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[–] 149 points 17 hours ago* (17 children)

Women don't know what men find attractive.

Some men don't know what women look like without make-up, but plenty of men genuinely prefer women without make-up. They certainly don't care about fashion. Glasses are rarely a turn-off. Plenty like retainers/braces.

It's not unlikely the college room-mate thought she was at her ugliest, when in reality she'd turned herself into catnip for her future husband.

It's a bit like guys who think women will find them attractive if they become a roided out super monster, but in reality they'll only attract interest (sexual or otherwise) from other guys.

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  • [–] 121 points 17 hours ago (7 children)

    It’s also kinda hot when a woman lets you see her without being all done up. It’s like a secret privilege of trust.

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  • [–] 1 point 10 hours ago (4 children)

    I’ve felt the same way about women bending over.

    Obviously, peering at someone’s ass can lean towards creepy or voyeuristic. Any woman knows this - many changed over to squatting to pick things up even when alone. So, if she’s okay with a full bend, even if the guy barely even looks, it’s a separate “trust kink” - that she knows he’s there and doesn’t anticipate his mind objectifying her that way.

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  • [–] 3 points 7 hours ago* (2 children)

    Oh my god, you think women bending at the waist is a deliberate invitation to look at their ass?

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  • [–] 0 points 7 hours ago (1 child)

    That's not really what I meant; just that passed-down wisdom often leads women to caution each other it's a common (albeit undeserved) consequence.

    I wrote "Not anticipating his objectification" rather than "Not looking" because it's often difficult to specifically make sure someone is fully outside your field of vision the moment they reach for something on the ground.

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  • [–] 3 points 7 hours ago

    Women should be able to pick things off the floor without having to think of how many different ways they can do so that isn't an open invitation for men to ogle their ass.

    Just because a woman bends at the waist instead of squatting doesn't mean she's inviting wandering eyes.

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  • [–] 48 points 17 hours ago (2 children)

    i was sharing journal excerpts with a friend yesterday and found this relevant one:

    "The best advice I have regarding love and finding it is to stop trying so hard to be perfect. People don't want perfect, they want human. A lot of them just don't know it yet."

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  • [–] 7 points 15 hours ago* (1 child)

    Everyone's vision of Perfection is different, so you're really gambling there... I can say that while perfection might look nice on the outside, no one's truly perfect. I don't want to see the facade, I want to see the person underneath. The blemishes and faults and unpolished truth are WAY more attractive.

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  • [+] -14 points 14 hours ago (5 children)

    Men care about a specific silhouette range, and specific disqualifing facial features, and then sometimes horrible personalities, and that is the total sum. Each one of those things is somewhat negotiable if other aspects are superior as well. And the bar lowers depending on the last time they've finished, unless it's been too long, then the bar goes back to baseline. Nobody is that complicated.

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  • [–] 30 points 14 hours ago (3 children)

    This seems demeaning and reductionist to both men AND women, which I feel is like an achievement in itself. Well done.

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  • [+] -7 points 12 hours ago* (2 children)

    It is specifically reductionist and true almost always, so I don't consider that demeaning. Everyone wants to think they are more complex or considering but most innate decisions just aren't. People just are delusional and not introspective at all.

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  • [–] 6 points 9 hours ago

    It sounds like you have let your negative experiences taint your worldview.

    It's not uncommon. My wife was cheated on a bunch, so it's very hard for her to accept that I have no interest in other women.

    If you've experienced a bunch of rejection by men over your looks, it would also very hard to not assume that every man thinks this way.

    Both are mostly just confirmation bias, though.

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