Do women know of a man has feelings for them? (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 11 hours ago by solidheron@sh.itjust.works to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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So I got feeling for a woman that I share a hobby with and I run into her fairly regularly, she also surprises and impresses me.

She probably knows I have feelings because I said I care about her over text (out of legitimate concern). Now I'm catching myself laughing at the things she says and I actually asked her to calm down because I was laughing at her and another person going at it while im high on an edible in the courthouse.

Like I haven't pursue a relationship. She has a boyfriend and I'm learning healthy relationships (I used to be more antisocial).

I do feel like I come off as a friend,but I feel like women know mens feelings

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[-] Cherry@piefed.social 7 points 8 hours ago

Even if she does know your feelings, that does not make it that she wants or will reciprocate.

You have been provided some great answers here and reply by jumping to a narrative othat fits what you want Your language is not really about her TBH, its all about you, which is fair its your head, but if you really liked her, you would consider her wants, and likely understand that you may get hurt in the long run by perusing someone who has not responded and is in a relationship.

[-] solidheron@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 hour ago

Great unanswered question, something I already new, and now I'm getting debate lorded.

Dude the question is if she knows I have feelings from my actions. I think I even said I'm not pursuing a relationship. It's really live a female friend I have feelings for.

[-] LORDSMEGMA@sh.itjust.works 20 points 10 hours ago

high on an edible in the courthouse

Okay what?

[-] Cocodapuf@lemmy.world 2 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago)

I kinda can't believe you cut off the quote there, because that whole sentence is wild. I'm just going to expand the scope a little bit...

I was laughing at her and another person going at it while im high on an edible in the courthouse.

By "going at it", what are we saying here?

I'm just trying to make this image in my head make sense, two people are going at it in a courthouse, this guy is high on edibles while watching it, and laughing uncontrollably.

[-] LORDSMEGMA@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 hours ago

I was more fixated on being high in a courthouse because that sounds absolutely awful

[-] roofuskit@lemmy.world 1 points 2 hours ago

Sounds to me like it's a group chat and OP was for some reason high in a courthouse laughing at two people arguing, or play arguing, in said group chat.

[-] naught101@lemmy.world 5 points 10 hours ago

I'm also curious. About the preceding bit too.

[-] solidheron@sh.itjust.works 3 points 10 hours ago

I wasn't on trial. I was showing solidarity for the survivors of Rodger fortson

[-] victorz@lemmy.world 8 points 7 hours ago

Dude, is that fucking better?

[-] solidheron@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 hours ago

Yeah, when you're in the pews at the courthouse your not under any pressure

[-] LORDSMEGMA@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 hours ago

Yea that still sounds like a truly awful place to be baked

[-] victorz@lemmy.world 1 points 12 minutes ago

That username though... Bruh.

[-] solidheron@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 hour ago

Ha, I can understand, I don't get anxiety like I used to on weed, but I can see it with all the bailiffs and having to go through the metal detector. Oh and you can have a judge testify against you if you're caught 🤣 that's high profile.

I had a mission in mind sit behind the family, look nice and well kept, look focused, find Small details that can suggest regret or going to trial.

Most important mission, thank the stenographer for their service.

[-] thisbenzingring@lemmy.today 14 points 11 hours ago

It's ok to have feelings and be attracted. But if they are in a relationship it's better to accept it. You can crush and enjoy your time together as friends. You never know what it could lead to. You might learn valuable things from a relationship that you don't see coming with someone else's who is watching. It's always best to be honest and accept what is not in your cards

[-] solidheron@sh.itjust.works 1 points 11 hours ago

I'm sitting here wondering if she's polyamorous. I could ask but there's no way to bring that up.

[-] yakko@feddit.uk 6 points 8 hours ago

Shake one out real quick, clear your head, and think for a minute; if she was poly AND knows you have feelings for her, would she treat you as just a friend?

A healthy poly couple would be communicating with you openly, individually and as a group. You'd be having a lot of conversations by now.

[-] stoy@lemmy.zip 15 points 10 hours ago

I'm sitting here wondering if she's polyamorous.

Stop wondering, that is a hell of an assumption to even consider, and if you keep that thought active in your head, you risk making a decision that not only blows up in your face but also creating a huge mess that affects many around you.

[-] solidheron@sh.itjust.works 0 points 10 hours ago

Is speculation an assumption? You make it sound bad that I'm guessing something based on related comments in the past.

Am I just not supposed to think of her as polyamorous?

[-] stoy@lemmy.zip 22 points 10 hours ago

Am I just not supposed to think of her as polyamorous?

Correct.

