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[–] 167 points 4 months ago (7 children)

People venturing outside of our atmosphere are advised against pleasuring themselves in zero gravity.

The reason? Female astronauts could accidentally get impregnated by stray fluids.

Seems all they have to do is invent some kind of nutsack.

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  • [–] 120 points 4 months ago (2 children)

    Is it just me or does this seem tremendously unlikely and easy to prevent?

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  • [–] 81 points 4 months ago (2 children)

    I propose funding for an aerospace cock sock that could keep everyone safe from stray nut.

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  • [–] 12 points 4 months ago

    All of the greatest inventions which revolutionized key aspects of our daily lives have begun in aerospace engineering.

    Pens that write upside down. Ice cream that doesn't melt. Cock socks that don't leak and are easy to clean.

    This is why we fund NASA!

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  • [–] 23 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (3 children)

    These guys never heard of a "posh-wank?"

    Edit: a posh wank is when you jerk it wearing a condom. Its also helpful if ur guy that doesnt like "the feel of condoms"

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    [–] 145 points 4 months ago (2 children)

    I think the bigger problem is the female astronauts slonking around the cabin crotch-first

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    [–] 132 points 4 months ago (3 children)

    “Three female astronauts can be impregnated by the same man on the same session… it finds its way,” Smyth replied.

    Not buying it at all... I'm not saying it's impossible but the odds must be astronomical (no pun intended) just for one pregnancy... not even in a million years. Life finds a way, I know, but come on!

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  • [–] 140 points 4 months ago (9 children)

    No, it's true. Female astronauts usually float around up there with their twats out; spread wide open to air it out, and nearly every time a male astronaut blasts some rope, it floats straight to it obviously.

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  • [+] [S] 52 points 4 months ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (4 children)
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    [–] 92 points 4 months ago

    scientists says

    This is not a serious publication.

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  • [–] 78 points 4 months ago (8 children)

    if you nut in space will it push you backwards

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    [–] 52 points 4 months ago
    [–] 45 points 4 months ago (4 children)

    It's a valid emergency propulsion method and I'm sick of being told it's not.

    One day I'm gonna save a space station, that will show them.

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    [–] 43 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    Great... Another job I'm not qualified for

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  • [–] 39 points 4 months ago (7 children)

    it's highly unlikely, fluids stick together and make drops in the air which you can easily see and avoid. and also, come on, women getting accidentally impregnated by sperm floating through the air is even less likely that women getting accidentally impregnated by sperm swimming in the water of the public swimming pool ...

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    [–] 38 points 4 months ago

    This website is complete junk.

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  • [–] 36 points 4 months ago (2 children)
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    [–] 33 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    Wasn't that a joke from some comedian?

    I know this is science memes, but this is just straight up bullshit repackaged with a clickbait title

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    [–] 32 points 4 months ago

    Oh cum on, it's going to be really hard to handle that. Mind you, I'd be more concerned about the stray 'liquid' getting into machinery and shorting something, rather than accidentally impregnating three women at a time.

    Fortunately we don't have to worry about this yet as "This article was originally published on 23 July 20222".

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  • [–] 30 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    That reads as "male astronauts should not mastrubate in space". So it's absolutely fine for a female astronaut to rub one out. It's not like she's going to be ejecting eggs all over the place. Think of THAT OnlyFans.

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    [–] 25 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    I thought you were dead, but nice try, Kellogg

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    [–] 24 points 4 months ago (3 children)

    Female astronauts could accidentally get impregnated by stray fluids.

    New fetish unlocked

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    [–] 22 points 4 months ago

    Well everything needs to be studied conclusively but wow.

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  • [–] 22 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (7 children)

    NASA scientists says-

    Shouldn't it be "NASA scientist says-" or "NASA scientists say-"

    I'm dyslexic and not native English speaker so I'm not sure. But it sounds weird when I say it in my head.

    Than about the other thing: the subject. Doctors say it's necessary to ejaculated at least once a week to lower the chance of prostate cancer. Also, not doing anything about being horny is fucked up. I'm wearing a catheter for 4 weeks (one and half weeks to go) and it sucks so bad. Every woman I see makes me horny now, whenever I see something sexy like a bikini in a commercial or 2 people kissing during a show, I get a woodie, which hurts because I had surgery on my eurethra. Every night, the entire night, I have a woodie. I know, because the pain it causes keeps me awake. The longer the horniness is cropped up, the worse it gets. I know astronauts didn't have surgery down there, but not jurking off makes many men bombs of cropped up horniness. It can also affect concentration and performance of tasks. Men need their relief. As do women.

    So, NASA scientists, why don't you invent a seed killing, particle capturing jerkoff sock for astronauts. It sounds stupid but it's oh so important.

    Edit: about the Grammer, I was right.

    Also, what a slop website.

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    [–] 18 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

    We might soon have a drug that stops sperm production. That would be welcome news for space gooners.

    Edit: I just wanted to say "space gooner".

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    [–] 16 points 4 months ago (3 children)

    I'm not looking to have a baby, but I gotta admit that if I were an astronaut and the one-in-a-million chance of getting impregnated by floating sperm happened, that'd be incredible. I'd have the first baby conceived in space! What a cool story to have in a family's lore.

    Of course, that's provided it survives the rest of the trip.

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    [–] 14 points 4 months ago*

    Lol. Chances for accidentally short circuit something with stray fluid are much much higher than creating a new human this way.

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  • [–] 13 points 4 months ago

    The female astronauts shouldn't have dressed that way /s

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  • [–] 13 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    I wanna see the cumball formed by ejaculating in 0 gravity.

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