A while ago, I was banned from a whatsapp group from a pro-Palestinian action group in my labour union. I was banned because of pocket typing, I accidentally uploaded a picture from my work back then, a bag of mail, to the chat. Maybe I also did something else I'm not aware of, but there's no way of knowing. After I was banned I tried to reach out to the moderator who banned me. I told him it was an accident but he never replied. A day later when I asked to get a reply back he still ghosted me. A couple of months later I asked again. Still no reply.

The action group seems to organise mostly on whatsapp. So I can't organise on the intersection of Palestine and union work anymore, an intersection I care about because of some bullshit ban which I never got a reason for.

I feel very angry about this every time the action group is mentioned because then I'm reminded of this shit. You can't take yourself seriously as an organisation if organisers can just ban you without clarifying why or without letting you explain yourself.

Música Cubana revolucionaria

A song by a Palestinian about how the west created the apartheid and genocide in Palestine. I cried after watching this. Check out the rest of his songs, they are really good.

I have quit learning hindi in the past, but had started learning it sometimes. But now I don't think I will ever try to learn it again. I don't think it's useful for me, even if I watch a moderate amount of Bollywood movies.

I also tried to learn Greenlandic once, but since it has so few speakers, it wouldn't be useful. It's a shame because I would love to speak a native American language but due to colonialism there's not one that I could learn that has enough speakers to be useful to me.

I'm currently debating myself for dropping German and Portuguese. Technically I'm still learning these languages but I haven't actually learned them in a long time, except for some flashcards. Since I already know three other Germanic languages, Dutch, English and Danish, I feel my level of German wouldn't drop that much if I decide to stop learning. And since I'm in Germany at least a couple times of the year, I have some natural practice moments.

Portuguese used to be very useful for me since I was in Portugal a lot, but now I don't think that Portugal interests me more than other romance countries. Brazil interests me more, so I've switched to Brazilian Portuguese, but I'm also learning Arabic and Chinese and a little Russian so it's hard to combine. And I get less exposure to Brazil and I still am more interested in the Middle East, former Soviet Union and China.

And what about you guys?

Like, giving independence to California and Cascadia for example. Because if you're a communist party and believe the US is a settler state, it's logical to strive to break up that state. But I'm not Statesian so I don't know in what way this is discussed in the parties.

This is scary

I want to join the Dutch communist party, the NCPN. I've had this idea for a while now but never made it definitive because of some doubts.

Currently I'm a part of a party called BIJ1, which is an anti-capitalist party with a large focus on intersectionality and antiracism. I still think the party does good work, so I don't think too negatively of them. But I still feel like there's not much potential in the party anymore. Because this party attracted people from every brand of leftism from social democrats to anarchists to some MLs there was not a clear vision of what type of socialist society they wanted to work towards.

I joined at a time when I wasn't an ML yet, so that vision wasn't clear for me either. Because of this lack of vision and personal differences fights broke out. This led to people being banned from the party, elected members leaving the party and keeping their seat as an independent or with a new party. This all eventually led to us losing our only seat in the house of representatives in the last election. I'm not sure what we can do to regain that trust. I still feel that we could climb back up and regain that trust but the only way to know is after the municipal elections, which are a year away.

I feel like that lack of vision makes them unsure of their strategy. We call ourselves a party for the streets, but I feel like we focus the most on electoralism. We don't work that much with unions, we don't organise strikes or protests. BIJ1 WILL be absorbed by the system if this continues. I heard calls for governing in coalitions with socdem parties when we're big enough We did succeed though, in stopping our racist house of representatives speaker from appearing at an anti-slavery remembrance. There needs to be more of a focus on class struggle in BIJ1, otherwise they'll lose the socialist views. And to be honest it is a problem since the beginning of the party.

Like I said there were social democrats who joined the party who liked the intersectionality but not the socialist views. Some joined thinking it was only an anti-racist party. Some of them were elected members, like the municipal coucil member who left the party for the christian zionist Christian Union. The electoral candidates aren't screened that well, with a very short list of questions that don't reveal too much about their ideology. There's also no background checks. We've had electoral candidates who are cops, who were transphobic. But it's hard to screen when you don't have good vision what you want your party to be. We don't school our members, like other organisations either. We don't have a book club or something like that.

I thought that maybe I could help change all this by steering the rest of the party towards Marxism-Leninism but you can't do much on your own. I'll have to be upfront about being an ML, which I haven't yet for some reason. I've come across some people who say very anticommunist things, including the story about the Trotskyist I shared a couple months ago and I feel like I could never be able to push back against that. I know that a lot of other MLs have left the party and have joined mostly NCPN. I feel like BIJ1 should work together more with parties like NCPN but it doesn't make BIJ1 suddenly communist. BIJ1 also never uses the word communist, only socialist. And even then they mostly opt for using the word anti-capitalist instead.

At this point it makes more sense to join a communist party. They know what they strive for, focus a lot on extraparliamentary work, vet their incoming members, and has a lively youth organisation, which I want to join. BIJ1 is pretty old now and their youth organisation is abandoned. With BIJ1 I sometimes feel left out because a lot of the time I'm one of the only young people. And I feel like I can't do much for the party and what I do isn't that useful.

Like I said, I've been thinking about this for a while now but a few things were holding me back. I firstly didn't want to join another party until I was fully out as a trans woman so I wouldn't deal with coming out again. But then I also didn't want to join until I was on hormones for at least a couple months, since I don't want to look like a man to them.

I still have some good connections from BIJ1 and I don't want to dissappoint them. Last meeting I felt really included and I'd love to keep working with them. And I don't know anybody from the communist party and my social anxiety makes me fear that I'll become lonely. I kinda feel like I have to connect to someone who's already a member before joining to stop this feeling. But I actually think that I could make more connections, also with people my age. But there's still a fear that I won't be admitted to NCPN so I would leave for nothing. But I could always join another organisation like RSP.

The only thing I have left to do is think about how I'm going to leave the party. Does anybody have some ideas how I should do that?

And if not, if Burkina Faso fully unites with them under AES, will it mean a loss for socialism?