A place for majestic STEMLORD peacocking, as well as memes about the realities of working in a lab.
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My wife has a couple of friends who are decent people but can't find anyone they would want to date.
I also have a female neighbour who looks 20 years older than she really is, smokes like a chimney, drinks like a dam and has different men knock at her door at different hours of the same day.
It's like attractiveness, lifestyle and personality don't matter when it comes to attracting mates.
I also have a female neighbour who looks 20 years older than she really is, smokes like a chimney, drinks like a dam and has different men knock at her door at different hours of the same day.
LOL that sounds like a different kind of "relationship" than what's discussed in this thread
The penetrative kind of relationship
The transactional kind of relationship.
It’s like attractiveness, lifestyle and personality don’t matter when it comes to attracting mates.
I know a few people who are on the dating apps constantly, bring home lots of different people, and then are right back out on the apps again the next week. But they don't find anyone committed, because they're... always just swiping away looking for the next hook-up.
I also know a few friends who were married back in high school / college, got divorced in their late 20s/early 30s, dated around for a couple of years, and then got married again in short order. They were laser-focused on looking for a permanent partner and found them.
Then I know a few friends who are chronically single because they do not know when people are hitting on them. Like, utterly blind to it. You can have a girl sit down square in the guy's lap and start playing with his hair and he will NOT GET THE CLUE. Its baffling.
A lot of it is about practice and recognizing social queues. A lot of it is knowing where to go to meet people. A lot of it is having a broad appetite - I know people who are simply terrified to talk to anyone of the wrong ethnicity or demographic, and that definitely hurts their prospects. I know people who are just incredibly picky, full stop, and won't return calls or engage with anyone romantically because they're always finding something they don't like.
Attractiveness is only a piece of the puzzle. Lifestyle and personality are a big part of it, but not in the way you might immediately guess. Sometimes just showing up and having a conversation with new people is enough to get you laid, dating, and married.
Crackheads usually meet lots of other crackheads (who usually enjoy sex) and manipulativeness is sadly a huge aspect of getting into relationships, bu how should I know, I've never been in a relationship.
I know some people who, while they are nice nd attractive, are both complicated and set too high standards. A long term relationship is tough work. You will have compromises along the way. If you can't accept that, you're doomed to stay alone. Some people come to that conclusion sooner than others.
similar with jobs. if you are currently employed its more attractive.
Or scholarships (once you have a few on your resume, you find it much easier to win more). Or grants.
Is it really that easy to get into another relationship when you're still in a relationship? How do people do it?
So, part of it is, that if one attractive person finds you attractive, other people are more likely to find you attractive.
Humans are an odd bunch, like that.
The other side of it, is that a truly astonishing number of people go through life being told- and believing- that they need to have a “serious” relationship to be happy/successful/not a total waste, and then there’s the biological hardwiring that more or less confirms this is true.
Sometimes, to the point that they jump from one shitty relationship straight into the next.
Codependency is one hell of a drug.
As someone in an ENM relationship, no. If you're an awkward nerd who happened to hit it off with one person, you're still an awkward nerd when trying to hit it off with a second.
(ethical non-monogamy)
My thoughts exactly. Being in a relationship doesn't necessarily change the baseline of a person. Dating will probably still be the same.
It is well known that, when you're single nobody wants you, but the second you manage to fool someone into relationship with you, you're the most wanted man around.
I'm just speculating here based on my own experience, but I wonder if part of it is also something subtle in your attitude that others pick up on.
When I met the man who is now my husband, I wasn't even looking for a relationship. I was just enjoying my life, exploring new hobbies, and was in a good place mentally -- that is, I was fine if I ended up single for the rest of my life.
I imagine married people also tend to be in a similar frame of mind where they aren't looking for a relationship, and maybe there's a confidence that comes out of that that is attractive to others.
It's a well known myth, yes.
a body in motion remains in motion etc ...
So you say if I start fucking, I'll never stop?
Well, at some point friction will start to become a relevant factor.
Lube up, my friend.
If you're a man, put on a wedding ring and go out to the bar and see for yourself. This may work if you're a woman too but I can not claim to have done the research on that one.
I have my dad's old wedding ring, I may try this. But the issue becomes I don't want to have a serious relationship with a woman who only likes me because she can "destroy my family" essentially (whether the "family" is fake or not.) Something seems seriously wrong with those people.
Taking care of a wife, a girlfriend, and a mistress all at once?
That's awful bigamy.
Fat and ugly remains fat and ugly
Biology
lol I’m fat (and, I wouldn’t say ugly, but I’m pretty ugly if I forgo my hygiene, acne prevention, and grooming routine for a couple days) and I’ve been in a few relationships and am married to a beautiful woman half my weight, and we love one another very much.
Fat doesn’t HELP, it certainly makes things more difficult. There are men/women who are immediately turned off by it. But dating and relationships are in many ways about personality and confidence. Personality you can improve on, and confidence you can fake, until both become natural to you.
Because being in a relationship means there's a higher probability of the person "having rizz", making it easier for them to move onto a new relationship, while being single for a while biases the sample towards people that are ~~toxic~~ single for a good reason.
if this observation is even accurate then an alternative explanation is just that people in relationships are more used to being emotionally available, more recently have practiced "relationshipping", and have a larger social circle.
Yeah. The more you do something, the better you get a it.