How do you make sure people aren't sexually attracted to your innocence? I'm an adult now, but I've had to deal with sex pests in the past. I've learned some red flags, and I'd like to learn more. (hexbear.net)

submitted 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I know a red flag is boundary-stepping over sexual and physical boundaries. Because that's called grooming. And that if I'm uncomfortable don't give them grace to stop by themselves, stand your ground immediately and leave the situation. Always say no, and literally run away if I have to.

Another red flag is if they buy you gifts without you asking, and they start saying you owe them favors for these gifts you didn't even ask for. It can escalate to many things like staying when they're do something abusive because they say you owe them anything they state you do. Sex has been demanded of me this way when I refused to have sex. So leave at once if this starts.

Is there anything you would add to this?

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[-] [email protected] 19 points 3 weeks ago

Just gonna name off the red flags my last ex had ngl bc they 100% approached me due to me having low self esteem at the time

In addition to the gift one, spending time also. If they treat spending time with you like it's a favour rather than mutual fun, then get out of there.
If they constantly bring up wanting something (not necessarily a gift, could be sex or w/e), but then get defensive when you ask them to be more direct or anything like that, they're trying to guilt you into doing it.
If they constantly shit talk your friends/family they're trying to isolate you from them.

i cant think of anything else off the top of my head thonk

[-] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

If they treat spending time with you like it's a favour rather than mutual fun, then get out of there.

Yep, that's happened to me. When I was younger one person intentionally did this as a buildup to demanding sex from me. When I refused, they acted extremely angry. After that incident would check in about if I had an income yet, even though they clearly did not care about me or see me as an actual person who was allowed to not have sex with them. They were almost certainly seeing if I had money they could pressure me to hand over to them.

They'd never even paid for anything, I used coupons that paid for everything the day we hung out and they lashed out.

[-] [email protected] 8 points 3 weeks ago

Look out for narcissists, people threatening to break up or hurt themselves, people trying to control you.

[-] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

CW: SA, suicide threat

spoiler

One guy threatened to commit suicide if I didn't have sex with them. An attorney told me this is a method of SA called coercion.

Everyone who gets this threat needs to let this kind of guy commit suicide.

Looking back I really don't think they were suicidal at all. I think they were just trying to control me.

this post was submitted on 30 Aug 2025

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