Stormé DeLarverie, born on December 24th in 1920, was a biracial queer icon whose reported scuffle with police was the spark that ignited the Stonewall Riots in 1969. She is sometimes referred to as the "Rosa Parks of the gay community" or "Rosa Parks of Stonewall".
DeLarverie was born in New Orleans to a black mother and a white father, and spent the 50s and 60s as a "male impersonator" in the Jewel Box Revue, the period's only racially integrated drag troupe. Her gender-bending style of zoot suits and black ties was groundbreaking for the era.
On June 28th, 1969, at the Stonewall Inn in Greenwich Village, New York City, a scuffle broke out when a woman, believed to be Stormé, was roughly escorted from the door of the bar to the waiting police wagon. The woman fought with at least four of the police, swearing and shouting, for about ten minutes. When she shouted to the bystanders "Why don't you guys do something?", the crowd began rioting and clashed with police.
"It was a rebellion, it was an uprising, it was a civil rights disobedience - it wasn’t no damn riot."
- Stormé DeLarverie
A Brief History of Stormé DeLarverie, Stonewall’s Suiting Icon
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Do what needs to happen either way first
Lmao bare/bear(?) with me, this is kinda long. Do you make lists? Break things down into as small parts as you need to make the individual parts seem manageable.
Also do you have consistent processes/systems in how you need to do chores/tasks? Does everything in your living space have an assigned area?
The idea is too make things as simple as possible to approach, and then to work on and then complete. You shouldn't have to reinvent a new way to do things everytime.
I'll give an example, my kitchen is messy and I need to clean it.
Looking at it is a little overwhelming because there's lots of different stuff going on. I have some leftover prep stuff from dinner I made last night. I have a bag of snacks i got as a gift. Some dishes on the counter, some in the sink. If I was to make a list it would be.
Fortunately I have a general system when tidying/cleaning. So making the list wasnt hard. I also have assigned places for where everything goes, so doing the work wasn't hard either.
It's basically, remove clutter, put things away, then clean top down. Consolidate tasks when possible. Like you don't want to wash some dishes while there's still dishes on the counter. You don't want to clean the floor before you wipe the counters or do the dishes because you might get them dirty again.
Clean Kitchen
Clear counters -Store anything perishable
So I literally just did the above while I was typing through this. I still need to do the dishes but it looks way better now.
It would have been harder if I didn't have a spot for everything, I know where the pepper goes, I know where I keep my snacks, I know where I keep my bags. Once I started working I didn't have to think about what to do with something.
Since I wrote that list out before to I had a plan of attack and could go back to it if necessary.
Or do you get stuck on other parts of the process?
Edit: while I'm still thinking about it. The same idea above can be blown up. If you're like ok I need to clean my place. Or I want to be productive. Walk around with your phone or piece of paper or whatever and say ok, clean kitchen, laundry, dinner, self care.
Start as macro as you need, then break down those into as smaller categories as needed. Take out the ambiguity from it. That's one of the biggest things that stops me. I don't even want to think about a task because it sounds overwhelming, or I'm thinking about a task too much, but it's too abstract or ambiguous and it stresses me out.
Hell ya get that laundry done.
So forgive me if this next part doesn't seem relatable, or does not apply to you. I want to try and say it perfectly, but at one point I'm just going to stick with a particular wording and let it ride*. I'm not a professional, but I've done a lot of work addressing my own stuff, partly with professional help, and have found a framework, if you will, that helps me.
At a pretty basic level, I think there's two sides to the coin. There's information: tips, tricks, methods, processes, research, diagnosis, etc, and there's you and your relationship with yourself. How well do you know yourself? What do you think of yourself? How well do you treat yourself? Do you know how you think? Do you know how you react? Do you know how you feel? The better you can answer these questions, the better you can put yourself in a position to succeed.
I'm going to say mind, but that's shorthand for a persons brain, hormones, chemicals, physiology, habits, behaviors whatever else you want to include in the superstructure that is yourself, and how oneself processes and participates in life.
Everyone's mind works differently, or its variable enough where it might as well, but your mind probably isn't some wild place that always acts unpredictable. It might have blocks, it might work unintuitively, or be frustrating, it might have preferences, it might not work exactly the way you hope, but if you look inside enough, eventually you should probably be able to find some patterns.
If you better learn your mind, if you learn how it learns, responds, reacts to different things, you might be able to better position to do the things you want. Or you might be able to better recognize what it is you actually want.
