Most people never achieve this though. A good example is the charity test. You do something good and kind to help someone, even something small like make them a cup of tea, but they hate it and pour it down the sink.

• If you feel angry that they "wasted your kindness and effort" or disrespected you, you still depend on their reaction on some level.
• If you are still satisfied and happy, that's freedom. The whole act of kindness was the giving of the tea with good intentions, even if they disliked it. You take the feedback for next time so they enjoy it more.
• If you keep making multiple tea for them until they like it, with no joy in your heart, you're a slave, and the other person controls you.

I get what you’re saying, but external validation is how most primates ensure they’re being good members and stewards of their communities. This is important social behavior. It shouldn’t supersede one’s own values though.

I feel this completely BUT I just wanted to add that there is a component of delusion that can get ignored when you don't respond to any external feedback. Just because I think something about myself, doesn't make it true. And it doesn't make it true every single time. I'm a doctor, and I care about my patients and I try to go out of my way to make sure they get the things they need. But at the same time, I'm not perfect and I definitely have days when I'm only capable of the bare minimum. If someone catches me on those days, they might call me lazy. I'm not lazy, but for that person on that day, maybe I was. I just have to accept that is what someone's experience of me is, and try to do better as much as I am capable.

Steering your own ship is a huge part of adulthood.

I'd say we all enjoy recognition from others, when it happens. But having different internal motivations, rather than seeking recognition, is what makes a fully actualised person.

Remove ads from your life, no more keeping up with the Joneses, less vicarious living through series and franchises, and more hands on experiences, can help with growth and having 'substance'.

I guess that's kind of what I was trying to press with the example I was giving.

I don't need external validation, because I've never had it.. it's like you can live your whole life without adding spices to your food and you could just know what tastes good.