this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2023
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askchapo
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sure mate, nobody depressed or anxious or poor has ever found a way to spend their time that helped them grow as a person or have an interesting life story
They do once their depression gets better though? Anhedonia, loss of interest/libido/attention/whatever the fuck else are symptoms of depression. I'm all for self-improvement, my own mental health improved greatly as a result of trying to improve myself, to the point I consider myself no longer depressed. But we're social creatures and no one builds self-confidence and mental resilience in a vacuum. It's often up to the depressed person to put themselves out in situations where this can happen, but sometimes it does not work out for whatever reason and the whole thing is a long process. In this situation self-compassion is a lot better than telling yourself you're a sack of shit.
Also, isn't the interesting life thing all backwards? If you like a person you get curious and find them interesting. If I like a guy I'll find what they are into cool, be it singing, playing chess or knowing a lot about bugs.
No one is owed that kind of attention, but most people are worthy of compassion.
Not necessarily a strict rule. I don’t care for sports and never will no matter how much I love a person. But if they play sports, then I would definitely care about them succeeding and their goals and struggles even if it means I research their sport. But ultimately, I still won’t care about the sport - I care about the other person’s goals and outcomes.
The contrast would be guys who belittle or look down on their girlfriends for being interested in makeup. They may not care about it, but they can at least show appreciation for the effort and do some basic research to understand the allure and challenges.
And even then, OP still has a point. Whether you’re interested in a person’s hobbies because you like them or you like them because their hobbies are interesting, you still need to be interesting. This doesn’t mean you need to go rock climbing in Asia or be awarded for a bunch of things. You can read books all day and provide analysis or comparisons or be knowledgeable in many areas. You definitely won’t attract many people if all you do is play games and stay in your room.
Yeah, kinda. But the framing is all fucked. Someone that can't improve themselves because of depression don't need "tough love" or to hear they are disinteresting and on their own, they need to see the inate value in themselves. Everyone IS interesting, they just have to nurture that and demonstrate it to others.
kinda crazy to see the tOuGh LoVe™ enthusiasts on hexbear