An example of my own experiences which calls back to the * I wrote above. I'm not a perfectionist. I half ass stuff all the time, but when I'm interested in something, I can get really into the weeds. I overthink think it, try to fully understand it, do this, do that, but often while doing that I might get to a point where I run out of steam, or get frustrated, get distracted or whatever else and not finish it. So to make sure I finish this reply, I'm letting myself not say exactly what I mean, as long as I can get the general point across, and complete the task. Only recently I've recognized this is a pattern of mine. And I've recognized things I need to do to work through it, and I've also accepted its part of how my mind works. Maybe the best thing my counselor ever told me was "don't forget to give yourself grace".
So even if I'm misrepresenting what I'm trying to say, I'm giving myself grace because I do want to try and say something.
So give yourself grace. Not only did you recognize that you wanted to get something done, but you asked for help, and you got something done. Fuck ya.
So it's not like you cant do stuff, and you obviously have some recognition of your behavioral patterns: "(movie or game? if movie what genre? if game, single-player or multiplayer? maybe a book would be better? ah this is too hard better just doomscroll instead)." But do you also recognize what leads up to the times when you DO pick a game? When you do choose a movie? You did laundry, awesome, was there something before that helped? A thought, feeling, trigger?
For me it's always why? Why why why why why. Why did I chose to do X in the past instead of Y. Why did I want to play this game and not that one? What do you want from your leisure? Excitement? Challenge? For myself, I realized I really like stories, I like world building, I like adventure, I like characters. I don't particularly like detailed descriptions, which is why even though I like the things I mentioned, I never got into Tolkien, despite trying. Too much other stuff going on.
If you're able to figure out the why? Then next you figure out the how. How do I set myself up to encourage myself into doing it, and how do I discourage myself from doing not it. This is where you experiment with methods, ideas, tips, and tricks. But if you don't know what exactly your trying to address when you use a tip you're often just wasting your time.
Maybe a dumb metaphor:
Task: Drinking Tea Goal: Drink more Tea So you ask yourself, google, someone. "Hey I'd like to drink more tea but its a pain in the ass, any tips?" Answer: "Oh you should use an electric kettle, makes it way easier" An electric kettle is a correct answer to the question, but it assumes you know how to make tea, it assumes you know what an electric kettle is, it assumes you don't already have one or a similarly convenient water heating device, and it also assumes that the time it takes to boil water, is your specific issue. Maybe for some reason you have a boiling water tap, but only receive tea once a year as a present from you relative. If you dont properly recognize that it's your tea supply thats the issue, not the speed in which you can boil water, then not only will that given solution not work, you wont know why, and you'll have no clue why. It worked for this person, why not me?
Lol maybe a stupid metaphor but maybe not.
I could go on and on and I'm happy to talk about more things, get into particulars on my experiences and/or approaches with X ,Y, or Z, or my 2 cents on yours, but writing more is useless if I never finish, it's actually not helpful or you don't care lol.
Nice, that's one of my go tos. To me, music is movement, so when there's music, I'm almost always doing something. Whether that's playing music, dancing, working, cooking, driving, exercise etc. So when I'm dragging ass, I'll throw on some music and it gets me up (sooner or later lol). I know that works for me, so I use it.
To take it a further maybe ask yourself how you can remove as many steps possible from morning you, and getting started. You like Coffee, are there ways to help you drink it sooner/easier? Some people will make cold brew the night before, some will put their machine on a timer so its starts brewing at a specific time in the morning. You like journaling. Can you put your set up your journal so you can just grab it from bed? If you journal but then go back to doomscrolling can you set it up somewhere close enough that "morning you" finds it convenient enough to do, but it's enough of a change so you're not tempted to go back to bed/scrolling?
Stuff like that. And think about facilitation in both positive and negative. What can you do to make it easier, and what can you not do to make it easier, or what can you do to make it harder to the other thing(s) you might do instead.
For example: You like snacking, especially cookies, but you want to eat healthier snacks Be Realistic: Kale chips are healthier than apples(idk if thats true), but you hate kale chips. But you do like apples, so don't buy kale chips, buy apples. Positive Facilitation: You like them sliced, so you slice up a bunch at a time so you can just grab them when you want a bite. Negative Facilitation: Don't buy cookies! Or if you have to because habits, buy as little as you can so you dont just go drive back to the store and buy a big box to binge. Maybe put them somewhere weird so its a pain in the ass to get to. It's not like you can't have cookies, you're just making sure when you do eat cookies its because you want to, not because its easy.
Those ideas/strategies that can help, but they won't work if you don't know how you actually think/act. If you still want healthier snacks you can always move to kale chips later once you consistently eat apples instead of cookies.