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What would you say the reason is for those guys who cant get a date for the life of them? (hexbear.net)

submitted 10 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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[–] [email protected] 30 points 10 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

the joke answer is "go touch grass" but let's be honest it's not always because they're incel types (though my guess is that's usually it)

assorted thoughts:

most people have at least mild mental health problems and that often makes it hard to connect with people in a healthy way. i fall directly and pathetically into this category myself
fuckin capitalism profits from isolating people and dissolving community infrastructure that traditionally facilitated dating
it's way easier to think about how hard it is to interact with potential dates and all the things that could go wrong, than it is to think about all the times you've successfully interacted with humans (with dating intentions or otherwise) and it turned out fine or even fantastic. even worse, we're wired to remember negative experiences with more detail. all my horrible awkward attempts at flirting are chiseled in fuckin marble in my memory, while the times i was normal AND lucky enough for it to be reciprocated, i barely remember in comparison. :[

[–] [email protected] 18 points 10 months ago (3 children)

t's way easier to think about how hard it is to interact with potential dates and all the things that could go wrong, then it is to think about all the times you've successfully interacted with humans (with dating intentions or otherwise) and it turned out fine or even fantastic.

one reason it's so much easier is the frequency.

and "fine" isn't good enough when you're looking for something deeper than the perfunctory "hey how you doing?" that our shitass society decided to make a greeting despite the fact that nobody who ever said that wants to hear the real answer.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 10 months ago (1 children)

nobody who ever said that wants to hear the real answer.

I-was-saying

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

cw: depression, self-harm thoughts.

was watching the philosphy tube live thing where she does the self-review and somebody asked "what would you tell you from five years ago?"

to which i immediately thought for myself:

it doesn't get better, it's not worth it. [redacted]

[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago (1 children)

meow-hug I still believe it can get better but I don't know

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

previously i had major life changes to look forward to that came with changes to social and material conditions for no additional effort, but once you're out of school and therapy and medication fails over and over again, there's nowhere left to find hope.

amerikkka it's probably not precisely true but i feel like care providers actually giving a shit is gatekept behind an attempt and i suffer enough without rolling the dice on making things much, much worse. sartre btfo.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

true that. I'm into the double digits now for number of psych medications I've tried

everything sucks and I'm miserable and so is everyone else and I wish I had the energy to do fuckin anything besides work, sleep, and occasionally shitpost as a semblance of social interaction

no platitudes from me dawg, life is ass 🫡

edit: your username is kickass btw.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago (2 children)

i've started using "hey there" and "heyo" specifically to avoid the wasted syllables of "howareyoufinethankshowboutyou"

at least "sup" works w/ close friends who know to just reply "sup" also :]

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

yeah those are better. honorable mention to "what's good" for the more honest sentiment

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

So is "sup" not a literal what's-up then? Invariably I reply with what I am doing, because wtf else could 'what's up' mean, and invariably I am doing something specific (special interest-y) that seems to kill conversations lmao

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

and "fine" isn't good enough when you're looking for something deeper than the perfunctory "hey how you doing?" that our shitass society decided to make a greeting despite the fact that nobody who ever said that wants to hear the real answer.

fucking right!