I can't afford to not even in my own home
this post was submitted on 25 Nov 2023
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neurodiverse
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What is Neurodivergence?
It's ADHD, Autism, OCD, schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, bi-polar, aspd, etc etc etc etc
“neurologically atypical patterns of thought or behavior”
So, it’s very broad, if you feel like it describes you then it does as far as we're concerned
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I didn’t even realize there were people who just lived unmasked. How?
I'm not even close to fully unmasking yet and it's already been such a shit time
Quieter on the far side of the garden shears. I'm not sure how much I like the longer gaps where it's just me and my thoughts. If there's life and light, I haven't found it yet.
I still mask at grocery stores & mass transportation and don't think I'll ever stop. I was literally getting sick every two months before the pandemic, my hygiene has improved massively with masking/washing hands/having indoor vs. outdoor clothes, and I don't want to go back. I do some higher risk stuff like group gym classes unmasked and haven't been fucked over yet, somewhat improbably. I've still managed to keep working from home (although that might change to hybrid in the new year) so we'll see how I decide to navigate that.
I think she means masking in the neurodiverse sense. Good on you for masking up, though, I've also reluctant to give up the masks since I like the idea of not getting sick at all.
Nice, thanks for still masking! I did it a few months after quarantine lifted but eventually gave up because nobody else did and it's pretty useless if I'm the only one masking
wearing a mask still protects you to some extent, plus it helps you not spread illness to others (though i get not really caring at this point)
Idk if it's because I've unmasked more or if I've just continued to unravel or have been stuck in autistic burnout for years but I feel the same or worse. Idk if I actually unmask though.
Yea it sucks when you don't even know what your unmasked self is because masking is all you've ever known
Exactly. And when.you have multiple struggles going on (ND, mental health dx, environmental) it can make it so much harder to suss out which is the culprit for what difficulty so that you can tend to it. Or, as you tend to one, effects of another may become amplified which I think I've experienced. Do you think it's even worth it to unmask at this point? Or is it simply different sets of struggles for you masked vs unmasked
Do you think it's even worth it to unmask at this point?
unmasking my autism and unmasking my cishet man veneer are heavily intertwined and I definitely need to accomplish the latter as well for my mental wellbeing
What do you mean after?
I've pissed a lot of people off and burned a lot of bridges, but not without reason. I don't suffer bullshit anymore. Im sure my reputation isn't great now, but I've got my little social circle and the people who love me love me deeply.
I grew up isolated and with zero friends. I never really had people to talk to so I never learned to mask as much? I also never got diagnosed or anyone paid enough attention to consider I was autistic. I've struggled my whole life and was oblivious to it too. I remember bawling my eyes out at 16 to my mother asking her why I had no friends. (She stayed silent and juat watched me) But I just came off weird and strange. Not know social cues or the proper etiquette and what not. I'd be polite but blunt too. But this is me in hindsight, I only found out a few years back and I know being the way I was hindered me a lot. I still don't mask, I still get exhausted in social situations. I try to be more aware of it and I try to be careful with how I come across but people still treat me like I'm spare furniture if there's more than two people. I become invisible when out too. It can be very lonely.
Is that what you’re supposed to do? I didn’t really think that was an option.
I've just recently figured out that what's been happening to me for the past several years is this "autistic burnout", so I suppose my lack of ability and intolerance of stressors has been the result of this involuntary "unmasking". On one hand I have less responsibilities and have calmer days without meltdowns, but on the other hand I feel crushingly guilty that I can't contribute to the household financially like I'm expected to. I feel like everyone around me sees me as a failure or just a lazy bum, and they will never understand.
I have this fear that everyone is going to get sick of me and give me some kind of ultimatum I can't fulfill, and then kick me out and leave me homeless. Nobody has indicated anything like that yet, but I worry it's just a matter of time before me staying at home all day, needing rides for everything, and always needing money starts to get old. I'm currently desperately trying to figure out alternative ways to contribute so they won't start to hate me. Maybe I could start knitting everybody sweaters? Babysitting my nephew? Cooking dinner?
I feel the exact same way, we recently almost just lost our home and I honestly felt absolutely soul crushed knowing I couldn't do anything to help because I can't get a job due to variety of disabilities. I also didn't know about the term "autistic burnout" until this comment and it's really nice to finally have a word to describe how I've felt for the last few years...
