750
As You Wish
(sh.itjust.works)
fuck you i didn't want to have read that
Fun fact, there is an acceptable level of bug parts allowed in food products. And the level is not zero.
Fuck man, bug parts are probably some of the healthiest things in your food.
The shit has micro plastics in it. Stuff that fucks up the kids you don't even have yet.
Bugs are no big deal. Except they also have micro plastics in them.
The worst is not the bug, it's where the the bug has been and what it has eaten...
Friend is an epidemiologist. Someone ran their coffee maker at their cabin after a while away. It tasted funny. Mostly because there was a BAT in it.
Did it taste like rabies?
Not sure about the taste, but they definitely got the IgG shots and therapeutic vaccine series. I'm not sure they had encountered someone that had ever had steamed bat carcass before.
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I actually do have a small amount of mealworm protein every month. I was just trying to fuck with that other guy.
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psychic damage inflicted
Well here is a half moth that I once got in a prepackaged salad I bought once
Prepackaged leafy greens are the worst offenders for quality control issues by far
I worked in a restaurant that purchased local produce. One day a guest sent back a salad because it had a butterfly in it. That bastard had submerged in water for 30 minutes, rinsed and run 3 through a salad spinner three times, then refrigerated for about 2 hours. Yet there it was, covered in dressing and still fucking alive.
Greens are kind of a mine field. Bugs love them and lots of them are specifically designed to hide and live within them. Let's not even get into e. Coli.
Sensitive to moisture, temperature, crushing, short shelf life, can’t really pasteurize, and most commonly eaten raw. Bugs can be gross but the most potent threat is bacteria!
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I lived with a buddy of mine who owned one of the first generation Keurig machines. We had problems with roaches cropping up here and there and we tried everything to get rid of them from diatomaceous earth to calling an exterminator but they always came back and we had no idea where they were coming from. We had assumed at some point that it was probably from an adjacent town home so we just dealt with them as they came and I didn't think much of them after that. Fast forward a year or so and I've moved out of the place. I get talking with my buddy about the old roach problem and he tells me that he found out where they were nesting when his Keurig machine stopped working and he attempted to open it up and they came pouring out of the machine. My buddy grabbed some roach spray we had stocked up on and drenched the machine in it to kill as many of the damn things as he could. He ended up throwing that machine away. I'm glad I switched to French press and moka pots forever ago.
I, a pour-over purist, moved in with my keurig-slut of a partner. There were cockroaches in the building but we managed them alright. Didn't see many.
Of course I was secretly pilfering his pods when he wasn't around. It was just so goddamn convenient.
I went to make a cup when I discovered two roaches in the water tank. It was my second coffee that morning.
I tried to clean it out to find the inside already populated with six generations of cockroaches.
I converted him to pour-over, because the machine was gone when he came home from work. I spared him that, at least.
this needs an entomology paper
edit: hmmm https://www.thecommonscafe.com/3-simple-steps-to-keep-roaches-out-of-your-keurig-coffee-maker/
Around 40% of commercial coffee makers are infested with roaches. Garbage, sewage, and waste from humans can all be fertilized by roaches, and their intestinal parasites can spread. Look for different factors to determine if your coffee maker is infiltrated by these insects. Because coffee grounds and roaches almost look like each other, it may be difficult to identify them in your coffee maker.
Home brew forever.
Glad I don't like coffee.
This text us written by AI and edited by drunk human.
Yeah even the quoted paragraph is barely coherent, each sentence is only tangentially related to the others. It's like someone googled "cockroach coffee" and pasted in a sentence from each of the first 4 results... which is honestly probably not far from the truth.
This article keeps contradicting itself. I suspect it was written by a LLM.
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la roche mocha
Je crois que tu veux dire cafard
Wow, I'm post-worthy. Who knew.
Congratulations on your living nightmare.
Not you, that's who. Hee hee.. Annie are you ok. I'm a bit sleep deprived so please excuse me.
thanks, Google
Coffee filtered through a dead cockroach is about to become the new 'Kopi luwak' (coffee from animal poop).
It's too disgusting now, but soon it'll be both too disgusting and too expensive.
I mean cockroack milk (made from their secretions) is a thing already, so.
I love learning new things!
This was not one of them.
What the fuck did I just read.
If I had an ounce of skill as an artist I'd draw the image evoked by your 13 words.
Tiny milking machines hooked up to billions of restrained cockroaches, extracting their milky secretions.
God damnit
ChatGPT was not happy with this request, but I got a few things
Pardon my language, but holy balls. I knew AI was powerful and self-driving cars and five-second essays and convincing deep fakes and yada yada, but this ..... This is shaking me to my core. The refinement in composition, the surrealist allure, the subtle variations of cockroach positioning ...
Gotdarn it's too good.
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Honestly there's probably ground up roaches and other bugs in the coffee anyway, no one complains about that.
But as soon as I jokingly put a cockroach in the coffee maker, all of a sudden it's a big deal 🙄
Maybe the keyword there is "jokingly"? Too many people these days can't take a joke.
Have you tried straight-up putting one in authentically - maybe they'd like it then? :-P
Pro-Tip: how about you don't try that? :-D
Voyager screencap note: can tap the three dots, share as image, add the parent comment, and get a nice clean shot. Helpful if there are lots of replies you want to hide in between.
🤯
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ಥ_ಥ
edit: that's enough lemmy for today I think
I would have LOVED not to read that
Oh dear god, that was not something I needed to read at 7 am.
When I was at school in sixth form there was a coffee vending machine in the rec room (basically only had a few chairs and a sofa plus the coffee vending machine and a microwave) an acquaintance (I hated the guy personally )of mine went and got a coffee from it and found a dead fly at the bottom of the cup. Put me off the vending machine completely and now I'm more cautious when using any machine.
What the fuck bro... 😵🤢🤮
I agree that roach blend coffee is also not my thing like most people here... However, I want you to search "thai roach food" and contemplate your life till now.
Beware of the images tab.
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this post was submitted on 08 Feb 2024
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