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[–] 1 point 5 minutes ago*

good looking people look good no matter what they wear.

Like a hot guy with a trilby hat and a Naruto tshirt can still pull game. While a ugly neckbeard in an expensive suit would still have a difficult time getting a single date.

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  • [–] 14 points 3 hours ago

    Not going to lie. I would be SO attracted to that. I am so very into people that can be their genuine self without pretending to be what society expects.

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  • [–] 43 points 6 hours ago

    I use a wheelchair a lot. I used to be shy about it and try to come up with a way to have the first time someone saw me be on my feet.

    Now I'm the other way around, I want prospective lovers to see me in my chair first. Learned that if they can't get past that, it's not gonna work.

    I'm meeting much nicer people. And I'm actually doing better at meeting people at parties.

    Crazy how being comfortable with a mobility device is more appealing than leaning on a cane with a pained expression on your face. 😲

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  • [–] 6 points 4 hours ago

    Sounds like something Jess in The New Girl would do.

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  • [–] 64 points 7 hours ago (12 children)

    I swear some women are as clueless about men as men are about women. I'm sure huge amount of this is because schools insist that sexed is gender separated.

    Why is wearing glasses and pyjamas supposed to be a turn-off?

    You know when women go on about how they have to have a different dress for every party, it is literally only women the care. Men aren't going to even notice if you're wearing the same thing two dates in a row. The catty comments come from other women. As a man I don't have nice clothes, I just have clothes. If we're going on a date I'm just going to be wearing clothes, I don't have special items that I only wear on a date so I am really not going to mind if you don't either.

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  • [–] 13 points 4 hours ago (4 children)

    I had an ex at one time who would get mad that I didn't check out other women.

    Like, she would assume I was doing it, but then when she realized I wasn't it would turn into a fight about how I'm not and every guy does.

    When I'm in a relationship I really don't have eyes for anyone else. The need to find someone just kinda turns off.

    She would also get mad and start a fight whenever I said she looked good without makeup, because I was a liar.

    After that relationship, self confidence became a huge checkbox I reviewed before entering any possible relationship.

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  • [–] 16 points 4 hours ago (3 children)

    I hate makeup.... i have told my wife for over a decade that I dont care for it and it looks worse in my opinion. She has mostly stopped wearing it or will do a small amount for big parties and thats it. She tells me to this day she doesnt believe me though and all I can say is that's super sad.

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  • [–] 3 points 4 hours ago (1 child)

    It could be an “empowerment” issue.

    Dresses and fancy preparation are empowering. They show that this person manages their life well and is successful. That of course all sounds positive. Only problem is, to someone struggling with that issue, it can be intimidating.

    I struggle to find a good way to express this, but guys like myself since school have grappled with a perception that women “have more social power than them”. Even if the guy isn’t a total loser with a rented home that consists of a TV and a pillow, girls are viewed as a pedestal-standing respected social icon by comparison. That’s definitely not universally actually true, but under young hormones it seems that way.

    Hence why pajamas, glasses, or to extend further: VTuber streamers that joke about failing basic life skills, or not showering that week, are often a successful endeavor. They show someone more humanized, disempowered and flawed. Question is whether a woman is okay with accepting a bit of that debasement to put someone at ease.

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  • [–] 14 points 6 hours ago (2 children)

    Dude no shade. But also not all dudes are the same.

    For example, I care what a girl wears. I don't care if she wears it many times, but I care if she dresses nicely and works on looking nice. Also I have multiple suits, different clothes for sports, work, camping etc.

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  • [–] 1 point 2 hours ago

    Yeah but PJs are sexy. If she is comfortable wearing pyjamas around me that's great in my opinion. I'm unclear about how exactly this is supposed to be something I would be turned off by, and why that is therefore "a filter".

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  • [–] 10 points 5 hours ago

    I'm kind of in between you two… I find people attractive when they appear to be comfortable in their own skin. If that's in a hoodie and ripped jeans and combat boots, hell yeah. If she's a "girly girl" and you can tell she just really genuinely enjoys dolling up and having everything look on point, also hell yeah.

