My primary goal in using this site was to spread clarification to the best of my abilities. After reading many of the comments on the now locked thread, it seems I have achieved some success in that for some number of people.

I am thankful for all the folks who spoke up about my ban. I am also thankful for the connections and what I have learned as well.

However, there is a bitterness in my stomach that I just can't swallow it. So it is goodbye

cw: zionist cringe (by a liberal who thinks they're not a zio)

imagine this, every person in the world based on where they're born gets a color, this color decides where they can go, where and what they can work as, who they can love, who'll take them as refugees when there's a catastrophe, This is passports.

western leftist circles are an uno game of who calls the other wrecker first

"ohma gawd they're going to make a movie or a game that references my people's struggle against imperialism and colonialism"

movie shows a scene where a child gets killed

growing up in a non-western country and seeing cartoons is blissful ignorance of the amount of racism they hold, you rewatch that shit and you think "OOoooh this wasn't a silly outfit they thought off of, this is racism"

I do it to myself arguing with white people on do I cool off by relaxing and maybe a nap nah gonna listen to some Fanon now

Welp.

I didn't get the vegan bakery job, and at this point, I am just frustrated.

I am constantly and constantly running out of ideas.

Everything about that job seemed to point in a positive direction, but I still didn't get hired. It almost seemed baffling to read that I didn't get hired. I think it had to be racism. They have some POC staff, yes, but I don't think any of them are BLACK, and that probably seemed a little too "woke" for them. They post anti-racist signs on the front of their store, but still don't have the decency to actually be anti-racist. This is typical white virtue signaling, AFAIK.

My mom is getting real weird about columbian now, citing crime didn't exist in mexico till the columbians got their I don't even know how to untangle these worms she has normally she's easy enough to talk to about most stuff and convince but she's digging her heels on this one.

finished listening to blowback 10 episodes and gotta say fuck fuck the troops and fuck any white liberals that look back on it sadden more and focusing more on the american lives lost vs all the Iraqis.

Because of this major fucking disappointment, I applied to a lot more jobs than usual today... I also specifically tried to see if any Black-owned businesses around were hiring. One already got back in contact with me, so that's good. I've been basically constantly on and off job hunting all day, but I'll take a break now. A comrade from a trans mutual aid organization said they'll see if they can find anything around for me because, like I said, I'm running out of ideas. My referral also told me she will check for other things, too.

I found a really cool artist who sings in Nahuatl and Mayan among the sea of Ojitos mentirosos TikToks! They're called Azalea Báalam and more people should check them out.

https://youtube.com/channel/UC6aLGfMp_ryMiUd01Nwm-5w

Friend got me a peanut butter chocolate cake (from the same vegan bakery I applied to). He said he wanted to do it on my birthday some months back (but did not get the chance to). Since I was sad as shit yesterday, he offered to get me it, and I can pick it up a week from now. YUM! Love him for that.

got a lot of lumber yesterday since my mom wants to make tamales de cenzia, I'm not fully sure of the process yet but I know I get to chop wood and make a fire so that's cool might wait to do this more in fall at night for the vibes

Trying to get myself out of the funk I've been on for the past month-month and a half. Nothing feels quite right. And even with one of the biggest things to go my way (had a really good chance to move out on my own), I ended up just kind of selfsabotoging and letting the opportunity pass by.

Maybe saying selfsabotaging is a bit strong because there are factors that are keeping me with my family, mainly just not wanting to leave and let my mom and brother shoulder all of my dad's care. And by extension leaving my mom with just by brother at home since he tends to stress way too much about our dad's health and then shuts out people for extended periods of time, which is part of the reason I went so hard trying to find my own place. My mom recently told me "you're my only friend in the house" after going through a rough day with my brother and I... just damn. We all love each other, but its just tough sharing a limited space.

Work's also been rough. I had fallen behind on a lot of stuff and I'm sure its going to bite me bad over the next couple of days. But I had started catching up on a few things and then someone on my crew decided to quit. And even with all the attempts on my part to make things work out for them they decided to just skip out with no time to give us a chance to hire a new person. Just burning all the bridges.

Found on F*ceb**k

When you hear your romantic partner's parent say the most racist shit about YOUR race that you've ever heard in person, do you stay amicable in a superficial way? They're a very old white person, and they will never stop watching race conspiracies in mainstream US news. So there's no use in trying to change things right?

I wish I could sit at the dinner table with the rest of my partner's family without this hyper-racist person sitting with us. I've once cried myself to sleep for three nights straight after a dinner. What this person said was bad enough that I would've preferred they called me a slur instead.

They specifically asked my partner if they were a insert my race-sympathizer. As if to be my race is to be the same as a Nazi, and its weird to have sympathy for people of my race. No one counts my race as white, btw. My people also have some socialist history so they might automatically suspect communist relation with every insert my race person they meet. They read a Nazi magazine disguised as normal news, so I think they think communists are a worse threat than Nazis.

it's suffocating how a small of a circle I have to be in, I step outside a little and I see those who'll fight to take away my breath.

Was composing riffs out of sheer boredom tonight, and my mind birthed this.

I was messing around with the 10-string tuning again or, at least, allowing for the lowest note on a standard-tuned 10-string (I actually wrote this riff with a double-droptuned 9-string in mind, so G♯₀–C♯₁–G♯₁–C♯₂–F♯₂–B₂–E₃–G♯₃–C♯₄ is the actual tuning.)

That low G♯₀ is far more felt than heard. I think this riff could be good for a chorus or something. And I really just rushed the mixing because this was just to be a basic demonstration.

It's always been drilled into my by my parents of whenever I go outside look as neat and presentable as possible. It's the whole trying to frame myself as one of the "good ones" and I fully get and playing to it so as not to paint a target on myself but damn be feeling worried when I where some sweat pants and a tank top sometimes.