this post was submitted on 10 May 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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(page 2) 50 comments
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[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 days ago

I asked the lady with no legs. She said bigger dick.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Heart failure is one of the biggest killers out there. I think you'd have a better odds of living a long life with some kind of super heart. Your heart is basically just a water pump that has to remain online for 100 years or you die fast.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago (2 children)

That's a good point, but in my opinion the other common deaths are way worse. Cancer? Living with the anxiety of impending death and constantly getting sicker, more in pain and being nauseous from medication? Or COPD, feeling like you are suffocating slowly? Alzheimers, Parkinsons? Or my personal fear - dying from a stupid simple cold? Man, I take a heart attack any day of the week.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (6 children)

All y'all are picking dick.

But the correct answer is the balls. Need something more durable and with a faster reload time.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Then you want to upgrade your prostate, not balls.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 days ago

How many times a day do you need to jerk off?!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago

balls

Instructions Unclear, accidentally became leader of Ukraine.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Careful with that, you probably wouldn't want to end up in a StuG III Ausf B situation

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago

rubbing a monkey's paw

Oh no! I didn't realize I was asking for Nazi balls!

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Tough call...

Do you pick the one that will probably kill you or the one making quality of life kinda shit.

Awkward when fixing the organ doesn't fix the problems with it

(•_•)

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago

Idk cause making my pp bigger in my mind fixes all of my problems.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 days ago (4 children)

Upgrade my liver, stay drunk for the next 3 years and 9 months.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Isn't that backwards? The liver filters alcohol out of the body. I would think an upgraded liver would sober you up quicker.

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Can I just say “my immune system”? That’d prevent all kinds of diseases and make you cancer proof!

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 days ago (1 children)

not an organ and having a stronger immune system would kill you

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 days ago

Post didn’t say stronger it said upgrade. And it wouldn’t be an upgrade if it killed me!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago

Skeletal structure.

This implies stronger bones and stronger joints. With a stronger framework to hold your muscles, you get a sturdier body.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I'd upgrade my ass so that I didn't need to shit, it just like teleported the poop somewhere

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 days ago

Sinuses. Those fuckers are overdue for an upgrade. Can you imagine never being congested again?

Brain is the right answer but sinuses are #2.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 days ago

my skin, i think the one organ that protects all the other organs is long overdue for an upgrade

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