I cannot believe my morning erections are being judged by trash girlfriend.

If we could simply choose when we got erections, high school would have been much less awkward

Use the force

Proceeds to pee like the guy in Upload

If it's pointing up, how the fuck you hit the bowl standing up?

No they just sling it round their neck for that.

Analyze the form factor of toilet. Is it one of those round ones that's sized for potty-training a child? Emergencies only. The bowl deep enough and water low enough? Push dick down with one hand, hope Poseidon doesn't kiss your willy. Stand up far to wipe, don't sit down too fast. Try not to piss under the seat.

Prefer to avoid public restrooms for shits, stand up to pee.

scoot back

Wait, are you dragging your schlong against the inside of the toilet so it gets in contact with the water that runs down it?