My girlfriend is really close with her siblings and every second week of the month she always has all of them over to have dinner at our apartment so they can get together. It’s a large group of 5 other siblings so it gets loud but it’s all fun and they’re very nice people and we all get along. Her brother is really cool and builds computers for fun and I think that takes a level of knowledge that I don’t really posses so I’m like very happy for people who do things like that and I do see building computer is a hobby because it takes skill determination and a lot of time to do and there’s a healthy component behind I think. I think I see it as a puzzle.
He got upset at me though when we were talking about some computer parts, he was saying how one computer part is running very hot that it burns the cables and breaks the computer and even though this happens he says it’s rare and he still wants one. I asked him how that happens and he said it’s usually because the parts are put under a lot of pressure when they’re being used and sometimes they get really hot and they break and he said it’s usually because of a video game. I laughed a bit and said something like “breaking a computer over an video game lol” but I don’t think he got it and he said “well that’s the whole point of the parts to play video games.”
I laughed a bit but he wasn’t laughing and looked like a said something rude. I apologized for not knowing about the computers and he said it was okay. I told him that I only play Mario kart every now and then and that it’s my favorite game because me and my gf play it every now and then and that’s when he said “that’s a good hobby for you both” and I got confused and said “it’s not a hobby just a bit of fun.” He said hobbies are supposed to be fun and that’s why games are hobbies because they take a lot of time and energy. I frankly disagree with this so I told him “people put time and effort in work but work isn’t a hobby” and he got mad again and said “you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I think I upset him over the computer parts so I tried to make it up to him by saying “I think building computers is a hobby and that takes time and effort” but then he said “don’t patronize me I know what you’re doing” so things got really sour. He left the dinner table and went to watch tv.
After driving him home my sister told me that he spent a lot of money like thousands on online card games and that it was a sensitive topic for him. I didn’t mean to offend I really like him but now I feel like he probably thinks I’m some condescending person. Is there any way I can make it up to him?
But if it’s a financial burden and doesn’t bring him happiness I consider that more of an addiction rather than a hobby
thats not a thing you get to decide for other people
I care about him though. I don’t want to fight this, I know it’s not my decision but I think there’s other things he’s happier doing like building the computers he is very happy doing this, but I just see it as a waste if he’s spending thousands of dollars on the video games that brings him no happiness, it’s more of an addiction. I think he could invest that money into buying the parts he wants instead of of game because at least then he be happier building the computers that he can afford rather than building a computer only to get angry because of addiction to the game which is unhealthy
you need lessons on minding your own business. the happiness he derives from his activities is his to judge, not yours. whether you see it as a waste or not is irrelevant.
if you insist on it being relevant, then you are the problem here.
I just want him to be less angry about video games. It’s a shame he is in his element talking about computer and computer parts and building computers is what he loves to do… it’s just a waste that a lot of his negative energy goes toward the game itself. Just seems all rather disappointing. I’m not trying to fight I just want the best for him
Is it the video games that are making him angry? Based on your post, it sounds like you demeaning his hobby was what made him upset. Then again, this post is all I have to go off of.
I do think I was wrong saying what I did but now I learn more about his gaming habit and how it affects his life and his family I think there’s more to this than we know. I just want t what’s best for him
Wait, does this translate to your action was wrong but you found justification for your intentions afterwards?
meh. your good intentions dont cover for your ignorance or apparent inability to 'read the room'.
some peoples favorite hobbies are frustrating money sinks. that doesnt mean anyone has the right to tell them that its not worthwhile to them.
you just need to learn to stfu
I don’t think you have to be so rude… what the heck?
well, same to you on behalf of your gf's brother then. lmao
So… you’re okay with him spending thousands of dollars to build computers…. But not okay with him using those computers to play games? Because… why?
Because he yells while playing games? Like people don’t yell while playing sports? It sounds like you’re just judgemental against video games and he has a right to be mad at you for it. Let people enjoy what they enjoy. Not everyone is you or has to have your hobbies and ideals.
I don’t have any problem with him playing video games on the computer but if those games are money sponges than I’d rather he not put so much energy into them. Like I said I play games every now and then and games are fun, but if they’re costing you your happiness then it’s clear that it has a likeness to that of an addiction
I mean… is it costing him his happiness? People spend thousands on things they like. Sounds like he enjoys it? I mean if he is like starving or missing rent or selling his kidneys for it then yeah it’s a problem but otherwise… let him enjoy it?
People spend thousands on a single deck of real cards to play magic the gathering, so it’s not that crazy to also do online. People spend thousands on most hobbies.
Getting angry and scaring his family members over a video game isn’t a healthy hobby
Did not see that anywhere. Maybe you’re just bad at framing things at all. Seemed more like you told a kid videos games aren’t a hobby and he should stop because it’s stupid. Your post just said he spends thousands on gaming which… is pretty normal for a hobby.
If he is being violent enough to scare people he is living with over it then yeah, he likely has a problem. But that’s not cuz video games are bad or whatever, he likely needs therapy.
how do you know it doesn't bring him happiness?
your sister told you that he spent a ton of money on online card games. but he's clearly not playing only online card games if he's overheating computer parts. so he could have an addiction to card games, but that doesn't mean all of his gaming hobby is a financial burden that doesn't bring him happiness.
also i feel like you're jumping to fast conclusions about him through second hand information and one interaction where you were kinda being a dismissive dick over something he likes
I asked her which game and she said it’s called heart stone and he spent a few thousand on the game. He still lives with mom and she says that he stomps and yelps a lot. I don’t think this is healthy.