Look, it is simple, her current personal relationship is none of your business, and by speculating and allowing yourself to assign the label "polyamorous" to her, you involve yourself in her relationship, you also start building a mental version of her that is detached from reality if you let it go far enough.

This will cause you to act irrationally and increase the heartache once the investable blow up happens.

[-] solidheron@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 hours ago

Yeah I legitimately don't care about her relationship with her boyfriend outside of it presumably being an important relationship to her. To me, it's more important that I respect any boundaries that she puts up even if they're boundaries that protect her relationship.

Even if she hates me I'd still respect her. I can't treat her worse than a stranger just she doesn't like me

[-] daggermoon@piefed.world 8 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 9 hours ago)

I know where this type of thinking leads to. Please listen to the other commenter. Save yourself the trouble and anguish. I wish I had someone like them offering this advice when I needed it. I fucked up a perfectly good friendship and I don't wish the same for you.

[-] solidheron@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 hour ago

Do you not love your friends?

I feel like I should go all in on love even though I hesitate. I don't mean love between two people of opposite genders, I should mean love between friends with other men

[-] ArgumentativeMonotheist@lemmy.world 3 points 10 hours ago

Probably not, but she might cheat. Would you still want her if that were true, though? Should you?

[+] solidheron@sh.itjust.works -10 points 10 hours ago

I don't Care if she cheats? I'm fine with the idea of her being polyamorous

[-] Shamyase@jlai.lu 4 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago)

You are more attracted by the idea, the possibility of her, than by her.

That is immensely irrespectful of her, and we as women know far too much the toxicity and behavior that comes from this kind of reasoning - you may end up possessive and abusive.

Follow other comments : get your shit together, look at the situation with honesty and maturity, and stop projecting your fantasms on someone who didn't ask for it.

[-] solidheron@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 hour ago

I like how she's good at communication and I do find her hilarious. Before I had any feelings for her I thought she was an honest person that puts out who she is for everyone to see. She used to be 1 of many people in a social group.

[-] trxxruraxvr@lemmy.world 5 points 8 hours ago

Bring polyamorous is not the same as cheating while in a committed monogamous relationship. If she cheats it means she can't be trusted.

[-] solidheron@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 hour ago

I trust her now. Women can fall for temptation. Idk anything about partners or relationships

[-] thisisbutaname@discuss.tchncs.de 0 points 8 hours ago

Those two things are not the same. Quite the opposite in fact.

Others have already said that it's a huge assumption to think of her as polyamorous without any proof, but I'll add that if you think cheating and being polyamorous are the same thing you should read something about polyamory.

[-] solidheron@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 hour ago

Do people even read what I said. I'm not conflating cheating with being polyamorous

[-] Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org 0 points 9 hours ago

Dude, never ignore cheating. If she cheats, even with you, it means that it can happen again and nothing is stopping her from cheating with someone else while being with you.

[-] solidheron@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 hours ago

I'm not ignoring cheating. I'm just apathetic to her cheating. At this point her cheating would be having consentual sex with another adult (not referring to myself). I've only seen her boyfriend at one event. Idk man seems like people can love multiple people

[-] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 4 points 8 hours ago

they might, but they also dont want to be creeped on.

[-] solidheron@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 hour ago

I like how you answer the question instead of giving me vague warnings.

Idk if the affection I give is perceived as strongly from her perspective. Like I've been holding onto this magic card she gave me for a while and she could see if as me appreciating her act of kindness or she thinks nothing of it 🤣.

[-] sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyz -2 points 7 hours ago

Men are become very easily attracted to people because they're generally pretty lonely and not used to attention. Women can pretty much assume that's on the table if they want it

[-] solidheron@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 hour ago

Lol you got hate for reference the lonilness epidemic. Idk if women think like this, but like a single man has a high likelihood like 70+% they at least have attraction.

[-] sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyz 1 points 25 minutes ago* (last edited 23 minutes ago)

Yep. It's in this weird cultural place where addressing it somehow simultaneously pisses off progressives and reactionaries.

I've known some women who can talk maturely about it but yeah the majority of people are just too entrenched in their shit. Like it feels like common sense that men should "just get over it", go touch grass, and we shouldn't really examine the how the world economy runs on people's estrangement.

[-] thisisbutaname@discuss.tchncs.de 0 points 8 hours ago

She can't know if you don't tell her. Sure, she can guess and make assumptions, but that's not knowing.

That said, she's in a relationship. That should be enough for you to back off and find someone who's free and interested instead.

[-] solidheron@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 hour ago

Tell her would remove all doubt, buuuut I'm probably not going to shy away from love

this post was submitted on 07 Aug 2026

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