Blood Benchy Boat.

Unfortunately, the machine only gives you the reverse of what you type into it.

Yes, in theory. It's extremely dangerous and absurdly expensive. It also would only address the microplastics currently in the bloodstream - the ones already embedded into organ tissues wouldn't be reliably filtered out this way.

Unfortunately, it doesn't stay in the blood. Sometimes it wedges in nooks and crannies, where I accumulates and doesn't leave until a tumor pushes it out.

I'm vaguely qualified (biochem degree) to say it's probably possible

that being said there's just a lot of stuff in nature easier to eat than plastic so if some kind of plasticphagic microbe starts causing issues it'll likely be somewhere otherwise very inhospitable, like near the poles or in space, where there's not much else in the way of metabolizable carbon sources

which, lol. imagine going on an Antarctic or space mission and your fucking PPE starts fermenting lmao good luck

or the ocean might become so horribly poisinous that everything dies and after microbes eat all the dead biomass and then each other, then they start eating the plastic 😬

It took a long time for nature to figure out how to process wood, but it eventually happened. My wooden furniture is still standing though.

There's fungi that are eating the pacific trash patch, but the issue is that there's not much energy to be gained from plastics we use. It's slow.

If I remember correctly it is a real concern and also part of why developing a bacteria that can break down plastic is very dangerous (not just because it could degrade our tools and infrastructure, but also because it will release literally megatons of CO2 into the atmosphere)

Fyi, in the past there was nothing in nature to break down trees (lignin) and it actually was a problem as they would literally pile up and essentially be the same problem we have today with plastic (ironically it caused global cooling) https://www.thorogood.co.uk/treevolution-how-trees-came-first-and-rot-came-later-in-earths-deep-past/

Plastic is mimicking certain hormones and I'm suspecting that the recent rise in cancer rates is linked to plastic intake.

There is different health implications connected to microplastics like infertility and cardiovascular diseases, although the connections are not quite understood yet. The amount of microplastics in the human body is very alarming though. A study with brain samples found 0.5w% of plastics, which corresponds to roughly 6g of plastic in a brain. That's a credit card's worth of plastic.

This article should give some overview over different findings and implications:

https://www.theguardian.com/environment/article/2024/aug/21/microplastics-brain-pollution-health

The water surrounding DuPont plants manufacturing PFOA-based materials was contaminated with those plastics. A local farmer videotaped his cows develop ulcers, grow tumors, and eventually wither and die. He constantly insisted that something was in the water that was killing his cows. Those same chemicals are now pervasive everywhere, in everyone's bodies to some extent. It is 100% accurate to say these chemical compounds will kill you longterm.

plastic can be oversimplified into "usually biologically inert molecule chains" (polymers) held together by "usually NOT biologically inert accessory molecules" (plasticizers, fillers, etc.)

BPA is a pretty well-known "fucks you up" plasticizer, hence it being banned for some applications and "BPA-free" marketing taking off (fun fact we're still figuring out how badly BPA replacements, most being very similar molecules, are fucking us up and to what extent)

Yeah, probably just extra weight that interferes with the speed of your cells doing their job.

...and you will be so happy for a few moments before you realize the machine never returned you back all your blood. You realize the machine never intended to give it back as you slowly fade into eternal slumber.

ah i see, you are living mostly plastic free

gotta make do with the little material you have

/jk im sure you have a palm tree there