I think identity politics is a bit of a separate conversation. Even the term itself is a bit broad and difficult to ascribe to one thing or another. Do I think some people make one thing or another their entire personality? Oh 100%. And it’s something that’s beyond just politics as well.

Like you said though there are plenty of people that are probably nuts, who only hold onto a label to be part of some ‘counter culture’ group or another. People who don’t really have strong moral convictions aside from wanting to have an audience and would leave their current position in a heartbeat if the spotlight was pulled from them.

I don't know what the right choice is, but it's pretty easy to see what the wrong choice is. If you hate other people simply for something they can't change, it's the wrong choice. The manosphere hates women, full stop. That's unacceptable. The catholic church hates gay people, full stop. That's also unacceptable. The current pope is making some changes that might redeem it, but for now it's objectively a bad choice.

What's the right choice for a group to join? Is there even a right choice? Who knows, but if your group tries to tell you to hate someone for something other than a choice they decided to make, it's a sign you should leave that group. The only thing you can judge people on are the actions and decisions they specifically made.