One of my kids made a comment about how long my legs are. I replied that if they were any shorter they wouldn't reach the ground.

I'm not a dad but my dad used to have a couple (still does I just don't live with him anymore lol)

Whenever we'd be walking somewhere and I would ask where we're going he'd say "wherever our feet take us", frustrated the heck out of me as a child but he was always very amused by it.

And a also, if you were walking and tripped on something he'd ask "why are you walking like that?". We still do this one as a long-running joke in my family.

When I get to play Ken. My Ken is a weird, gross bum. He wears a tuxedo and barefeet. He constantly asks Barbie (any Barbie, or Skipper) to go out to "fancy dinner," then forgets his wallet. He tries to order snails and fish eggs, says they are fancy. He constantly eats the dog treats at the groomers when Barbie isn't looking. All of the Kelly's and Chelsea's are his children, and he just neglects them all. Doesn't remember their names. Asks them for money.

When I bring my son to bed, he always listens to this simple music thingy. It plays for about 2 minutes. When it stops, he always asks to play it agian and I always say no and press the button. He always laughs at that and tells me how stupid the joke is.

I sent this image to my boys with the caption: "The German word for when a gym bro passes gas and it smells like protein powder."

My modest contribution:

We own an electric fly swatter to take care of mosquitos in the house.

Whenever I take down a baddy, I’ll strike an overly dramatic pose, let the swatter spark and sizzle for a second, and then proclaim (in a deep voice):

“There can be only one…”

When we're out on a walk and are in the middle of some fields with nothing else around I'll say wistfully ' All this was fields when I was a lad.'

Also works when at the ocean for different reasons.

I like to unwind watching tv or listening to music at the end of the day… where I sit, my back is towards the kitchen, so when I hear anyone coming I yell out like an old man just woken up "who goes there? reveal yourself"

They usually all laugh and play along by replying "it is I" followed by some funny title like "Seeker of Snacks"

I randomly will just start walking as strangely as I can. Lifting my knees really high, shuffling side to side, you know the typical goofy stuff. Then when my daughter inevitably asks what I'm doing, I just proclaim this is how I walk now. Guaranteed eye rolls from her and my wife.

Anytime I get my kids a snack or a bowl of cereal to cap off the night, I almost certainly take the dad tax (which in and of itself is a joke), but generally tell them that I checked and it was not poison.

I also hide and scare everyone in my family, but that one is just for me. Sometimes I say boo without hiding, and that's for them.

My existence