bare in mind? Didn't they like, invent English?
this post was submitted on 05 Sep 2024
210 points (97.3% liked)
okmatewanker
552 readers
2 users here now
No foul language - i.e. French 🤮
Obviously satire, dozy wankers
founded 11 months ago
MODERATORS
We invented football too but it doesn't seem to have helped
You're the ones that decided to call it soccer to confuse Americans.
There is a good chance this is just a fake letter.
This guy was making them for fun a while back, and they surface from time to time.
I'm pretty sure the dashcam submission system is called Operation Snap, not Capture, too.
Operation Captured is Nottinghamshire police's system.
Invented English? Nah, mate, nothing homegrown there. We imported it - a strong base if Anglo-Saxon and a dollop of Norman French making it a bit more posh, with shoots of Brythonic, Latin and Old Norse poking through the cracks. All that before we went nicking words from all over the world that took our fancy.
By this pont we barely know how it all works - we're like monkeys driving a monster truck frankensteined together from an ice cream van, a golf cart, a tank and a Postman Pat toy; just mashing the controls hoping to make it go in vaguely the right direction.
Anglo-Saxon isn't a language beyond meaning Old English or Degenerated German, but otherwise sure.
Many believe so, but the Nottingham Police merely perfected English.
Unfortunately, the original Englic has been lost, and replaced with the less precise English
Wonder what would happen if 20 simultaneous complaints were submitted about the chief constables and councilmembers, say, roughly every week?
'If you were not the twat shouting at other people for using the road, please bring this telling-off to their attention.'
Appear to take up more road space? It does take up more road space.
In the UK, you're not meant to get within 6ft of a bike when you're overtaking it (although it's pretty common for drivers to get muddled and think that rule's talking about inches). That means it's not safe to overtake if there are oncoming vehicles in the opposite lane or solid white lines in the middle of the road. Another bike a metre or so from the first one doesn't change that if you've got to cross into the opposite lane anyway, and it's better if they're two abrest as you don't need to be in the opposite lane for as long.
There are plenty of idiot cyclists who endanger themselves, but there are also plenty of drivers who accuse people of being idiot cyclists when they're following The Highway Code to the letter.
When I'm cycling on dual carriageways, it's interesting to realise that some drivers overtake me by moving to straddle the line between lanes ('fine'), some drivers move into the other lane ('great'), and some don't move at all, demonstrating that even when there's a whole other lane to use, they're happy to skim past me. And by 'interesting', I mean 'often terrifying'.
I cycle. I can't fathom the risk some cyclists will take. Cycling on a dual carriageway? Absolutely no chance. Cycling on a busy A-road? No way.
Having the right to be there doesn't mean it's any less risky when you have great big lorries hurtling by at > 50mph.
Graveyards are full of people who had the right of way.
I'm not some arrogant cyclist, insisting on my right to be somewhere - I use what is often the only road that takes me where I want to go. Personally, I find windy b-roads a bit scary too, and there's a downhill I have to take that's got a 'cycle lane' painted on, with cars parked on the left of me (so if anyone opens their door, I'm dead), cars in a narrower-than-usual lane to the right of me, and a diversion onto the pavement at the bottom, with a bus stop for the unwary to crash into. So basically every segment of a cycle journey is terrifying one way or another, and I just have to not think about it too much or I'd never go anywhere.
North America is full of those dual carriage motorways, with no alternate roads in many areas. No one enjoys riding on them, they just don't have another choice.
It's also a North American past-time to blame the guy trying to get to work or school when some inattentive driver mows him down.
Same problem in Canada. On some narrower roads the cyclist has to take up more road to force the drivers to wait until there is no incoming traffic in the other lane before overtaking. Otherwise some of them will try to squeeze through with zero consideration for the cyclist's safety.
I've learned that in motorcycle riding lessons. You have to constantly defend your safety bubble. If you let drivers see a gap that looks big enough they will try to squeeze through it and will push you off the road.
I've learned that in motorcycle riding lessons. You have to constantly defend your safety bubble. If you let drivers see a gap that looks big enough they will try to squeeze through it and will push you off the road.
Yep, it's the same here in the UK. Years ago, when I did my bike test, the examiner would test the gaps I was leaving, so if I indicated to turn right, he would attempt to gently push his way into the gap on my right to make sure that I wasn't leaving room for someone to try to squeeze past.
Obviously he did it in a safe way to make sure that I would be safe on the road on my own :)
That's right, as a cyclist I have to watch out for myself and the person trying to pass me, to make sure they don't try a dangerous move when oncoming traffic is approaching (I have an ebike so drivers are a little less pissed at me on the uphills). On backroads I give hand signals, pump my left palm downward to tell them to wait a sec if I see traffic ahead or blind curves, then when clear, I wave forward in a similar motion as to summoning a dog, and I move to the side to tell them to pass.
Just the other day, a driver passed a group of cyclists while on a quiet road. He honked the entire way past while driving down the wrong side of the road and failed to notice the oncoming cars while the bikes and other cars were trying to get his attention. Luckily, the other cars slammed on their brakes and horns and nobody was hurt or killed.
...The road was about four blocks long and isn't even a major road because it runs into a city park. He didn't make it past the cyclists because the road was so short, and there were other cars coming the other way.
In the UK
6ft of a bike
think that rule's talking about inches
What
They pass 6in away from you instead of 6ft
The imperial probably surprised them
Cyclists are entitled to basically the same amount of space as you would give a car. If it's not safe to pass a cyclist unless they are riding single file, it's not safe to pass the cyclist.
Britons not queuing?! My whole worldview just went upside down.
I live near a Tour de France route and single file is the way to do it, because we leave at least 1.5m by law when overtaking cyclists
You can tell the fucking insufferable English CUNTS because they cycle two-abreast "bEcAUSe iT's SAfeR"
Mate, people will sit behind you until it's safe to overtake and leave you that 1.5m, cycling side by side makes overtaking impossible on mountain roads and makes you an UTTER CUNT
And, perchance, do you live in Nottinghamshire?
That's the Tour de Pants you're thinking of
cycling side by side makes overtaking impossible on mountain roads
I fail to see the problem.
I explained it quite simply, do you need me to draw a picture with crayons?
We respect the cyclists by not overtaking until we can leave 1.5m of space. We expect the cyclists to respect us the same way by giving us the opportunity to leave 1.5m of space and not cycling side by side
Simple
Yeah I think you can't quite read, there are no mountain roads in the place this is talking about...
It’s not the mountainous aspect of the road that makes this geometric story relevant.
If you're on a mountain road so narrow that two cycles and a car can't go in parallel with enough space in between, then maybe wait till the road gets wider and flatter before you overtake them?
Never been to the Alps then?
Yes failing to see the problem, conceivably because “fuck car people”, is indeed why the guy called them cunts.
I honestly don’t believe that you’re too stupid to see the problem. Instead you’re choosing to define problems caused for car people to be non-problems, which is a dehumanizing tactic, and solidly earns you the title.