I think "teleporting to Waffle House" is a new favorite euphemism for getting totally shitfaced

Previously, he oddly claimed that he involuntarily teleported to a Waffle House in Georgia that was 50 miles away.

Umn.. Aren't blackouts like that typically a sign of alcoholism or other substance abuse?

I'm no longer phased by any new confirmations that we're in the "circus" alternate reality of the one we thought we inhabited.

The destination Waffle House was apparently in Rome, GA. I wonder where the origin "50 miles away" was?

Not because I believe he actually teleported, mind you, but because he was obviously driving while blackout drunk and I want him to stay the Hell away from me.

I too have figured out teleportation. All it takes is for me to consume a bottle of tequila, and I wake up some time later in a dumpster outside of a Wal Mart. Two things I have yet to figure out; why is it always a dumpster outside Wal Mart? And why do I always lose my pants when passing through the quantum realm? Who, or what, is stealing my pants?

Just when I thought this season of America had jumped the shark, they introduce a brilliant new comic relief character.

I guess being a walking disaster is now considered "experience" for disaster management.

Lmao, blacked out and went to a waffle house then woke up in a ditch. Huh, must have teleported here by accident.

I did it Kim! I teleported!

However, after a weeks in the role, several FEMA officials said they came around to Phillips after seeing his initiative during the January storm response.

“Gregg Phillips is FEMA’s best hope at this moment. I can’t believe I’m saying that,” one high-ranking FEMA official told CNN at the time.

Same, unnamed FEMA official, same.

Wow, no exaggerated clickbait here.

I’m so tired

Phillips, a conservative activist who spread voter fraud conspiracies

Nobody spreads conspiracies. One either takes part in conspiracies or spreads conspiracy theories. Those are very different things.

Being John Malkoditch

Not a bit more insane than any religious person.

ugh of course he's that lame and uncreative. i can levitate and fart showtunes (i mean it depends on how gurgly you want them to get i pitch correct in the tub) but you don't see me bragging when i haven't got a tony

I thought he was wearing some crazy shoulder pads for a minute.

Oh my god the artifact actually works, I've gotta inform the high command

Man, Rick Grimes fell off

Disaster Chief is like Captain Obvious

Bath salts will also do that

Tequila Shots are never a good idea