This is exactly why we didn't want you to have independence. You clearly weren't ready. I mean the whole Trump issue was one thing, but this... This is just monstrous.

Excellent work you horrible person

I'm Canadian and we have a long heritage with English things .... especially tea. But our brothers and sisters are American so we have a lot of overlap in our culture.

I grew up in northern Ontario in an indigenous community. Mom and dad were traditional people who were born and raised in the bush. They lived on your old English black tea. We treated it like a survival food and basically cooked it like it was coffee. All my life tea was made by boiling water in a large metal 4 litre tea pot and once there was a rolling boil, you dropped in eight tea bags and let it bubble for a minute until it all turned into a deep reddish liquid. The best tea was always in the first half an hour, after that it was like drinking a really strong coffee.

I drank that from the time I was a baby ... really! I remember seeing mom fill a baby bottle with warm tea, canned milk and a bit of sugar and feed it to my baby brothers. I assume she did the same to me.

Once I started living away from home, I drank less tea and more coffee. But I always love my black tea.

Never order it in a restaurant in Canada. Half the time a cheap little restaurant will just use hot tap water and drop the shittiest tea bag thats been sitting on the shelf for years to make your brew.

The only public place to get good tea is at Tim Hortons, the Canadian coffee chain. They actually make the kind of tea I grew up with, really strong brewed tea that is kept fresh regularly. Their coffee is shit but their tea is excellent .... at least to me.

Well, the US once made the biggest cup of tea in history.

A whole harbor.

I prefer to use one of my well-used coffee mugs. The one that's heavily stained and makes everything taste like coffee no matter how many times you wash it.

Why did you forget to open the tea bag?

It's a bit wet without a biscuit served. I suggest a rich tea or custard cream. If you can't get those in the US, any of your weird ass deviant cookies will do.

To be fair it's better than my process for making tea for myself.

Tea bag, sugar, cold water all go into a mug and into the microwave for three minutes. I forget about it for roughly an hour, then drink it as is.

This all sounds about right, except maybe wiping your unwashed genitals around the rim of the cup before you start. Other than that, spot on.

Fucking hell, mate. Always put the water in the mug before the tea bag.

I just serve them yerba matte and watch them get dialed to eleven.

Step 1: Brew coffee. Step 2: Drink coffee.

That is only a bit worse than what British people do with their tea. OK, theirs is reasonably fresh, but they let the teabag sit in the pot for ages and they commit the serious, undefendable crime of adding milk.

Fake Pyrex as well

That's some nice hot leaf juice you've got there.

You know we should have just told you people we'd discovered America, and then closed all the ports once you'd gone.

Ewww fake pyrex

Also, make sure to ask "Fancy a cup of?" with extra emphasis on "of". It is a classic British phrase

You sir, are a bounder.