A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
Land line telephones will be allowed, but only in a little phone outhouse in the yard.
I dont know what you specifically think about it but this is absolutely valid. It's practically required to have a phone in today's age.
The telephone booth thing I remember was back on the 90s. Nowadays I wouldn't be surprised if the same group has cell phones.
The cool thing about Amish technology rules is that each individual church makes their own rules, and they update them regularly. They're really quite flexible. You can travel around, and you might find one community that has horse buggys, and another that has pickup trucks.
I thought it was a continent wide thing. Neat.
But he gets first dibs on the teenage girls during Rumspringa.
(I know this is a parody)
Trump fundamentally misunderstands the Amish (this is a given, Trump misunderstands most things besides how fucking stupid and cruel his base is). They try to be “not of this world.” If electricity was outlawed, I wouldn’t be surprised if they decided to adopt it to differentiate themselves from the non Amish.
Serious question though: do the Amish communities vote? Everything is electronic these days. Maybe Mail-in only?
The sect around me does not vote as a rule. They use voting as a threat whenever the English try to enact some rule that affects their situation.
In the past 20 years these restrictions on their "religious freedom" have included the following:
License plates and road taxes for buggies
Helmet requirements for children riding bikes on state highways.
Requiring them to clean up their horse poop scattered on public roads and waterways
Requiring their children to receive a bare minimum of education.
As I understand it, the Amish aren't strictly forbidden from using electricity or technology so much as they aren't allowed to include those things in the Amish way of life without approval. Different communities come to different conclusions about what should be allowed, but in general, if it's a device they aren't going to own, they tend to be a lot more permissive about it. I would imagine that most would have no problem with voting machines, since it's basically something they would only interact with outside of their normal daily lives.
How inclined they are to vote, I have no idea. A quick googling shows plenty of talk about courting the Amish vote, but that has less to do with Amish views on the topic and more to do with the fact that they are warm bodies in a swing state.
Yep I've seen Amish people on home brew e-scooters, driving side by sides and having smart phones. Usually it's very case by case thing but then again I saw an amish dude ripping around on a one wheel
I've also heard of an amish community that got pissed at the school system (idk the details but I think some board of education members were assholes to them) but they voted in force for several years voting down school levies until the nearest school building had to be shut down. I don't think they vote unless it directly impacts them, as far as I know