Hier mein menschlicher Versuch ohne die KI-Variante gelesen zu haben:

Selbstgemachte Meme-Werbegrafik für "Gurkolade": Das Bild zeigt eine transparente Wasserflasche mit Gesicht in der mehrere Gurkenscheiben schwimmen. Der Werbespruch oben lautet: "Gurkolade - nicht nur so da". Eine Sprechblase aus der Flasche kommend sagt "Trinksalat". Daneben befinden sich Label mit Aufschriften "95% reines Wasser" sowie "5% reine Gurke". Im Kleingedruckten steht unten: "kaum steuern agrarsubventioniert".

Ein paar Sachen habe ich bewusst ausgelassen - Die genauen Farben der Flasche, des Hintergrunds usw. finde ich bspw. ein wenig irrelevant für den Witz.

Nur für die Haare!

Why would you use his first name as unit name...? I don't recall any unit named after a person's first name.

Canada is in America, depending on your definition of continents.

Check out what other languages call this article: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Americas

Nearly all other languages refer to the two landmasses as "America", not "Americas". North America is the northern part of America, South America is the southern part.

letter to Ireland's finance minister

I'm sure "Tax avoidance: The country" will do the most diligent of efforts.

Genau!

Und ohne Asylanten hätten wir alle Zahnarzttermine!

It very much does. Else there would be no need for the EU to create legislation allowing/mandating it.

Right now member states are not allowed to unilaterally mandate chat control I believe.

I bet you just memorized this answer from an "Introduction to teaching" lecture.

I'd say it's even simpler than that, it's just tribalism.

$person has criticized our gracious $monarch. They deserve to die!

$person speaks against $religion and is a heretic. They deserve to die!

$person made fun of $fascist_leader. They deserve to die!

$person goes against $party. They deserve to die!

Whoever is in power speaks absolute truth. Be it a fascist leader, a church, a communist party or a monarch. Opposing that truth is heresy/treason/counter-revolutionary/evil and should be severely punished.

Suicide notes aren't that ubiquitous, I recall reading (and Wikipedia confirms this) that less than half are accompanied by such a note.

I'd also suspect that a possible misinterpretation as murder generally isn't a very high priority for suicidal people. At least I haven't ever heard about this sentiment reported anywhere (though I am not involved in suicide research whatsoever and only citing memories from documentaries and similar).

As far as I'm aware there's studies confirming this, people are less likely to spend physical money.

Can't quite make an impulsive purchase on the internet when all you've got is cash.