221
submitted 11 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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[-] [email protected] 177 points 11 months ago
  • Swimmer
  • Wrestler
  • Bodybuilder
  • Boy scout
  • Roman Catholic Parochial system

This is the gayest biography if there ever was one.

[-] [email protected] 130 points 11 months ago

NOT Gay

never acted on a single one of those urges

[-] [email protected] 74 points 11 months ago

I'm thinking it's a bit because of that part.

[-] [email protected] 49 points 11 months ago

lmao I didn't got to that part

[-] [email protected] 53 points 11 months ago

Yes I grinded against another guy to pin them down and establish dominance. No, it totally isn't gay.

[-] [email protected] 39 points 11 months ago

"im not gay! im not gay!!", i continue to insist as i slowly shrink and transform into a corn cob

[-] [email protected] 24 points 11 months ago

You say that but have you considered he went to a all-boys boarding school?

[-] [email protected] 17 points 11 months ago

I did all of those to some degree except catholic school. I'm straight. You know what I would say if I was in that guy's situation? "lmao"

You know how much freedom I feel when the LGBT+ are free? Folks, it's bigly a-little-trolling ! I have a bone to pick with everyone who goes "fellas, is it gay to drink pink lemonade?" I want a world where you love who you love and do what you do. Cause I want to be in that arcade with the crane games where the people are wearing the LGBT pins waaaaaaay more than I want to pay $8 for a hotdog at a baseball game.

[-] [email protected] 76 points 11 months ago

I’ve had my fair share of male on male dreams and that’s how I know I’m absolutely positively not a homosexual. I’ve never acted on a single one of those urges.

hang on, you’re constantly dreaming of gay sex and repressing ongoing gay urges and that is supposed to prove you’re not gay?

[-] [email protected] 53 points 11 months ago

eww, it’s a fuckin’ creep doing a bit for attention

[-] [email protected] 23 points 11 months ago

$EGIRL

Hell world

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[-] [email protected] 60 points 11 months ago

spending your life in catholic school isn't the "I'm not gay!!!" defense he thinks it is lol

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[-] [email protected] 58 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

However, I am a libertarian and I'm totally fine with people practicing love however they want on their own property.

You're not allowed to be gay if you're a renter

Edit: also the I am a libertarian bit makes it seem like he's cool with libertarian-alert on their own property

[-] [email protected] 46 points 11 months ago

coming soon to /r/landlords: As a Catholic landowner, how can I legally check that my tenants are not engaging in homosexual activities on my property?

[-] [email protected] 49 points 11 months ago
[-] [email protected] 31 points 11 months ago

Catholic guilt runs deep. I know a guy that came out this year at 31, which is fine, but I saw him kissing a guy when he was 18-19. He was engaged to a woman until 2022, too. He wasn't even under the influence, he just played it off as experimentation at uni which reaffirmed his straightness.

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[-] [email protected] 22 points 11 months ago

This absolutely has to be a bit, I refuse to believe such a caricature of a person actually exists

[-] [email protected] 49 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

This is a bit. The guy in the profile picture is a neo nazi hacker named “weev” who’s affiliated with Sam Hyde and various Nazi forums and media outlets. He fled to Lebanon or some other Arab country after being arrested for hacking. It’s likely not weev himself, just another fan.

[-] [email protected] 37 points 11 months ago

Thank you Ryan Gosling. I loved you in Barbie.

[-] [email protected] 14 points 11 months ago

it was too good to be true! too perfectly on the nose

[-] [email protected] 41 points 11 months ago

No way this isn’t a bit lol

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[-] [email protected] 38 points 11 months ago

Does anyone know the actor’s name? He has a fantastic ass.

[-] [email protected] 43 points 11 months ago

This might break your world view a little bit, but that's not a man, this is a clip from a straight porn video.

[-] [email protected] 37 points 11 months ago

seriously…? I’m going to fucking throw up…

[-] [email protected] 23 points 11 months ago

Release your statement on how you're totally not straight.

[-] [email protected] 17 points 11 months ago

I am addressing this once.

I am NOT straight.

I kissed men my entire life. I was a swimmer, wrestler, and pro bodybuilder. I was a Boy Scout for 10 years. I spent all my schooling within the Roman Catholic parochial system.

That being said, I’ve had my fair share of male on female dreams and that’s how I know I’m absolutely positively not a heterosexual. I’ve never acted on a single one of those urges.

However, I would not speak to my actions while on the property of others, as that is under their discretion according to John Locke‘s 2 commandments (the other being to love slavery).

[-] [email protected] 36 points 11 months ago

Being bi or otherwise m-spec is so much easier because this never happens. A nice ass is a nice ass! Hell yeah.

[-] [email protected] 28 points 11 months ago

"That's not a woman"

"Oh nice" hexbear-bi-2

[-] [email protected] 35 points 11 months ago

in college, after class, i used to practice wrestling moves with my neighbor in his bedroom dojo. just 2-3 hours a day, then a quick shower together where sometimes we had gay sex, before going home to study and read the bible with my dad.

trust me, i would know if i was gay.

[-] [email protected] 34 points 11 months ago

Just realizing that I have never had a man on man dream. Like 0 times. Is that weird?

[-] [email protected] 19 points 11 months ago

not a fujoshi

[-] [email protected] 13 points 11 months ago

No, that's normal. The only times I ever did it was super weird in a way I couldn't describe and then didn't think any further on that

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[-] [email protected] 33 points 11 months ago

What Catholic homophobia does to a motherfucker

[-] [email protected] 31 points 11 months ago

Couldn't be me biderman

[-] [email protected] 30 points 11 months ago

how do i achieve this ass shape for myself?

[-] [email protected] 15 points 11 months ago

Have your friend grab it with their hands

[-] [email protected] 14 points 11 months ago

friend

:deeper-sadness:

[-] [email protected] 13 points 11 months ago

touch grass get ass

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[-] [email protected] 26 points 11 months ago

Hey guys, I may dream of getting railed by another man but I'm totally not gay.

[-] [email protected] 26 points 11 months ago
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[-] [email protected] 22 points 11 months ago

Bro has had gay wet dreams and insists he's straight cause he's never acted on it. Someone please tell him what repression is.

[-] [email protected] 19 points 11 months ago

I'm so not gay that I repress my gay urges

[-] [email protected] 17 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

"I'm not gay! But there's not anything wrong with it."

~Jerry Seinfield

[-] [email protected] 17 points 11 months ago

obvious bit

[-] [email protected] 16 points 11 months ago

The rational response would be to watch gay porn and see if you're gay

[-] [email protected] 16 points 11 months ago

Shaking my dick in disapproval so everyone around me knows I'm not gay

[-] [email protected] 14 points 11 months ago

Almost literally what I did when figuring I am bi lmao hexbear-bi-2

[-] [email protected] 14 points 11 months ago

Read through waiting for the "Don't worry bro it's only gay if the balls touch”

[-] [email protected] 14 points 11 months ago

Holding hands in the loan office filling out paperwork for a mortgage. "Oh boy in 20 years we get to kiiisssssss" crush

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this post was submitted on 04 Jul 2024
221 points (100.0% liked)

chapotraphouse

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