this post was submitted on 25 Oct 2024
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Asklemmy

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 2 days ago

I got called gay for wearing a kilt in america. What's funny is I had my girlfriend as well as a female friend with benifits with me at the time. I didn't even bother responding.

I've heard plenty of guys say that doing any kind of ass play, even with a female is gay.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Wore a maroon coloured hoodie

The dude who asked me this also stared fixedly at the crotch of my board shorts and asked me "where's your package, man?" upon me exiting climbing out of a (cold) plunge pool

I clearly looked confused, so he says "where's your piece?"

Dude clearly spent a fair amount of his time cataloguing the outlines of flaccid penises through boardshorts for whatever fucking reason.

I was offended, ish, till I heard the growers vs show-ers thing. Mine retracts while not in use, it's quite convenient.

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[–] [email protected] 44 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Use hand lotion. Dude, my hands are dry, back off!

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[–] [email protected] 59 points 2 days ago (5 children)

Here's something to ponder. The next time someone accuses you of being gay for [insert lame reason here], ask them how they know that's gay? Are they gay? Funny how some "men" are so obsessed with "gay" stuff. Always remember, and never forget, closets are for clothes.

[–] bdonvr 41 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I definitely employed this strategy in middle school

Doesn't generally work because logic doesn't work on these people

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[–] [email protected] 86 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (5 children)

Making quiche for brunch. Apparently an omelet is fine, but a scrambled omelette is gay.

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[–] [email protected] 70 points 2 days ago (4 children)
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[–] [email protected] 82 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (3 children)

Stand in awe at a replica of Michaelangelo’s David.

Admittedly staring at a statue of a naked guy, but come on

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 days ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Kissing my homes good night

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[–] [email protected] 32 points 2 days ago (2 children)
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[–] [email protected] 71 points 3 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (14 children)

I went roller blading on the boardwalk along the beach during the pandemic and got called gay

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 2 days ago (6 children)
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[–] [email protected] 57 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 51 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Did you say "no homo" before doing it? If you did, that's just a brojob between alphas.

[–] [email protected] 48 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

I love telling this story, but I'll warn beforehand it's explicit.

! so, one time I was getting a blow job from this dude who was sort of newly out as bi curious. So, he asked if he could suck me off because he'd never done it before. Anyway, when I came, he didn't pull off and decided he was going to swallow, and since he was still really new and nervous, I thought it would be hilarious if I said "no homo" when I came.

Unfortunately, he also thought that was hilarious, and laughed while swallowing. Ever seen milk come out of a kids nose in the cafeteria? That. But with spunk !<

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Well it was only twice in the 20+ years I've been going to bars, and I don't shy away from a gay bar.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Use ranch dressing. I was informed that was for gays and city folk only. I really had no response to that nugget of wisdom.

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[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 days ago (8 children)

Have a wider choice of underwear. Some beautiful individual in another thread put me on to “gay” underwear… comfort settings I’d never dreamed of. I’d feel contained performing CPR in these badboys. Apparently this clothing change is the first step on the road to man love - according to the absolute brains trust I’ve had the pleasure of working with for the last couple of months.

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[–] [email protected] 44 points 2 days ago (11 children)

Play a female character in an arcade game. Specifically the one in Golden Axe.

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[–] [email protected] 55 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Oh god so so so many. I'm going to stick with music though for today.

You like ${artist}? That's gay.

Even more fun, "You like ${Track} from artist? That's the gayest track."

Guys are real quick to make sure everyone else knows how much manlier they are by what music they listen to.

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