Having six throwing stars and a shitload of buffs... as a potato

i built a fortress for dwarves to brew and prosper inside

Dispensing Freedom.

Id get a medal for defending democracy.

Having eleven kings in one poker hand.

Public inebriation, disturbing the peace

(Rock and Stone ⛏️⛏️⛏️⛏️⛏️)

Abandoning my post in defense of Super Earth. I am sorry, Democracy.

Democracy (it was helldivers)

Possession of psychite with intention to distribute

and like, at least 3 or 4 warcrimes, but whose counting

I didn't get arrested, because I suffer from a knee injury and my adventures have ended

Capturing and enslaving weird magic animals

Stealing villager's beds.

Rotting in a Shinra prison for bombing a Mako reactor. In my defense, the new explosion graphics were great.

Unauthorized orbital rocket launches.

Climbing a mountain but dying too much along the way. Like a little too much.

Loving Managed Democracy too hard

Falcon punching Pikachu.

Supporting democracy!

Tax Fraud.

Unlicensed space travel

Using obscene amounts of violence to protect freedom and democracy across the galaxy.

Failing to properly evacuate the city during a Tsunami because its easier just to clean up afterwards (Cities Skylines).

Driving a giant tractor with a trailer full of soybeans the wrong way around a roundabout to deliver the soybeans to the grocery store.

Genocide

Disregarding all Osha violations, colonizing a planet and killing all natural life.

damm I love factorio

Murdering tens of thousands of natives in North America to build plantations to make money to build factories in England.

I think this is the kind of violence history books often frame as the "unfortunate side of progress", so I guess it's okay ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

PC: Politely asking for and engaging in street fights with random strangers.

Mobile: Baking cookies

Web: Making paperclips

Forcing thousands of grandmother's into endless work. Destroying ecosystems. Ravaging planets. Ending light itself. Enslaving Gods. And eliminating every parallel world in existence. All to make cookies. More and more. On and on and on. Universes of cookies more numerous than atoms in the cosmos.

But I'm almost done.

Throwing a stick of dynamite into the middle of a kkk meeting outside of Rhodes. Sorry, not sorry.

Forcing a dragon to fuck a bear?

Elden Ring... soo.. lots of murder

Gambling fraud. I keep playing 5 of a kind Flush in Balanto and it keeps working!

I guess I'll be getting arrested for helping people build a village.

Been playing Dorfromantik so building quaint, idyllic villages with expansive forests and streams.

For yelling too loud.

Statement of an observing police officer:

They say ToxicWaste murdered that Salesman... with his voice! Shouted him apart!

Driving a Trabant through the desert. Occasionally shooting rabid bunnies.

Being too homosexual.

FFXIV

Being an ex yakuza

Rolling a ball that, through exponential growth, eventually starts to swallow up the likes of skyscrapers, clouds, Godzilla, and the planets of the galaxy.

Mass murdering animals.

Doing 95mp/h in a semi down the shoulder of a highway in Colorado.

War crimes.