say this anymore, but it used to be common for them to suggest having a kid if you had heavy periods and no kids. On top of that being an insane reason to have a child, wtf are you gonna do if it doesn’t work?? Now you have heavy periods and a small child.

[-] [email protected] 15 points 10 months ago

"How's mommy's little prescription today?"

[-] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago

I mean, it's free labor for small tasks. You ask a 2 year old to bring you a beer from the fridge, it's like a game to them! Just stock the beer on the bottom shelf so it's easily accessable to children. I mean, what were you going to use your crisper for anyways? Vegitables??? Pssshhhh!!!!!

[-] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)
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[-] [email protected] 57 points 10 months ago
[-] [email protected] 30 points 10 months ago

Baby please hurt me, please hurt me, some more

[-] [email protected] 24 points 10 months ago
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[-] [email protected] 42 points 10 months ago

This is a very brave person

[-] [email protected] 21 points 10 months ago
[-] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago
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[-] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

Vladislav? Baby, don't hurt me...

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[-] [email protected] 16 points 10 months ago

This is great. She’s got a keeper there.

[-] [email protected] 12 points 10 months ago

Can you imagine if a period never stopped. Poor girl would bleed out

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[-] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago

his dick needs a tampon costume

[-] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

Thank you kind stranger, now where the fuck can I buy one?

[-] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago
[-] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago

I'll save anyone else a click, even Etsy doesn't have anything even close to a tampon costume for a penis. That link does, however, somehow have a The "Rings of Saturn" Butthole in the search results, so... yeah.

[-] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Do you just siphon through old , like decades old, posts from reddit or whatever? I mean I want to participate I just don’t know how far back into pre-history

[-] [email protected] 16 points 10 months ago
[-] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

Now you’re getting into old man shouts at clouds territory

[-] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago

My litmus test is essentially whether I've seen it before or not, even if it looks like it could be old. If it made me laugh, I'll give it a shot and see if Lemmy enjoys it too.

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[-] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

I will be laughing at this one all day🤣

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this post was submitted on 22 Aug 2024
1232 points (98.9% liked)

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