Do women know of a man has feelings for them? (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 12 hours ago by solidheron@sh.itjust.works to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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So I got feeling for a woman that I share a hobby with and I run into her fairly regularly, she also surprises and impresses me.

She probably knows I have feelings because I said I care about her over text (out of legitimate concern). Now I'm catching myself laughing at the things she says and I actually asked her to calm down because I was laughing at her and another person going at it while im high on an edible in the courthouse.

Like I haven't pursue a relationship. She has a boyfriend and I'm learning healthy relationships (I used to be more antisocial).

I do feel like I come off as a friend,but I feel like women know mens feelings

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[-] stoy@lemmy.zip 15 points 11 hours ago

I'm sitting here wondering if she's polyamorous.

Stop wondering, that is a hell of an assumption to even consider, and if you keep that thought active in your head, you risk making a decision that not only blows up in your face but also creating a huge mess that affects many around you.

[-] solidheron@sh.itjust.works 0 points 11 hours ago

Is speculation an assumption? You make it sound bad that I'm guessing something based on related comments in the past.

Am I just not supposed to think of her as polyamorous?

[-] stoy@lemmy.zip 22 points 10 hours ago

Am I just not supposed to think of her as polyamorous?

Correct.

Look, it is simple, her current personal relationship is none of your business, and by speculating and allowing yourself to assign the label "polyamorous" to her, you involve yourself in her relationship, you also start building a mental version of her that is detached from reality if you let it go far enough.

This will cause you to act irrationally and increase the heartache once the investable blow up happens.

[-] solidheron@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 hours ago

Yeah I legitimately don't care about her relationship with her boyfriend outside of it presumably being an important relationship to her. To me, it's more important that I respect any boundaries that she puts up even if they're boundaries that protect her relationship.

Even if she hates me I'd still respect her. I can't treat her worse than a stranger just she doesn't like me

[-] daggermoon@piefed.world 8 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)

I know where this type of thinking leads to. Please listen to the other commenter. Save yourself the trouble and anguish. I wish I had someone like them offering this advice when I needed it. I fucked up a perfectly good friendship and I don't wish the same for you.

[-] solidheron@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 hours ago

Do you not love your friends?

I feel like I should go all in on love even though I hesitate. I don't mean love between two people of opposite genders, I should mean love between friends with other men

this post was submitted on 07 Aug 2026

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