this post was submitted on 27 Apr 2025
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I made a dating website once where the only possible matches were me or a bagel. People preferred the bagel.
What were you thinking?! You need to give them the illusion of choice not actual choice! Next time make it either you or you dressed up like a bagel. We must learn from our mistakes.
Actually, this rudimentary “matchmaker” site worked by having people select their gender, the gender(s) they want their partner to be, their age range, and the age range they want their partner to be in. I then made myself the match for each person in the cross-section of people who met my criteria and people whose criteria I met*, and everybody else was more happily matched with the bagel. Everyone knew it was in jest overall.
*footnote: In order to the favor the bagel, if someone selected multiple gender options for them to match with, the website selected the bagel for the match even if one of those genders were my own. The bagel had also previously been established as non-binary (they/them/theirs), for the record.
THEY'RE TURNING THE BAGELS GAY!
It's not considered morally questionable to slather the bagel in schmear and deepthroat it like the town bike would, I'd guess that's gonna fuck with your statistics there
I see you, bagel slut ;)