me_irl

As an adult, I can bake as many cakes as I want, and everybody will want to hang out with me even more than usual because of all the delicious cakes.

Relevant XKCD

When I was an early teenager I realized with an epiphany that I could take my paper route money, go to the grocery store, and buy my own cookies! It was a light bulb moment. No mom to tell me how many I could have. An entire box of cookies all to myself! So I did it, and I ate half a box of Oreo cookies, and drank 2 cherry Cokes. I got so sick that I threw up and had to go to bed several hours early. At that point I realized that my mom wasn't just being mean when she told me "no" and put limits on me, and I started listening to her more. Of course a couple of years later my real teenage years started, and I completely forgot that valuable lesson.

Ah, you see not everyone has a car.

One man can.

I was raised poor so even now that I can afford it, I feel something forbidding me from buying cake. That and knowing that I gain weight very easily and it takes me lots of hours to get raid of it.

Do this enough, and physics will stop you from getting in your car.

That's kind of my problem. I wish I could stop myself from buying ice cream.

If only bought cake were nearly as good as home made.

I remember realizing this at about 20, and that if I bought my own cake ingredients I could make cake for startlingly little money. The most expensive part was probably the ready made frosting.

Anyway I started making cakes for friends and neighbours in my apartment building after work. I didn't keep it up for very long, maybe a year, but I'm convinced my reputation is still riding high, decades later, from the goodwill I sowed during that time.

My car doesn't have a bakery in it 😔

You can, you absolutely can. The thing is now it's not just that cake at the bakery counter in the grocery store. You're going to commit to buying a 10,000 calorie pile of wonder. You need to make sure that you do a good job. You need to go find the best goddamn cake in your area. But then, that means you got to drive a little bit. And it's going to be expensive, and you already a couple of pounds heavier than you should be because you're out of time and dealing with the kids. Ah crap, the kids they're going to want some cake. I have to eat this in my car. Do you think the bakery has utensils? Damn now I'm going to have to go two places. Ahh screw it maybe the next time this is posted.

Can you order cake like you can order pizza? This calls for further investigation.

I discovered that in my mid-20s. I enjoyed eating a whole cake all by myself whenever the hell I wanted a few times and then the consequences begin to show and that's how we learn our lessons about things like that and then we eventually teach our kids the right way to do things and then they get bored with that and they turn around and rebel and then they learn their lessons in their 20s and the cycle continues.

I have literally done this while watching Matilda

Don't do it, it's a trick by big cake!!

Only if you have a car, otherwise you need to walk or take public transportation.

As an adult anyone can stop or hinder you from having a delicious cake

Whenever I want

Where can I buy a cake at 3am? That's when I want cake, but even as an adult with a car, I am unable to get cake. 😩

Well, that kind of cake. I can get a different kind on Grindr 24/7.

I live near a store that sells mini sheet cakes. I buy them whenever I'm in the mood.