What are some lesser known developmental milestones no one really ever talks about? (programming.dev)

submitted 12 hours ago by danhab99@programming.dev to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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I'm not really in a good place right now or I guess I haven't been for a few years.

I've just been reflecting today on all the things that I haven't been doing and wondering if some specific things would have happened in my past to me maybe I would have been able to do things differently.. like I'm reflecting on my friends and how they develop their sense of self-worth and identity I'm just realizing so many things just didn't really ever happen to me and I'm just wondering what those things could possibly have been.

Like for example I have absolutely no doubt that I'm a great programmer and I deserve all of the things I have in my life because of it. I've work hard and created cool things and gotten jobs and been promoted so I have absolutely no doubt in my professional abilities.

And like I know I'm attractive cuz I'm tall and young and I look good and I take care of myself.. but no one's ever told me that.. like in the way that my friends have been told. Like in the way that would cause a friend to come up to me and ask for emotional advice about their relationship and they tell me their partner finds them attractive but they don't think they're attractive, I've never gotten to that.

That's the kind of I guess niche developmental milestones or mile-pebbles that are healthy to go through that I'm asking about.

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[-] danhab99@programming.dev 2 points 10 hours ago

I guess that's kind of what I was trying to press with the example I was giving.

I don't need external validation, because I've never had it.. it's like you can live your whole life without adding spices to your food and you could just know what tastes good.

[-] MonkeMischief@lemmy.today 1 points 1 hour ago

I really sometimes wish I had a bit more space to figure myself out and develop a strong identity like that. I was raised in a pretty strict but loving situation where I was constantly trying to gain my parents' approval.

Maybe to prove I didn't need so much correction and lecturing all the time.

Many of my friends developed better skills and aptitudes maybe because they didn't constantly feel the conflict of needing that approval. I wish I could've been single-mindedly obsessed with making art and games back then instead of ruminating on cognitive dissonance.

ADHD didn't help: along with all the learning struggles, you get real sensitive to rejection and try to avoid it at all costs.

[-] HoneyMustardGas@lemmy.world 1 points 6 hours ago

I agree

this post was submitted on 12 Jul 2026

21 points (95.7% liked)

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