"Everything happened exactly like you thought it would. Just like always..."
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That is a very interesting response. It sounds like the opening line to an interesting novel.
I've always had an uncanny ability to predict future events.
I'm not saying I've got special powers and can see into the future I'm just really good at noticing patterns and gaining conclusions from those patterns.
And humans are very predictable.
"Please exercise more and get in shape".
Spend as much time with your friends as you can. They may not always be there. It’s hard when they go, but you’ll get through it.
(If I’m allowed to change the future, I’d tell myself exactly which friend died, when, and how.)
Party hearty. Humans will be extinct by 2030.
He got the cancer screening in time, but you might want to get it earlier.
Plot twist in one sentence. Nice. Also, how are you doing?
Recovering pretty well. I'm beginning to take the next steps to make sure this doesn't happen again.
Five years ago, I was in the middle of a pretty big change, so it would have been a well timed message.
"Things are going to get rough, but it'll all work out. You made the right choice."
Things will get better. It's absolutely worth it in the end. Do your best and have fun.
Hold it together man
"You are not lazy, you have CFS/ME. Half the people won't believe you and the other half won't care."
"It was worse than you imagined."
And this is why you never have drunken sex with your crush.
Bad news, you're still alive, broke and sexless.