Reading this post and all of the comments I'm entirely confused. SoCal LA, OC, SD area has been 95% unmasked for around a year or more. Infact the only people I see wearing masks anymore stick out. I assumed this was the case everywhere. Where are you all that people are still majority masked?
Oh geez, I feel dumb haha. I unmasked in this sense too long ago to provide any valuable insight. Other than I cannot imagine I ever would have learned to love myself if not that I didn't learn to be myself first. Finding the burning man community helped me a lot in this regard, as it allowed me to surround myself with people I felt safe to bring my guard down around.
I want to think this is neuordivergent unmasking, but OP talks about literal COVID unmasking. Like, if you're referring to COVID unmasking, please don't spread COVID misinformation.
I meant neurodivergent masking but decided to just respond sincerely to those that misinterpreted
I don't think I'm spreading misinformation. Studies have shown one wearing a medical mask amongst the unmasked doesn't help oneself while cloth ones a tiny bit and N95 grades is effective
This is incorrect and dangerous. Also wear an N95 if you're concerned about the efficacy of other masks.
I said an N95 is effective by itself yes
That study only shows efficacy of masks at preventing COVID 19 particles penetration
I'm talking about efficacy of preventing COVID while being the only one masked in a crowd of unmasked
Masked surgical gives you an upper bound of 90% chance risk of infection with only one other unmasked person. N95 gives you a 20% with only one other unmasked person
https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.2110117118
Look, I support masking and like I said, I would love to wear one if most others would also wear one. I was wearing a mask by my lonesome for months after quarantine ended
Listen comrade. A one off study should not put set against a systematic review (see Wikipedia's guidelines for medical sources). If you want to be helpful, don't make controversial statements about medicine, in which wrong information could get someone hurt or killed.
@[email protected], due to no fault of your own, people are getting confused. Can you edit the text to explain this isn't referring to COVID. Thanks.
Done, I should've realised the ambiguity
It's kinda unfair that covid took over a neuordivergent word tbh
I was always atrocious at talking, so it hasn't damaged my social standing much. Or maybe I just don't stim that visibly. Or maybe I just never masked much, I couldn't do eye contact, facial expressions, or anything beyond a monotone-ish in person. Or maybe I just don't socialise enough in person, because I rarely go outside & do much of my social stuff online!
It's hard being your 100% true unfiltered self all the time, but I've found it really rewarding. I find it's a useful filter for weird neurotypicals + socialising with other autistic & neurodiverse people has been great fun! I am lucky though, I live in my own home with just my wife & have no need to go outside beyond work and groceries basically. I speak from a position of (relative) privilege.
Worthy to note also that I still throw the mask up for talking to cashiers and cabbies and stuff, and when people talk to me at my job it's an active effort not to mask. Unmasking is pretty hard.
It's great! But also all my friends are other queer ND people. I don't really give a shit what NT people think. Very liberating
Idk if anyone fully unmasks. I only do it in safe spaces like my home or with friends I trust.
I have been trying to with my boyfriend and it has gone really good. Finally started talking to him about trains today and he revealed he has a huge bag of model trains from his uncles in the basement and we gonna start a diorama soon.
At work it has been mixed. I teach and most of the kids are happy to have a 'weird' adult. One kid said to me 'last year you are our weird teacher. This year, you are still weird but...' she struggled for words 'we are excited.' Also one time, I started singing under my breath which is one of my major ticks that I normally try to hold in and a student came up to me to see if I was alright.
Some of my co-teachers have been a little odded out but it's a high stress field so they are used to weird coping mechanisms. Since I work well with our students, they don't seem to mind.
I am mostly happy/embarassed that my BF and I were both hiding our train fixation from each other. It makes me glad we are both comfortable enough with each other to be more open about stuff like that, but also a little sad we wasn't there yet. All of life is growth and I am very happy to have a partner that gets me on that level.
In general, I have been much more free with my self-expression, emotionality, and my tics. For a while, I was trying to 'play cool' and keep my cards closer to my chest when that is simply not me. People have always told me I have a very kind face and I have leaned into it: telling others what I like about them, and expressing gratitude as profusely and as often as I feel (called to) it. There is genuinely something wonderful in each and every person I meet and it feels so freeing to just tell them that!
Realizing i may never work a 40 hour week is hard to accept. They lowered what i can make while getting state insurance, and now im bleeding money.