this post was submitted on 14 Nov 2024
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Here’s Why I Decided To Buy ‘InfoWars’ By Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO ☞ https://theonion.com/heres-why-i-decided-to-buy-infowars/

And let me say, I really do see it as a family. Much like family members, our brands are abstract nodes of wealth, interchangeable assets for their patriarch to absorb and discard according to the opaque whims of the market. And just like family members, our brands regard one another with mutual suspicion and malice.

🤣

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 hours ago

Will anyone visiting know the difference?

[–] [email protected] 35 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Counterpoint, it was already stupid.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 4 hours ago

Yes, but this time it will be on purpose.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 4 hours ago

Is it The Onion? Or Not the Onion?

Yes

[–] [email protected] 33 points 5 hours ago

Fucking awesome. Onion has been hitting it hard lately, and this is just the cherry on top. I am hopeful this makes some chuds question their minds.

[–] [email protected] 136 points 6 hours ago (4 children)

They should harness the crazy for good. Make conspiracy theory-sounding stories, but make them factual and get people to take positive action.

"They created chemicals you can inject into the bloodstream that keeps them from getting the Measels."

"The overlords in their golden towers want to tell you who you are and aren't allowed to love."

[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 hours ago (2 children)

The vaccine one would probably be better as: “independent thinking researchers developed a means of using your own body’s immune response to prevent diseases with a mere injection. Some of them even refused to patent it. But then the media started lying to you about them, trying to get you to stop accepting these miracles? Why, just so some companies could make more money selling you proprietary snake oil to keep you comfortable while you’re sick.”

[–] [email protected] 4 points 45 minutes ago

Coming from a reformed conspiracy theorist, that was frighteningly good.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 hours ago

Big Essential Oil ruining the day again.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 hours ago

This is brilliant. Please send them an email with this idea.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 hours ago

I'm totally for this and I bet it would work, too. We've seen the level of ignorance that went into how people chose to vote. If OnionWars puts up those kinds of stories, along with the occasional article declaring Jones actually still owns InfoWarts and any news stating otherwise is fake, they could ease these nutjobs back to sanity.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 hours ago

I would love this.

[–] [email protected] 122 points 8 hours ago (5 children)

The funniest piece is going to be seeing old followers believe it’s still the InfoWars they know and love. It took forever for people to stop eating the onion in large numbers, and it still manages to happen on occasion.

There is opportunity here. Initially, anyway.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 6 hours ago (2 children)

A part of me actually wished that the Onion would have purchased InfoWars, but in secret, like maybe under a subsidiary corp that has a right-wing sounding name.

They don't change Infowars' branding or anything but the articles become subtly liberal.

Maybe an overt purchase is better but I really want to troll the right.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 5 hours ago

"Do your swastikas send the right message to your neighbors? Maybe try this instead..."

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[–] [email protected] 56 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

I think there's always going to be that group of people. Another example: folks that didn't notice that The Colbert Report was satire.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

I thought Glenn Beck was satire. Watched it several times and then one day .. wait, that's not a joke?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 hours ago

Beck sounds batshit. Right there with you.

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[–] [email protected] 197 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

My favorite part of this:

...Collins said that “part of the reason we did bought InfoWars is because people on Bluesky told us it would be funny to buy InfoWars” adding that “those people were right” this “is the funniest thing that has ever happened”.

[–] [email protected] 77 points 8 hours ago

That also sounds like the kind of prank that Cards Against Humanity would pull if they had access to as much cash. I love this so much.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 hours ago (3 children)

Wait, what? Which parts of this are satire now? I read the Onion piece that Global Tetrahedron was purchasing InfoWars, but this is a Guardian story saying The Onion is purchasing it? I'm a bit confused.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 hours ago

It's on APNews too - it's real

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 hours ago

It's not satire, they are purchasing it for real.

[–] [email protected] 59 points 8 hours ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 hour ago

ben also replied saying he'd hold it for knowledge fight, so there's an incredible chance we might see knowledge fight use it at some point.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 6 hours ago

"Tim onion" got an irl lol out of me

[–] [email protected] 41 points 8 hours ago (6 children)

For me, the cherry on top is how the "InfoWars" name is still completely apt, for completely different reasons.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

I gotta find out what the Knowledge Fight folks have to say about this.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 hours ago

I am waiting for the next episode to drop. Biggest episode ever.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 7 hours ago

Reformatting InfoWars as a serious, unironic branch of the Onion that deals with misinformation would just be great.

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

They should send Alex Jones a $1 "royalty" check every month - just so that he doesn't forget it.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Make it $0.01. No need to waste too much money.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 hours ago

Nah. They should just make sure the checks bounce.

[–] [email protected] 43 points 8 hours ago (5 children)

This is what I call a master class on starting a soft revolution: you take over a symbol of the opposite ideology, in the most outrageous and ridiculous way, make it known to all, and completely subvert it and deconstruct it, piece by piece, until it stops making any sense to its former self.

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[–] [email protected] 61 points 9 hours ago

Through it all, InfoWars has shown an unswerving commitment to manufacturing anger and radicalizing the most vulnerable members of society—values that resonate deeply with all of us at Global Tetrahedron.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 8 hours ago

im sorry but the owner's name is tim onion. please publish a correction.

[–] [email protected] 200 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Honestly, considering how much of a clown Alex Jones was, they have their work cut out for them if they want to compete at comedic levels!

Either way, this may be the best news I've heard all year, thank you!

[–] [email protected] 87 points 9 hours ago (8 children)

I wonder if this gives them the rights to all of Infowars' library of footage. Maybe they could "keep" Jones as a host by cutting up old clips kinda how South Park did with Isaac Hayes for Chef's last episode.

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