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    [–] -2 points 1 hour ago

    +1 for men that don't tolerate excessive makeup, fake tts, long nails, mile long eye lashes etc. nothing is more beautiful than natural woman.

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  • [–] 9 points 6 hours ago

    There's an awful lot of comments here about women not knowing what men find attractive, for it being a post literally about a woman weeding out men by finding what they think is attractive.

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  • [–] 131 points 11 hours ago* (17 children)

    Women don't know what men find attractive.

    Some men don't know what women look like without make-up, but plenty of men genuinely prefer women without make-up. They certainly don't care about fashion. Glasses are rarely a turn-off. Plenty like retainers/braces.

    It's not unlikely the college room-mate thought she was at her ugliest, when in reality she'd turned herself into catnip for her future husband.

    It's a bit like guys who think women will find them attractive if they become a roided out super monster, but in reality they'll only attract interest (sexual or otherwise) from other guys.

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  • [–] 109 points 10 hours ago (7 children)

    It’s also kinda hot when a woman lets you see her without being all done up. It’s like a secret privilege of trust.

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  • [–] 2 points 4 hours ago (4 children)

    I’ve felt the same way about women bending over.

    Obviously, peering at someone’s ass can lean towards creepy or voyeuristic. Any woman knows this - many changed over to squatting to pick things up even when alone. So, if she’s okay with a full bend, even if the guy barely even looks, it’s a separate “trust kink” - that she knows he’s there and doesn’t anticipate his mind objectifying her that way.

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  • [–] 1 point 49 minutes ago* (2 children)

    Oh my god, you think women bending at the waist is a deliberate invitation to look at their ass?

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  • [–] 1 point 41 minutes ago (1 child)

    That's not really what I meant; just that passed-down wisdom often leads women to caution each other it's a common (albeit undeserved) consequence.

    I wrote "Not anticipating his objectification" rather than "Not looking" because it's often difficult to specifically make sure someone is fully outside your field of vision the moment they reach for something on the ground.

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  • [–] 1 point 36 minutes ago

    Women should be able to pick things off the floor without having to think of how many different ways they can do so that isn't an open invitation for men to ogle their ass.

    Just because a woman bends at the waist instead of squatting doesn't mean she's inviting wandering eyes.

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    [–] 3 points 5 hours ago

    She sounds like a keeper tbh

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  • [–] 34 points 9 hours ago (13 children)

    We took it to the extreme. Our first date was a trip to another country with backpacks, a small tent, a bag of rice and one of those small gas stove. She cursed at me and the world on our first hiking trip, while sweating like a horse. She was in a terrible form and do not enjoy hiking trips.

    We had to shower in the lakes, and they were cold AF, so.. I did not present myself from my best side..

    We also nearly died. But, we've been together for 10+ years now.

    We stress tested the shit out of our relationship on that trip.

    After our near death experience, we settled somewhere nice, but during that night we were hit by an hurricane and my tent broke, forcing me to stay up all night, holding it together, while she slept. It was a special date.

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  • [–] 17 points 5 hours ago (2 children)

    You two sound like a couple of fuckin maniacs, thanks for taking each other off the market for the rest of us!

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  • [–] 1 point 25 minutes ago

    Holy shit maniacs. My wifes first time meeting my family we went to meet them at a state park campsite and the cabin didnt have room for us. We slept cuddled up freezing on two camp chairs facing each other. She was a trooper and we've been married 16 years tomorrow...

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  • [–] 5 points 5 hours ago (1 child)

    That sounds so memorable. I'd rather have that than any "perfect" date.

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  • [–] 4 points 5 hours ago*

    Thanks. It was a really awesome trip, and we just got really close really early on, and we just knew at point, that we liked each other a lot. And we have some really funny and great memories from 6 days in the "wilderness".

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  • [–] 43 points 9 hours ago (5 children)

    For a first date she willingly followed someone out of the country and into the wilderness‽ It sounds like it worked out well in the end but was she trying to end up as a missing person?

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  • [–] 17 points 8 hours ago (3 children)

    This is like Should I Marry a Murderer documentary

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