I am happy that he knows a lot about computers I respect him for that but spending so much on gambling games is addicting I don’t think I’m wrong here. I care about him
oh okay, yea i'd probably agree with that, but i doubt that that's the entire hobby, so i wouldn't be dismissive of the whole thing. would prob be more productive to pick at the heartstone addiction specifically
yike, yea def not healthy. actually reminds me a lot of my abusive ex, that kinda addiction where you get really mad at competitive p2w games is really not great
I’m very happy that he knows how to build computers like proud of him but playing games and getting angry and spending soooo much money is bad!
for sure, it's good you're looking out for him, sorry if i sounded dismissive at first
I didn’t get that dismissive vibe from your comment so don’t worry
Hearthstone is pay2win af, but I wouldn't call it gambling just like I wouldn't call dumping a shitton of money on Warhammer 40k figures or Magic the Gathering cards gambling.
What is hearthstone?
An electronic trading card game (TCG) by a terrible game developer riding on decades-long nostalgia because they made a couple of good games more than two decades ago. TCGs like Hearthstone and Magic the Gathering were the blueprint for much of what plagues modern gaming. Lootboxes and gacha games wouldn't exist if it weren't for MtG.
And they're pretty much gambling because the way TCGs work is you have to build a deck of cards, but the cards themselves are only available in booster packs and not all set of cards within those booster packs are created equal. If you're lucky, your booster pack will have OP cards, but if you're not lucky, your booster pack is filled with complete trash and completely worthless. Lootboxes are just those booster packs applied to gaming and gacha games are an entire genre of gaming build around opening booster packs and the highs from getting what you want/the lows from getting worthless garbage.
An free to play online collectible card game by Blizzard. I've only ever dabbled in it years ago, but it does the usual free to play thing where it's technically possible to build a good deck through just playing the game normally but practically impossible to make something cool without dropping money. They also do the thing where certain old cards not admissible in certain game modes after some time, encouraging users to keep buying new cards from new expansions.
Ohhhhh I thought it was a gambling game because I just think all “card” based games involved gambling. More you know! So I guess I’m happier knowing it’s not gambling but how does someone spend so much money on this if it’s not gambling
It's not gambling in the usual sense since, as stated earlier, it is possible to play free to play games for little to no money. However, it's common for unscrupulous game publishers to design their games in such a way as to make normal progress slow to the point that some users will want to skip the grind by just coughing up the cash. It sounds like your girlfriend's brother is what people call a "whale", a user who dumps ludicrous sums of money into skipping the grind in a f2p game.
Since we live in capitalist hellworld and game publishers need to turn a profit, and since the player doesn't need to spend money to start playing the game, they need to get money from somewhere. Making games with dark patterns to entice players to spend money they otherwise wouldn't to improve their experience is how they go about this. Most players of these kind of games spend little to nothing to play them, but it only takes a small part of the playerbase spending large amounts of money to keep these games afloat. These players are the aforementioned whales.
Wow that’s so sad… 🤯😰
It's still pretty much gambling. Like buying shitloads of booster packs for a tabletop trading card game I'd and the game is designed so it's pretty much the only way to do well. It's gambling with groucho Marx glasses and a trenchcoat
It is gambling in the sense that opening any trading card game pack is a gamble. You spend money on the pack of digital cards and are unsure of what you just purchased inside. Might be something rare and powerful, might be garbage you already have multiple duplicates of. Like Pokemon or YuGiOh cards if those are relevant references.
I get that, but the word "addiction" is really specific and implies a chemical dependency in the brain. Lots of research has been done on this, and admittedly there were some that tried to make the case that gaming can be addictive, but it's not been reproducible and most scholars today don't believe that. In fact, a lot of contradictory evidence points to the fact that it's not.
Cite your sources
I don’t agree with this with all due respect
oh yeah, you have evidence to the contrary? site your source. feelings need not apply.
My evidence is he’s living in his moms house spending his allowance on a game and yelping and stomping…
right, i forgot youre the worlds social police making sure everyone is acting as you think they should.
sorry, carry on judging everyone!
No I care about my girlfriend’s brother. I don’t want to see him hurt over video games. I’m sorry you don’t see it the way I do but you’re probably addicted yourself so that’s why you’re insistent on arguing with me
hahahaha.. hilarious. as if to prove my point!
if that guy is smart he ghosts you.. it sounds like youre not going to just let it go, and ignorance like that doesnt deserve an audience.
Shut up nerd
Agree to disagree
How do you know this?
If stomping and yelling brings him happiness then I’ll leave it… but I don’t think it’s like this
Stomping and yelling is 95% of what we do on Hexbear and it brings us so much happiness.
Right, saw you mention that after I commented - for sure that's unhealthy. I used to have a bit of this as a kid (throwing controllers, tantrums) despite not even playing competitive games. I brushed it off as just "getting into it/getting immersed", but really it was holding me back from enjoying gaming - that level of vitriol isn't how anyone acts when they're having fun. So I agree, you're right to be concerned there.
What I will say, though, is that he might act like that when playing Hearthstone - a competitive game that you say he has sunk thousands of dollars into. There might be other games he plays that actually bring him joy. If he builds overheating gamer PCs, he definitely plays other stuff too. I doubt he got into that hobby/leisure activity to play a shitty pay-to-win TCG. So maybe focusing on his issue with Hearthstone, rather than the much more broad and nebulous term "gaming" would be a better way to reach him.
That's not what an addiction is.
Agree with disagree
who is being financially burdened?
As far as we know, it's the gamer. Tho maybe his parents if thry pay for it?