Surely the ideal beach body is just crab.

Ngl, sand repelling anus sounds like a good upgrade. Anakin would approve.

I’ve never had issues with anus sand… what are you guys doing at the beach?

This is the ideal beach body.

You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.

Describe arm flaps? I think I have those. My anus also frequently emits high powered bursts of gas which could puff away loose sand. I think perhaps I'm pretty close to an ideal beach bod.

I def wish I had that sand repelling anus.

I hate sand...

Lobstrosities

And webbed feet so sand doesn’t get stuck between your toes.

Didn't forget the nictating eye membranes so you can see underwater, maybe some gills.

Exactly, my blubber adds extra insulation, buoyancy, and protection from predators.

And a cloaca, since protecting two holes is harder than one.

A sand-attracting anus could have its own bright sides. At some point, you become a Katamari.