this post was submitted on 07 Sep 2023
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politics

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Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) vowed Wednesday to keep his job as Senate Republican leader at least through 2024 and to finish his seventh Senate term, which runs through 2026, despite recent health problems.

“I have no announcements to make on that subject,” McConnell, who is 81, told reporters when asked about calls from fellow conservatives to step down as Senate Republican leader.

“I’m going to finish my term as leader and I’m going to finish my Senate term,” McConnell declared.

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[–] [email protected] 67 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Until someone finds his phylactery there's nothing that can be done. Liches gonna lich.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I heard its just a regular Ball mason jar and they keep it in the basement at the Heritage Foundation... like right by the display case with Ted Cruz's spine and across from the cheap plastic dorm room trashcan from Target that houses McCarthy's single brain cell.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I know this is a rumor because Ted Cruz doesn't have a spine.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Ah, yeah, I forgot to mention: the display case is empty.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

"This is where i would keep Ted Cruz's spine - if he had one"

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

this what you get when you allow the Lich to DM.. i don't know who decided that was a good idea, you know.. must have been some bargain or other..

[–] [email protected] 59 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Weekend at Bernie's...another remake no one asked for.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (4 children)

The irony being I haven't seen Bernie making weird pauses in public

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[–] [email protected] 48 points 1 year ago (1 children)

“I’m going to finish my term as leader and.."

{ 47 seconds of silence }

"I’m going to finish my Senate term,”

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

SPEAK SLOWLY AND CLEARLY FOR THE SENATOR PLEASE.

[–] [email protected] 42 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (6 children)

Mitch McConnell has personally done more harm to the people of the US than anyone since Reagan. He is one of the greatest monsters in modern American history, directly responsible for immeasurable human suffering and he does not deserve to live.

The next one needs to kill him, and I hope it happens on camera for all of us to watch, because it's the closest tbong to justice he will ever face.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I'd love to watch the life slowly leave his eyes as he shits himself on national television.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

I'd him or Newt

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[–] [email protected] 40 points 1 year ago

Harry may have gotten 2 horcruxes so far, but he surely won't find the rest.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 year ago (2 children)

we’re gonna watch him die at a press conference.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago

Stop, I can only get so erect!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

More like at the Senate floor. And get on the news cycle for 15 min.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Slow and steady wins the race- the Tortoise

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

I will forever hear Jon Stewart’s impression when I read McConnell quotes.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago

Once the lizard people mothership arrives with his new host body from the home world.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

We need to retake the Senate for the blue team in 2024 so that we can have a real leader, like Diane Feinstein.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I don’t know what exact joke you’re trying to make, but it really is well past time both of them retire.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago (2 children)
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[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago

Lich McConnell went back and reviewed the Necronomicon and realized that these episodes don't actually mean anything and the necromancy spell he cast 800 years ago should give him a few more terms.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Of course. When has he ever made a decision that benefits others than himself? Never.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I don't know what's going through these ancient politicians' heads but don't they reach a point where they've accomplished everything in life they can and they just want to relax? Being an 80+ year old senator and dying in office sounds horrible to me.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

It's not about being accomplished for most of them anymore. It's about not letting go of their power. They won't admit to themselves that they're old or the world has changed. They grip desperately to their seat and their power because they "can still do it", and they "know what's best".

People who have had a senile friend or family member have seen similar stuff plenty of times. Older adults who can't even close their hands all the way or remember that they dont have shoes on will argue and fight, sometimes violently, that they can still do something. For example, still cook with an open flame despite catching their house on fire three separate times. Or that they can still drive despite not seeing past their fingertips and not knowing what city they're in.

There is a thing called aging gracefully that involves accepting the difficulties of getting older and passing the torch, and clearly a large number of politicians are having a serious problem with it.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

The Senate is becoming the movie "Weekend at Bernie's"

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Sen. Mitch McConnell 's future ghost (RIP-Ky.) vowed Wednesday to keep ~~his~~ its job as Senate Republican leader...

ftfy

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Be honest with yourself, you have like 4-6 years at most.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I don’t even think he’s got that long.

There’s only a one year difference in these pictures.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago (2 children)

You have to drink a lot of baby blood to maintain the skin suit's integrity, and it's hard to sneak up on a baby when you keep having strokes

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

it’s hard to sneak up on a baby when you keep having strokes

That's some profound wisdom.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

Ahh, so that's why they want to end abortion...

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

You'd be stunned how long someone will cling to life out of pure spite

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yeah but that's drinking 3-4 babies per day. Idk how he can keep up with supply tbh...

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I'm sure they're fed to him intravenously.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

My brain doesn't work and I'm in charge of a lot of stuff

---a guy from a place where things are Fine

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Turtle. I'm a turtle. TUUUURRRRRTTTTLLLLE

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Look I'm just gonna say we should move the senate to alaska and see if anyone retires.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

I support this, but we'll also need to make attendance actually mandatory for the plan to work

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

“Over my cold dead body” McConnell declared… probably

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

He did, it just took him 4 minutes of dead air to get the sentence out

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

A corpse puppet is still a puppet after all.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Glitch McConnell, it’s time to gtfo.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

He might as well, its not like he's in charge of what he says anyway. They could hang his dead body from a gantry and flap his mouth with a string, it would be effectively the same result.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Someone gonna tell him that's not likely or nah?

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