this post was submitted on 20 Mar 2025
493 points (98.8% liked)

Not The Onion

15173 readers
2329 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 11 points 8 hours ago

Commerce Secretary is heavily invested in tesla stock.

dump that stock.

make the bank collect on Elon tesla stock loan collateral.

make Elon pay taxes on that stock.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

He forgot the Golden Rule.

Never bet on a fucking Nazi.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 13 hours ago (1 children)
  • Never get involved in a land war in Asia
  • Never go up against a Sicilian when death is on the line
  • Never bet on a fucking Nazi
[–] [email protected] 15 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Never try to invade Russia during winter

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 hours ago

Unless you're the Mongols of course.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 14 hours ago

They're starting to reek of fear...

[–] [email protected] 23 points 15 hours ago (2 children)

Next week they'll probably try to rename the country as United States of America sponsored by Tesla Motors.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 14 hours ago

Just the year. The start of subsidized time.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

United states of Tesla sounds better.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 hours ago

I still prefer United States of Moronica.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

People who take this advice are going to be disappointed when Tesla gets outcompeted by every other EV company and it drops to zero. It's just like the trump shitcoins. Just scamming their base at every turn because they've gotten used to lying about everything without consequences.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 13 hours ago

matter of time before Seattle starts disregarding tariffs and dumping teslas into the harbor

[–] [email protected] 52 points 19 hours ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 15 hours ago

The fascism stage lol

[–] [email protected] 2 points 13 hours ago

That's awesome

[–] [email protected] 26 points 19 hours ago (2 children)

Encourage the public to buy it while executives unload millions, yeah, wonder why they are recommending that.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 13 hours ago

He literally rug pulled a shit coin and then did it again with Melania lol

[–] [email protected] 3 points 17 hours ago

It's two part. Trump's cabinet is filled with natural liars, and they love money more than life itself.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 18 hours ago

We'll be back with more US government right after these messages!

[–] Birdie 53 points 22 hours ago (1 children)

When the government starts promoting particular products, whether it's Goya beans or Teslas, there is a line being crossed. This administration is completely topsy-turvy.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

The precedent was set with Goya. It's now only permissible to the GOP. President sponsored private businesses is such a fucking insane thing.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

So much for the old "the government should not pick winners and losers!" line conservatives used to swear by...

[–] [email protected] 25 points 20 hours ago

Repeat after me:

Every accusation is a confession!

[–] [email protected] 131 points 1 day ago* (last edited 22 hours ago) (4 children)

This is most probably illegal, even in the US. But, oh well, it's just Wednesday in naziland.

[–] [email protected] 53 points 1 day ago

It's almost certainly a huge ethics violation. And it's disgusting. The gop doesn't even pretend to have integrity anymore.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 18 hours ago

The Democrats are going to have to wave those little round signs extra hard.

And then vote for the bill that makes this legal.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 day ago (1 children)

No market manipulation is illegal in the USA for quite some time now.

[–] [email protected] 43 points 1 day ago (5 children)

Illegal is only illegal if someone is willing to prosecute it. Who pray tell is going to charge the Secretary of Commerce?

load more comments (5 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 62 points 1 day ago (4 children)

“Elon Musk is probably the best person to bet on I have ever met,” said Lutnick. “And I think, we all know that, I mean, gosh, in the same week that he saves astronauts with his rockets that he invented — imagine that. He’s building, he’s building the coolest robots you’ve ever seen. Go online and look up ‘Optimus’ — it’s the coolest thing you’ve ever seen, we’re all gonna be buying robots, they’re gonna cost about $30,000, you’re buying a Tesla robot, and anybody who doesn’t buy a Tesla robot is gonna be silly, no one’s gonna be keying anything. Elon Musk is the best entrepreneur and technologist in America and I’d bet on him — I wish I was allowed, but I’m not allowed to buy any stock!”

Thank you for this transcript. I doubt I could have made out anything of what Lutnick was saying given how deep into Elon's asshole his tongue appears to be.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 hours ago

he saves astronauts with his rockets that he invented — imagine that.

No, he didn't.

He’s building, he’s building the coolest robots you’ve ever seen.

No, he doesn't.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago)

Lmao, intended his own rockets. 😂 Husk doesn't know how to build a fucking rocket.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 14 hours ago

This literally reads like a child's homework assignment to "write about your hero" lmao

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 22 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago) (1 children)

Having these guys shill for Tesla is not going to help the stock. It looks desperate. It turns off the core buyers even more.

There are two groups of Republican at this point. There are quite a small number of ultra rich people. There is an army of mostly not that well off folks. The latter cannot afford Teslas and have seen them as the enemy forever. This is going to highlight that the main GOP principle is supporting rich allies. It shines sunlight on a very dangerous fact.

Elon is really unpopular right now and “regular” republicans feel like he and DOGE are attacking them. Then they see the Trump administration rallying to support him. The GOP does not care about them but does care about him.

This could backfire on the GOP and it is not going to sell a lot of cars.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago)

Elon is really unpopular right now and “regular” republicans feel like he and DOGE are attacking them.

Only those who have been personally harmed. The rest of them, and that's the vast majority, actually believe Elon is cleaning up the government and finding/eliminating corruption. I work with one, he's convinced everything DOGE has found and cut is corruption/fraud, the kids who are rooting through the Treasury are geniuses capable of finding things that no other administration has been able to (or been willing to?) find, and ultimately the Government is going to run more efficiently and taxes can be lower for regular people when it's all said and done. They're too deep in the rabbit hole to see the light.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 21 hours ago

Yes fox viewers, you can be bag holders, do it.

[–] [email protected] 44 points 1 day ago (1 children)

tesla must be loving their image shifting from a "cool tech company" to a brand only loved by insufferable partisan pricks.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 23 hours ago

Brand that old uncool politicians go on tv and beg people to buy.

Good thing American consumers love desperation.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 19 hours ago

So we should all short that stock.... Sure

[–] [email protected] 91 points 1 day ago (18 children)

Remember Trump 1.0 selling beans straight from the White House?

Apart from that, TSLA most certainly is not good to bet on, despite its owner being one of the richest and most powerful people in the USA rn.

load more comments (18 replies)
[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 day ago

Looking for bagholders lmao

[–] [email protected] 73 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Except for the fact that he is single handedly responsible for a massive decrease in teslas value. I would not bet on anything he touches because even if he were loved inside the US, he is now despised everywhere else. Tesla was built on left wing progressive ideals and so was spacex, and solarcity, etc etc. Musks turn to the right betrays all of those who liked his companies for ideological reasons. I don't expect tesla stock to recover any time soon.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 day ago (2 children)

This.

Not sure how he imagined a hard pivot from the left to the right was going to pan out.

Early on I was a huge fan and kept telling others he wasn't like the other CEOs, it wasn't about the money. It became obvious a couple years ago I was horribly wrong. The worst part is some of the people who distrusted him before now are all in.

These people are not charismatic at all, I don't get how they keep fooling people.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

He's been a known union buster for a long time tho

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 day ago

So the big guys want to dump, right? Is reverse Cramer still up?

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 day ago

Once upon a time, Government was neutral towards brands. Or at least not as blatantly biased as Trump and Lutnick are.

load more comments
view more: next ›