this post was submitted on 22 Jan 2025
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i don’t really need advice yet, it’s just a question. a girl im friends with acts really odd. we are friends, and we used to talk a lot, but then she started getting quieter, making less eye contact.

she also started being tenser/snippy at times.

when she’s not snippy, she’s just very quiet, which is most of the time. sometimes she’ll scoot over next to me but then scoot away, or act like she wants to sit by me but then goes away.

she doesn’t seem to be acting rude at all or mad at me. she will be nice, like smiling and waving and saying “hello”, or energetic when she can respond over text, so i don’t believe i’ve done anything to hurt her, but it’s just been really odd. what, from your experience, make a friend start acting this way? (especially girl because idk about guy friend behaviors)

most of the time, she acts normal, and i appreciate our friendship, and she seems to not hate me or anything like i said

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 hours ago

As others have said, but I want to make more clear, she could be dealing with shit she isn't ready to share. (Death, Failing Grades, etc)

Reaffirm the friendship. Let them know you are there for them. Ask if they want to do something districting. Hikes, movies, or sit silently looking at the wall.

[–] Strider 11 points 4 hours ago

A bunch of randos on the 'net won't be able to tell you any better than she can. If she says she's fine reaffirm your friendship and tell her you're there if she needs to talk and otherwise carry on. Not much else you can do without jeopardizing the friendship.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Is your friendship close enough that you could just mention some of the behaviour you've observed and ask what's up?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 hours ago

She just says shes fine, its so weird

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 hours ago

It can mean one of six thousand different things, none of which will ever be made clear to you.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago)

I know you've said that you've asked her, and she's stated she's fine, but I think it matters how you ask. Sit down with her, mention the behaviors you've observed, explain how these things make you feel (I assume you're worried about a friend), and just let her know you're there for her if she ever wants to talk. Try not to make it too much about yourself, but be honest with your emotions... and try not to offer fixes for anything unless she asks. Myself and a lot of other women aren't always open with men, even friends, because it can be exhausting dealing with their problem solver personalities; we normally know how to fix things already, but doesn't mean they don't weigh on our minds.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

It sounds like she's upset about something that involves you in some way. I would just ask her.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Tysm. She always says she’s ok and doesn’t seem upset most of the time. She even acts friendly a lot, like normal :(

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 hours ago

I'm sure it's probably some kind of misunderstanding

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

I have asked her and she just says shes fine. She also can act completely normal and seems friendly, like shes not upset with me or anything, just normal, and doesnt indicate shes upset besides that, but its really odd. Its like she wants to hang with me but something’s preventing her? She even said i could go to her house so…

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Idk man I think she might like you. I used to be like that as a teen, extra self conscious in front of my crushes

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

This is my take as well. She's happy to see/ talk to you, but she thinks she's sending out some kind of hint or another then gets moody when she thinks you haven't picked up on a vague hint and responded in kind.

If she's said you can come over (again, vaguely vs outright asking you to come hang out on X day), then ask her if this Saturday would be good? Figure out a movie to stream. After you start it, get a cozy blanket and ask her if she wants to snuggle while watching the movie?

This would have totally worked on teen me.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago)

She's usually busy with sports/inactive on phone. plus, she and her ex like each other (tho she says it's not true, they flirt and ex fs likes her) and her ex happens to be a close friend

But i'll try asking

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

How old are you?

Have you considered asking what's up?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 hours ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Well let me share with you the wisdom of age: often you can just ask someone what's up.

This also works on dates: you can just ask someone out. You don't have to go all in your head about it. If only someone had told me when I was a teen, alas.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 hours ago

Thank you so much ^_^ yeah ive asked and she just says shes fine

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 hours ago

Glad to see teens on Lemmy. I hope that you can fix it with your friend.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

You have considered? Or you have asked?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 hours ago
[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

How confident are you that she also sees things as 'just friends'?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago) (1 children)

she supposedly likes someone else that she broke up w 2 yrs ago, unless she likes two ppl at once

ig not all ppl are openly flirty when they feel this way but still. i did act avoidant towards my crushes.

if she didn’t see things as just friends, it might explain a lot better, but im not confident, i just assume no

[–] [email protected] 2 points 21 minutes ago

Liking multiple people at once is super common. The love triangle is a trope for a reason.

If you don’t like her then don’t worry about it (other than to maybe pay attention to how you’re acting around her and avoid flirting unintentionally) but if you’re interested in her, maybe try pursuing that? Flirt with her a bit and see if she reciprocates. If she likes you, there’s a good chance she’s been flirting with you and you’ve just been oblivious.

If you’re too shy to intentionally flirt, you could ask her outright, but it’d probably be better to ask her something that hints at your interest, like “I like this girl but I can’t tell if she’s into me - what sorts of signs should I be looking for?” Should be pretty obvious what you’re both saying and asking.