You're going to be constipated

We always vote for a slow death instead of a fast one.

As a Midwestern suburbanite, this is my natural habitat.

Tell them I hate them

How did you nail this so hard?

TIL that I'm a programmer

You need to give me a reason why you need to speak with me. There's very few people I actually want to talk to.

This is going to be me in the near future

That's funny, it annoys me when people praise me when I feel like I don't deserve it. Actions speak louder than words.

It's incredible the shit these guys do

Where is Luigi when you need him?